My story;feel trapped

I dont know where to start or what to say.I am 18 years old.I started to univercity.I am studying english languege teaching....I always felt shy nearly whole of my life...I remember when i first started to Primary school after lesson finished ;i mean in the brakes i followed my teacher to the teachers room and waited there until the bell ring...i was feeling very insecure that i saw my teacher as a protecter..Never mind i think i migh have avoidant personality disorder...I go to school and i am scared to be seen..I dont talk to no one..i have 0 friends..i feel completely anxious..and first week i jst went the first day get the lesson plan and i couldnt go again...and the second week i made a plan...took loads of antidepressans and committed suicide...i was in intesive care for 6 days..the doctors had no hope..but unfortunately i am living..Going to school being in pain everyday..i am seeking theraphy for 3 years ...had 5 different therapist and none of them helped..i seeked to a new one and she seems very clever..These happen all the time i go to schhool...what does everyone think about me? Everyone is looking at me ..everyone thinks that i am an idiot...everyone feeels sorry for me.Other peoples thoughts are important to me..I am so fed up that i cant even enjoy being around people..for 3 years i am hiding...ANd 2 weeks later i will have a presentation..ohhh can u imagine? me giving a presentation? I told to my therapist if i do a presentation infront of the class i could never ever would want to go to school again...i wouldnt want to be seen by my class peers... ..i am scared feel trapped...its very hard to go to school...i get very depressed and feel sick...i dont know what to do...i just dont wanna go to theraphy at all ;for 3 years going to theraphy i am sick of it ...and now i found a good one ...I am going to loose my mind,...i am thinking about suicide again..like jumping from my apartment...really really ...i need a lot of courage to live than commiting suicide...i am trapped and scared.....someone please please i am begging help me...sorry for my bad english:(..

Firstly suicide isn't the answer, it never is. If you're feeling suicidal then please seek help from a suicidal help line.

Collage is tough for many people, but people suffering from AvPD have a harder time dealing with it. When I first started college this September, I felt much like you. I hated it and wanted to drop out. Recently I got over that, I'm not there to make friends (Although it would be nice too). My main reason is to learn more about things, I'm not going to let AvPD take that much control over me.

To deal with AvPD your going to have to try and take yourself out of your comfort zone. But this is very difficult simply for the fact AvPD's avoid social interactions. Do you work? I found having a job really helped me break some barriers. I worked in a store that had 300 people entering every 30 minutes on weekends. And helping customers out in finding things really helped me out not get anxious when around strangers. In school do you talk to people? Start small talk conversations, such as "Did we have any homework" or "Did you do the homework" even "Did you study for the test" school related matters. Small things like these really do help. I was sitting beside a guy for 3 classes who I didn't say a word too. Then I decided to ask him what school he came from, and oddly enough I worked with his friend. It was awkward to talk to him at first, but well worth it in the end.

Presentations can be dreadful, I hate them, but a lot of people do, even non-AvPD's. But remember people have a short attention span, people in school just stop paying attention after a few presentations. They simply want to have the presentations over with so they can go home. Students won't be there to note all your mistakes, so don't let that make you anxious. If you are still anxious about your presentation, add a few jokes. Humor is always a great tool in anxious situations.

Sounds like you are going through a tough time. Lucky for me i got apd after high school, so now i go through what you go through at work not at school, maybe its the same thing.