When reality doesn't live up to the fantasies

OK. I know this is going to sound twisted but I need to take it off my chest.

A short time ago, I began working in a new place and I met this person. At first I didn't like talking to him since he was my supervisor and so I felt like he could see right trough me, I avoided him every chance I got.

But one day he started talking to me and I found out that he was a very cool person and that we had some common interests, videogames and computer related stuff, and we even agreed to play an online RPG together.

But before any of this could happen my father ordered me to leave the job and so I obediently complied. I didn't want to talk to him or say goodbye because I barely knew him and so I thought it would be awkward and pointless, from the way he reacted when he found out I was leaving I think he didn't agree wth me on this.

The thing is that at some point during all of that I had become infatuated with him and began having the normal avoidant fantasies and whatnot, but when I left the fantasies intensified and the fact that I missed a chance to at least become friends tortured me.

For months now I had been fantasizing about what could have been and what was not. It has been the only thing I could think about, it had become an obsession.

Today, I encountered this person again and we talked for some time, I was really happy about this but then I began noticing something. This person was markedly different from what the person I had been having fantasies about. He is someone I can't stand, the kind of person I hate. We are completely incompatible even as friends, I just could never stand chatting with him again.

The problem is that now I feel so angry and confused, angry because reality has now destroyed the person I loved. I feel disgusted at him because it is like he looks like the person I loved but is a completely different person. I know it's my fault, I built an idealized image of him in my head of someone I barely knew but I can't help but feel like he wronged me. I'm glad I talked to him though, since the fantasies have greatly diminished at least they're not about him anymore, they are like they were before I met him and I feel like I can think clearer without thoughts about him suddenly coming into my mind.

So I wanted to ask: have any of you gone trough this before? Have you had reality crushing the fantasies you had built into your mind?

P.S. I apologize if some of this makes little sense, I feel extremely confused now and I have been feeling sick ever since I encountered him, I even puked when I got home.

I certainly can relate to that and I've been in a similar situations myself.

Over the years I learned not to fantasize about real life situations. Saves the disappointment. I don't believe there's anything else you can do about it anyway.

It sounds like he changed because you rejected him and walked away without explanation. You did not even say goodbye to him. You agreed to play an online RPG with him too and never followed through. It is understandable that he is not too warm to you now. I doubt that he suspects you have AvPD. He probably doesn't even know what it is.

This kind of thing is going to happen to you all the time if you do not learn to comminicate better with people. Have you tried any CBT therapy?

Yes, our fantasy worlds. I nice place to escape too for us avoidants. I don't thing you did any thing in thinking to yourself, hmmm he nice person, I wonder where this will lead. But as avoidants we must be careful not to delve to deep into our fantasy worlds with a relationships that haven't even started. It something I have done in past and trying not to do in future.

Just point of interest, why did your father order you to quiet your job?

I don't get the part about the father either. Why did he do that?

Parador wrote:It sounds like he changed because you rejected him and walked away without explanation. You did not even say goodbye to him. You agreed to play an online RPG with him too and never followed through. It is understandable that he is not too warm to you now. I doubt that he suspects you have AvPD. He probably doesn't even know what it is.

This kind of thing is going to happen to you all the time if you do not learn to comminicate better with people. Have you tried any CBT therapy?

I don't think so, as I said we barely knew each other and he didn't say anything to me either, even though he was there when I was quitting. I'm not trying to justify what I did or didn't do with this, I'm just saying this because I don't think he changed, that's just the way he is, he seemed quite natural with me, friendly too. Just so different from what I IMAGINED (that's the key word here) that I felt the situation was disturbing and I felt sick. He was also quite (how do I say this without sounding elitist) ignorant, you know kind of college frat boy ignorant.

I don't blame him, this is all my fault but the situation was simply disgusting for me and I really never wish to see him again.

Parador wrote:I don't get the part about the father either. Why did he do that?

He tought the job wasn't convenient for me and told me to quit. I obeyed. Then he told me take another job where I work for him.

If reality could ever live up to fantasy then there wouldn't be a point to fantasizing.