Well I'm Finally Getting Help...

But the circumstances are well, pretty horrific. Basically my inability to force myself to do my job has landed my boss in hot water and the business will probably be gone soon. He's an asshat but it's still going to be horrible.

Been under incredible stress of course. Have an appt to go see my dr. for depression because at this point I feel like I have no choice. Have considered some extreme options but won't be doing that.

Moral of the story is not to let this happen to you kiddies..

I'm Sorry Skyflyz.

Thinking of you.

I'm thinking of you too- sorry things are so difficult.

Please keep away from those extreme options. That first step of asking for help is one of the hardest. There'll still be more steps that are tough to make, and it may not really feel like it, but each one you manage to achieve gives you a tiny bit more confidence in your abilities. There's nothing wrong with taking baby steps either.

Let us know how you go with the doctor.

Sending hugs.

Hope you feel better Skyflyz.

Thoughts are with you.

Thoughts and prayers are with you skyflyz. May everything come good for you real soon!!

Thanks folks for the well wishes, I went to my doctor and he's a nice man but not really able to cope with depression type stuff so I talked to his assistant who did the depression questionnaire. I also told them I suffer from a constant chronic type anxiety. One of the sheets they hand out with diagnoses said major depressive disorder. They prescribed 50 mg Zoloft and melatonin for sleep problems. This is a small town doctor and office. I probably should go to the larger city nearby for these services but it's 80 miles and hard for me to get the time to make those trips. They also suggested a therapist. I asked the assistant if she really knew any good ones in this town and she gave me the name of a lady she says her friend use and like. So that's where we stand. They also wanted me to do the yearly checkup so we'll see where I stand there.

Oh great - 'magic' pills. I hope you can get some real help. Have you ever tried intensive cognitive behavioral therapy? I remember the woman on here years ago Shadow terra who did it for years and after a while it got her through school and into the world. I think.

Parador wrote:Oh great - 'magic' pills. I hope you can get some real help.

Meds are "real help" for some people. Some people need meds to lift their mood out of such a severe depression so that they are actually able to function and to even participate in CBT. If you don't wish to take them, that's your choice, but they are a totally valid and life-changing, even life saving option to many. CBT is near impossible when you're at the point of sit and stare at the wall depressed.

I tried self help CBT but yeah, I haven't stuck with it. I'll see if the therapist can help keep me accountable with CBT. I am in pretty good shape as far as the physical is concerned. I've lost 10 pounds in a couple weeks and I can afford to lose more. Thing is, I've been too distressed to eat much.

Therapy session is Tuesday. I've always been opposed to pills just because I think there might be unknown side effects, plus hard to get off of but this particular situation has me so upset I feel that I have to try anything and everything right now. I am tired all the time and waking up at 3am basically having a mental panic attack, if there is such a thing.

skyflyz wrote:I am tired all the time and waking up at 3am basically having a mental panic attack, if there is such a thing.

There is such a thing, yeah. And they're really awful. Sending hugs.

I know how eating can be messed up by stress- I tend to go the opposite way, and eat too much. In times where I've struggled to eat, I found trying to keep a food diary helpful, to know where I need to try to add more in, or cut certain things out where I was reaching for the wrong things when my eating and weight have gone towards eating too much/wrong foods and putting weight on. Also trying to keep some snacky things on the end of the kitchen bench or in the fridge ready to go- like carrot sticks already cut up in the fridge, or a bit bag of nuts on the bench. Easy to reach for things that fit within my diet. I also prep meals, so I've always got meals ready to go in the freezer- takes the thinking out of it especially if I'm not feeling motivated.

Meds don't have to be a long term thing for everyone. Some people it just gets them through a tough period, and once things settle and they feel that they have a better handle on things, they're able to come off them, and from there it's just trying to stay aware of where you're at. Coming off them- most times there is some kind of withdrawal (just like there are side effects), but that could be said for any meds for any other condition as well, not just meds for mental health issues. For most people, their body adjusts fairly quickly. For now, I'd try to put that aside, and focus on here and now. If it helps for now, run with it.

I personally don't really enjoy being on them, but I do like that it makes me feel a bit more normal and able to cope with everyday things much better. As simple things as being able to get out of bed at a respectable time in the morning, and that my house is now looking relatively tidy instead of stuff just strewn everywhere. And that I actually feel inspired to get back into some of my hobbies again. The side effects can be hard to deal with- I've recently had a dose upped and am trying to work out the best time to take them at night so I don't wake up feeling like I've got a hangover (without any kind of silliness the night before). I'd prefer to be without them, but I also know for me that without them, I don't function well, my mood is too low, my anxiety too high and I have other symptoms that I struggle to deal with going on- I become very unwell.

skyflyz wrote:I'll see if the therapist can help keep me accountable with CBT.

If the therapist can do CBT with you, make use of that, definitely. Trying to do it on your own, especially if you have lots of things going around and around in your head can be tough- there's sometimes things you do need feedback on that a workbook/website can't give you.