Treat AvPD in superficial ways and get superficial results

Talk therapy, forced socialization, medication, half-assed meditation...these are all surface level ways of dealing with the problem. Medication numbs the symptoms. Forced socialization doesn’t ever alleviate anxiety for people like us, it could actually make it worse sometimes. Talking to a therapist will only help you to a certain extent, because even after you open up to them, they will only ever be able to offer you help with their words. And words are superficial. Having words and language and being able to make coherent sentences are a great feat of mankind, but it’s nothing more than a way to communicate with others and a way to organize thoughts in your he
ad. There is nothing a therapist can do to open your brain and pour a chemical that will cure your AvPD. But there is something that YOU can do.

You lack self love. You’ve been so busy ruminating about what others think of you for your whole life, that you forgot what it truly means to love yourself and respect yourself. You’re reading this and probably thinking “whatever whatever self love yes move on”, but you really really don’t understand what I mean by self love. It’s something that releases you from the constant negative criticism you have of yourself, it’s something that allows you to stop constantly scanning others for disapproval. These are just superficial words I’m telling you, you need to see for yourself what self love could mean. I’m going to give a really weird/uncomfortable but truly effective exercise that shows you what it could mean.

Think about death. Lay on your bed, keep your eyes open and imagine you laying on your deathbed when your 85 years old. The doctor told you you’re going to die in 3 hours. You will feel deep regret for not living the life you wanted to live. You will feel guilt and anger and regret and sadness and you have no one with you by your side because you’ve become isolated from the course of your life. you realize all the anxiety and tension that held you back from being with others was just a waste of time, because none of that even mattered. You wish you were 20 again because you would do things differently. This is a very sad thought, and people have left life this way, but this is not what I want you to focus on. Focus on the very last minute before you’re gone forever. You know you’re never going to be in this world again for an absolute fact. All these memories come rushing into you of when you were a kid. The barriers between yourself and your unconscious minds evaporate because your body knows that you’re about to die, and there is no reason you could possibly have to hold back. Tears fall down your eyes because you remember the love you forgot you had within you, the love you felt for your parents, siblings, or anyone who positively shaped you as a kid. It’s quite the most beautiful thing, but then you remember that nobody is with you anymore, and you had no impact on anyone’s life during your adulthood because you were to preoccupied with their judgments. “Why did I let myself become invisible, life is too precious”, is your last thought.
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You’re probably thinking “well now I’m dead, it’s going to be pitch black forever, and I’m never going to be able to live again and fix my mistakes”.
Except the thing is, when you’re dead.. you’re dead. You’re not thinking, feeling, or existing. Saying that there is nothing is an understatement, because when I say “nothing” I am implying that there is something. When you’re dead, when your subjective experience of live stops, you are gone forever. You never existed. Nothing matters because nothing exists.

Now, the next part of the exercise is to think about your death happening in exactly 24 hours. If your suicidal, please get help and call 1-800-273-8255, for me and for anyone else who cares about you. But for the exercise, here’s what I did:
I wrote down on a piece of paper the time : 5:23 pm. I told myself that in exactly 24 hours, 5:23 the following day, I’m going to kill myself. I’m not really suicidal but I told myself I’m going to have to do it no matter what. I really convinced myself that I would do it.

Now, knowing that I’m never going to see life again, it hit me. What really matters came rushing into my head. My empathy, my passions, my parents, my ability to forgive and forget... it over rode my fear (temporarily) The fear didn’t just go away completely when I went to go socialize and work on my relationships. (And it won’t unless you have some CRAZY enlightenment). I still have AvPD, and I still have anxiety programmed into me. but now I had this sort of power within me. I could feel anxiety and not be ashamed of it anymore. My gut instinct isnt to avoid social situations anymore, instead, it’s more like they are challenges I can face, to learn more. Knowing that I’m going to die allows me to trust myself. Trusting myself allows me to love myself. (In other words, loving myself is knowing that my opinion of myself is enough, and I don’t need others approval). Loving myself allows me to love others. Loving others allows me to love life.

The whole point of this is For you to realize that life is a SUBJECTIVE experience. It is an individual journey, a journey made beautiful with your ability to love and empathize with others. It doesn’t make you selfish to love yourself. You yourself are ENOUGH, and you don’t need others approval.
trust yourself , allow the love to flow freely in and out of you, because that is all that matters.

There is no difference between thinking about your death happening tomorrow and thinking about your death happening 60 years from now. You are going to die. Time is ticking people wake up