Avoidant but attached?

Good night all,

This is my first post in here. I’m a 30yo female and have diagnoses of bipolar 1, complex PTSD, ADHD, and anxiety (if it matters). However, I think this diagnosis actually explains a lot of. It seems to fit pretty well. I have a job in the helping field, I have a “best friend”, and am in a choir. That said, my relationship with my best friend is pretty dysfunctional, other relationships I have I am not emotionally invested in (I can be “vulnerable” without feeling it, and compartmentalize really well). Despite my relationship with my best friend being not the healthiest (she’s an alcoholic, and emotionally inconsistent and often unavailable), I am extremely attached to her. I also have found that I am very attached to my therapist. Most all other relationships could come or go, but those would kill me to lose. Is this typical for this diagnosis? I still have a lot of fear and insecurities within these relationships that can cause problems, but I’m still really dependent on them. Of course, outside of therapy sessions, my therapist isn’t in my life. And my bestie, as I said, is inconsistent. I want to be able to have real, healthyrelationships but I get in my own way. Honestly, I don’t even know if I am capable of it. Those walls come up all on their own. The funny thing is that I can be appropriate and social at work and help other people with their problems really well. I can fake it in social situations really well. At the end of the day, though, I don’t have anyone, really. It’s lonely. This was all over the place. I guess the point is that I believe I meet the criteria for this diagnosis, so is it typical to become attached like that to some people? Also, do you have a lot of trouble being vulnerable within a relationship, taking compliments, giving compliments, telling someone what they mean to you? I really do. Thanks for any input.

Did you get all those diagnoses from one doc or are they different diagnoses from different docs? On topic - that best friends situation sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen. Any friend can turn on you though. I have found that out. I had one who didn't once. She died though. Bummer. I remember being lonely after my father died. Feelings fade. Humanity fades given time. I think I may be turning into a cat....

Therapygirl123 wrote:Good night all,

This is my first post in here. I’m a 30yo female and have diagnoses of bipolar 1, complex PTSD, ADHD, and anxiety (if it matters). However, I think this diagnosis actually explains a lot of. It seems to fit pretty well. I have a job in the helping field, I have a “best friend”, and am in a choir. That said, my relationship with my best friend is pretty dysfunctional, other relationships I have I am not emotionally invested in (I can be “vulnerable” without feeling it, and compartmentalize really well). Despite my relationship with my best friend being not the healthiest (she’s an alcoholic, and emotionally inconsistent and often unavailable), I am extremely attached to her. I also have found that I am very attached to my therapist. Most all other relationships could come or go, but those would kill me to lose. Is this typical for this diagnosis? I still have a lot of fear and insecurities within these relationships that can cause problems, but I’m still really dependent on them. Of course, outside of therapy sessions, my therapist isn’t in my life. And my bestie, as I said, is inconsistent. I want to be able to have real, healthyrelationships but I get in my own way. Honestly, I don’t even know if I am capable of it. Those walls come up all on their own. The funny thing is that I can be appropriate and social at work and help other people with their problems really well. I can fake it in social situations really well. At the end of the day, though, I don’t have anyone, really. It’s lonely. This was all over the place. I guess the point is that I believe I meet the criteria for this diagnosis, so is it typical to become attached like that to some people? Also, do you have a lot of trouble being vulnerable within a relationship, taking compliments, giving compliments, telling someone what they mean to you? I really do. Thanks for any input.

It's not unusual at all for those with AvPD to become somewhat dependent on those that they are actually close to, because they tend to not have as many relationships as those without the disorder. As most everyone needs some form of support at times in their lives, AvPDers tend to cling to those few relationships, although regardless people vary so it depends on the individual person.

Thanks so much for your response! I appreciate any input, and that’s really good to hear.

Parador wrote:Did you get all those diagnoses from one doc or are they different diagnoses from different docs? On topic - that best friends situation sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen. Any friend can turn on you though. I have found that out. I had one who didn't once. She died though. Bummer. I remember being lonely after my father died. Feelings fade. Humanity fades given time. I think I may be turning into a cat....

I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety for years, and I know it’s been ever present. The others were diagnosed separately. I was dx with bipolar in 2015, PTSD in 2016 and it was recently established that it is more complex PTSD. I’m under the care of one psychologist and one prescriber now. Pretty sure avoidant personality is accurate, also. The MCMI 4 indicates it, as well.