¨What is the worst what you do (or you dont) for AVPD?

I pretty well avoid talking about emotions. If it's a logical process or something I think about that I have distanced myself from emotionally in the moment, I can talk about it relatively easily. But I always downplay how things affect me subconsciously to keep attention away from it and not seem needy or vulnerable. And if I am feeling a particularly strong emotion towards someone, I tend to avoid it strongly with them or if it is conflict avoid them completely.

If someone directly points something out that I take as condescending or critical, I just shut down and get away as quickly as possible or stop talking. It definitely makes for tough going in getting close to anyone. I also am rarely able to initiate contact with anyone, so if they don't do it with me then the "relationship" grows distant and they probably think that I just want nothing to do with them which probably brings about some negative opinions of me.

Philonoe wrote:Recently some young family member was in need and needed temporary home.

Having them in my home meant having the eyes of the people that i try to make distance with.

I didn't know what to do.

I didn't offer my home

Now i'd like to have news but i feel a little uncomfortable in asking


(i know this is not exactly avoidance)

It's ok, i finally wrote and had some news. Sometimes things look smaller once they are written.

^that above.i feel i wouldn't help people because of it sometimes.
I can't ask for help but i can't help others either.
Or i didn't go to funerals and didn't even feel bad about it.
Except when they made me.but when was up to me ,i didn't go without any guilt

-- Mon May 28, 2018 5:34 pm --

They said please come to support me and my pain and i said and thought ###$ no i am not going.not sure if that was avoidance only though

Parador wrote:

DamagedGoods4013 wrote:
Years prior to that we had a 20-something girl ride the bus regularly along with a bunch of grade school kids. One morning when the kids were being particularaly loud I muttered to myself "I wish those kids would shut up." She heard me, took a book from one of the kids and whacked me over the head with it, which just made the whole bus erupt in laughter. Then she told me "Why don't you ride a bike if you don't like [riding the bus] or better yet walk, you could sure use the exercise." (I'm overweight and often get called fat a** b***h.) This just made the kids and everyone else laugh more. Of course nothing was done about it, ..

Did you report it to anyone?

I don't remember if i did or not. Probably didn't since the bus driver thought it was funny, too.
(We have some real "winners" driving the public transit buses, if you know what I mean.) The bus company usually does nothing and shrugs it off. Same with seat hogging. People love to take up more than 1 seat for a number of reasons, and if you tell the company they just shrug it off again.
Lovely place to live - if you're a self-centered know it all or a bully.

You could have gone to a doc and complained about horrible pain from a soft tissue injury or headaches from it. Then found some crackpot lawyer to sue. Do that next time.

Hmm for me it would be that I have the wonderful habit of being fiercely independant which doesn't go well with the severity of my AVPD (I can't live with other people, housebound unless someone I trust takes me out, get so bent out of shape interacting with people that I have a very noticeable stutter which decreases or increases depending on who I'm interacting with and my cognitive ability goes down the drain depending on the level of anxiety I have with interacting with that person which is a nightmare with GP doctors, mental health teams etc that don't know about why I do it. P. S I have an assistance dog so that I can live alone as a carer isn't feesible) as when I need something and can't do it for myself then the majority of the time I won't ask for help and the more of a problem it is for me the more I will be scared to consider asking for help. Real examples:
I have some nerve issues that cause extreme over sensitivity in my hands and arms that get worse the more textures I interact with, I am on some pretty heavy meds to try control the symptoms and without them I want to climb walls and do drastic things to avoid the sensations. On the day I became fully tolerant to the medication I was on was also my friends birthday, it had been no secret how badly my nerve issue sucked so I downplayed that the nerve issues wernt being suppressed anymore and focused on not being a buzz kill because I didn't want her to hate me. By the time we got home my gp was closed and I had the entire weekend to deal with no medication that helped (but I was on alot of other meds) because not moving was the easiest way to cope that's what I did and I was so upset that I had stopped taking my other meds... I started going off the deep end a little as I kind of always do when I'm stressed out like this and thought the only way for me to get help so I didn't try to end myself would be to go to A&E with a Stanley knife.
I had no intentions of hurting anyone as I can't and I imagine most other avies can't either but was hoping that when they ultimately rejected me and refused to help that I would harm myself so they would be forced to treat me and I could then make them look into either nerve issue or give me more meds (out of hours gp didn't even occur to me). Anyway a friend rang me whilst i was at the hospital and was just checking up on me as they hadn't heard from me in a while and I can't lie and will always tell the truth and if you push me even a little ill tell you whatever you want to know. So she panicked and alarmed picked up my other friend and my assistance dog (who I had dumped on becsuee I didn't want my ad being witness to what I was doing, I was in that bad a way that being alone in public was of little concern to me for the first time in years) and drove straight to where I was, she couldn't get me to give up the knife so the police got involved etc
I did give the knife to the police officer in the end and the doctors would then see me and prescribed me something else to try until I saw my own doctor.

Fast forward two days later on with the new meds not working and me having been given a new prescription from my gp and I'm on my bed having severe withdrawal from all the meds I had suddenly stopped taking days ago, I didn't know it was withdrawal but thought it was a bad reaction to the new meds and wouldn't ask for help from anyone beacsue of all the trouble I had created over the weekend. I spent 2 nearly 3 days like this before the same friend rang me to check in on me and me again not being able to lie told her. Paramedics came and conferred with doctors that I was having withdrawal and then after offering to take me to my gp left. I had refused because I was so ill I didn't think I could manage the walk home and didn't have money for a taxi. My friend who hadn't told my family any of my issues with caring for myself that I had been having for weeks finally got them involved because she knew I would never ask. So family and friends took it in turns for the week of coming to mine and helping with the chores that were important and had to be done that day like caring for the animals, washing clothes, cleaning (house tends to fall apart when touching everything is uncomfortable to say the least) getting food, gas and electric etc etc and I spent the entire time attempting to drag myself around the house after them because my anxiety wouldn't let them do all this for me and me be a pompous duck who lay on the sofa (I had sweated so badly the first two days I was too grossed out to go near my bed and couldn't change the sheets because of my hands).

Plenty of other things that I've done over the years but that's the most recent one.

i don't want to call to say "sorry for your loss" and do any of the typical stuff/traditions even if i am sorry.even if i appear as asshole.
i don't want to go to funerals etc and i will avoid it and seem like i don't care.
do you think that is avoidant related?

I inadvertently hurt or offend people by not communicating with them, usually because I don't know what to say, or I think they don't want me around.

^i do that too.also i prefer to leave or avoid to say what i feel often.
Although is weird because in superficial stuff i seem to be very open exploring feelings and taking.but not when it matters.
If i tell them what i feel i am sure they will hurt me and i will not allow it.
I will assume they don't want me too.
Whenever i told how i felt i didn't see to help.
More like feeling worse.

Avoiding all my and my boyfriend's family. Cutting off people I love and care for. Not working. Burdening my bf with doing everything regarding any degree of socializing which I see turns out to be pretty much everything. Not responding to texts over and over. I think I can appear lazy but I actually love doing, cooking, cleaning, being productive, tinkering around the house but will avoid doing so unless I live alone or know I won't have to run into people, like in the very early morning. Neglecting health so I don't have to talk to doctors. I recently had a health problem that could easily become deadly and I think I might have been more concerned about the possibility of having to go to the hospital and explain everything as I was of dying.