Judgmentalism

From my subject heading, you'd expect I'd be complaining about others being judgmental, and how difficult that makes life for those of us who are not extroverts, or who are avoidant.

But I'm actually addressing my own judgmentalism, and how that perhaps creates some of my anxiety, anger and sadness. My judgmentalism is one of many things that drives me into behaving avoidant-ly.

Often, I find myself reacting to those around me and feeling very frustrated. It seems I am surrounded by the majority of people who are insensitive, thoughtless, unfair, uncouth, pushy, clingy, obnoxious, manipulative, etc... the list of negative qualities that I see in people everywhere could likely go on for pages! When I think of these things, all I can do is exclaim,

"I HATE PEOPLE!!"

The perfection I expect from myself, I also apply to others. I focus on less savoury qualities of others, blow them out of proportion until I am blinded to any good qualities, and therefore make a good argument for isolating myself and keeping all those nasty people out of my life so I can have some peace.

I can understand why I am this way. I have trouble setting boundaries, and I react to everything around me, often negatively. I am (I think) a very thoughful and sensitive person, and when I encounter people who are not either of these things, I feel outraged.

Since other people are not going to change their ways and align themselves to my personal standards of etiquette, it only makes sense that I relax myself, allow others to be imperfect. I need to work on accepting others as well as accepting myself. I need to stop being so judgmental, it will make my life so much better.

I just try to accept that others are going to be bozos sometimes and keep an emotional distance.

Trence, I had a problem with being judgmental as well. I'm also a perfectionist and hold myself to a strict measure and used to think other people were total bozos. I had to consciously stop being so judgmental of other people so I could lighten up on myself. I even convinced my husband to tone it down around me as well. And, miracle of micracles, things started feeling better.

Feeling hate or anger isn't really healthy, it's a time bomb set to early death. You can either change your judgement of other people(hard way) or the way you react to irritation(easy way). I went with the latter and now I try to find amusement and laughter in all the stupid and pathetic things other people can do. Often this pleasure is inapropriate on certain situations but it is far more healthy for the mind/body...

Trence, I've felt the same way and thought the same things. I wondered if it was me who was just being too judgemental and harsh on others. But then I realized that either people really suck or maybe I just seem to attract the ones who aren't the nicest or most mature.

I see now that my avoidance has caused me to hang around with people who I really don't care about and who really don't care about me. They're shallow, slef centered immature people who just don't have a clue. I know the whole world isn't like this but my personality and behavior just seems to cause people who just want someone to whine to and put up with stuff no one else will put up with to attach themselves to me. I know I need to find some healthier friendships and relationships but my own problems always get in the way.

However, I do think the majority of people are judgemental and self cenetered. There are some truly "nice" people out there, the trick is just to find them. Maybe I'm just being too judgemental now, but I just don't see how so many people I know can be so shallow, self centered and immature.

Thanks for the replies, it's nice to know others get what I am saying.

APD_Guy wrote:I realized that either people really suck or maybe I just seem to attract the ones who aren't the nicest or most mature.

I have the same problem, so I can totally understand where you are coming from. I have had several needy, clingy people sort of attach themselves to me, take up all my time and energy complaining about their lives.

Your post has made me rethink things. I do think I am too judgmental, but like you, I think I attract people who behave in undesirable ways. I have trouble standing up for myself, maybe this is part of my avoidance.

I know I need to be more discerning with people, and not allow people I don't feel comfortable around to hang out with me. My trouble is, I dislike hurting people's feelings so much that I put up with more than most probably would.

So, good thoughts all around.

This topic is somewhat similar to my "Misanthropy" thread from a few days ago. Looking back on it, my standards of others are absurdly high and narrow. My general outlook on other people my whole life has been that I don't like or respect anyone until they do something to deserve it, having appointed myself as supreme judge of all humanity.

It's gotten to the point where I simply refuse to talk to strangers. If I'm getting some gas or something, I'll walk up to the cashier and say "Pump 7," hand him some money, and that's all I'll say to him. The other day at the supermarket, some guy in the checkout lane tried to make some casual conversation with me. He said something (I don't remember what) and I looked at him so he knew I heard what he said, then ignored him. He repeated it several times and I just stared blankly ahead.

My ideal life at this point would be living in a house in the country with no obligation to ever leave (job, etc.)

Ak1raK0nya wrote:My ideal life at this point would be living in a house in the country with no obligation to ever leave (job, etc.)

I have a small house in a little private lane between 2 small villages and I've been on vacations for 2 weeks. Last week I was on a road bike trip with my father but this week I just shut myself in my house for days, not speaking to anyone(even by phone). Living in your own little world is really addictive and peaceful for the mind. My workplace is really fast fading in my memory and seems like ages ago(it's only been 2 weeks). But after a while I kinda lack the activity of a normal day of work though I don't miss having to deal with people again...

Gsf-600 wrote:... lack the activity of a normal day of work though I don't miss having to deal with people again...

Really?? How do you pay the bills? (if you don't mind me asking) I've been SCOURING the newspaper and internet looking for some way to keep the lights on in here without having to deal with a bunch of people who act like condescending jerks no matter how much weight I pull around that place...

Ok, misunderstanding here...

Gsf-600 wrote:I've been on vacations for 2 weeks.

No, I didn't quit my job... I only took vacations. I just meant my last week as a total shut-in in my isolated house just gave me a taste of what that kind of life would be like. I'm gonna have to go back to reality at my office after those 2 weeks. Like I said, I miss the activity back there after a while but not really the "social" aspect of it...

I work in public sector in IT. Working in a gov. agency is quite different from private although less paying. Hiring and firing is very regulated and based on standard procedures. You can only get fired if you break rules(confidentiality mostly) or you're really but really a big incompetent and not according to the mood of the boss. But the hiring process can be long and really random. If you have some kind of training, you should look for those jobs opp.