Misanthropy

Ak1raK0nya wrote:I constantly find myself wanting to get away from all of society. Just sell all my things, buy a little house where there aren't any people for miles, and live out the rest of my life in peaceful solitude.

You know these post-apocalyptic scenes we see in movies, videogames, etc... where nothing is reallly destroyed but all people disappeared except for only 1 person. That would make an avoidant happy. No more fear to get pressured, tempted or rejected by society 'cause there is none anymore.

But that wouldn't be good in the long term, you'll soon realize that humans live in society first for survival and mutual services, not really to socialize. Having to deal with others stupid behavior is unfortunately the price to pay in order to get a decent life and not a prehistoric one...

Skog, ultimately I think there are as many reasons for being avoidant as there are people who are avoidant. In myself I have to admit a painful realization that my dislike of certain people's behaviour is remarkably similar to behaviours I secretly want to be able to attribute to myself. They usually appear as aggressive traits and out loud I say 'thank god I'm not like them', but silently I say 'I wish I was able to behave like that and get away with it'. Furthermore, I have realized that the aggression I attribute to people quite often is simply a normal level of assertiveness that I have exaggerated in my mind. And, actually I am like that, but fear puts up its brick wall and gets in the way of this normal expression. I feel angry at people who behave assertively out of a kind of envy because I desperately want it myself. The anger I feel is the energy that would otherwise go into normal assertiveness. Its just been channelled into this horrible passive anger that just builds up to a point where I start believing it would do some real damage if I ever did let it out. I start to fear the consequences of this happening so it stays, or it gets sublimated into a kind of depression, or boredom, or tiredness or whatever my weakness is at the time.

I dont know if any of that makes sense - Im not feeling so good at the moment.

Well I'll add my 2-cents

I dislike "people", but con tolerate a "person". But a person has to get through all sorts minefields before I'll trust them enough to see them as an individual.

I find the herd mentality inherently dangerous --- think of all the stupid and mean things people do when they are in a group. Like being in the mob absolves them of any rational accountability for their decisions and actions. I don't blame them, per se, but I also don't want to have anything to do with them and want to be a nice, safe distance from them.

I think that you can slide from avoidant into schizoid - from wanting to be social but being afraid into not wanting to be social at all, or just giving up on the hope that you will be able to find compatible persons.

I dream of the day when my husband and I can move to the "boondocks" and build our house in the middle of 50 acres of unadulterated wilderness. Sure - it'll cost more to have an alternate energy home and have satellite Internet, etc.... but it will be so worth it to be off the grid and out of sight. We're researching areas and technology now and are saving $$ specifically for this purpose.

plicketycat wrote

I think that you can slide from avoidant into schizoid - from wanting to be social but being afraid into not wanting to be social at all, or just giving up on the hope that you will be able to find compatible persons.

I agree completely, I am definitely veering towards the schizoid-I care less and less about other people and it is strangely liberating.

linda1656 wrote:plicketycat wrote

I think that you can slide from avoidant into schizoid

So, if one can go one direction, maybe one can also go in the other direction. I think I'd like to go that other way.

linda1656 wrote:plicketycat wrote

I think that you can slide from avoidant into schizoid.

I agree completely, I am definitely veering towards the schizoid-I care less and less about other people and it is strangely liberating.

I think that happens when you're getting older. These days I tend to have phases. A few months ago, I was really resolved to try to get more in touch with people around me or new one without much success of course. Now I couldn't care less about them and I'm finding a strange happiness in doing my own business alone. I could swing back in the other(more avoidant-ish) state in the future but I almost wish I stay more and more longer in this blissful schizoid-ish state...

A few years ago, I know I was just plain avoidant full-time.

Skog;

I believe there is a natural swinging between states that occurs with all people, 'norms' need more or less social interaction according to how they are feeling.

Avoidants seem to worry more that they are not behaving in the correct way. Am i wrong? I dont know but i just seem to think less now about how 'others' percieve my tendencies, and i feel freer to choose rather than doing stuff because of others expectations.

i think it may be a maturity thing as Gsf said, the myopic world of college for instance seems to home in on any variations from the 'norm'.

Those poor guys go through hell.

i like so many people who i meet daily. in fact often i think someone is great, then i hear someone else condemn that person. of course i like these people only at a safe distance, but i do enjoy their conversation (with each other) and the qualities i see in them. maybe people are different where i live?

In terms of hating people, I think I often come to that conclusion when something upsetting has happened to me (socially, that is), like some stranger being utterly rude to me (or someone else, even) for no apparent reason, or watching the news (I mean, honestly when was the last time you heard good things on ANY news broadcast...).

But I think that hating people is a reaction to the situation. In general, I'm very accepting of other's flaws, because I know my infinite ones trump theirs, and it would be hypocritical of me to judge them because of a few things I personally dislike (unless their extremely unpleasant, for almost anybody: just one huge ball of flaws...). It seems the bar I set for myself is impossibly high, and in comparison, the one I set for others is significantly (!) lower.