some happy news to share - went to 3 socail events

I went to 3 social events, one on Friday, one on Saturday, one on sunday.

Yes, I really did this. If I can do it, anyone can.

I am exhausted. Exhausted. I've needed five days to recuperate and feel I could go another five in private seclusion.

Relative to the usual social torture marathon that social events have been for as long as I can remember, I quite enjoyed myself. I didn't feel really that self-conscious although I was a bit nervous at the first one, worried I'd spill my drink (no spillage, phew). I haven't done that excruciating dissection of every blow by blow detail, remembering every tiny look or gesture that could mean I am disliked or appalling. I don't really feel embarrassed or anxious, my mind has kind of moved on to present events.

One unexpected feeling is that I'm 'through the looking glass' in unchartered territory. What if someone actually wants to befriend me, do I really want the obligation of reciprocity & that to impinge on my solitude.

Skitterish,
this is brilliant wonderful news.

Every weekend I go shopping and every weekend, for I don't know how long, I've promised myself that I shall, one of these Saturdays, go to a "coffee morning " at a local church hall and I shall, I shall, but....

Yesterday I stood for while on the opposite side of the road near the church hall wanting to but eventually I walked away.

And as for "what ifs", got that T-shirt.

Well done Skitts, onwards and upwards eh?

outster wrote:Yesterday I stood for while on the opposite side of the road near the church hall wanting to but eventually I walked away.

Aw, you'll get there. Baby steps. If I can do it anyone canMaybe next time you'll look from the same side of the road the church is on. I started with just walking down my local street trying to make eye contact with people. Then the next week I tried to make eye contact and smile..it'd take me days to recover.

Thanks for your encouragement outster, I really appreciate it

Social events are what I dread the most. I am fine as long as there is some other pretext to follow. For example at work or at hobbies, you can do your business and socializing is just a side product. If I have to go to these events, I try to make sure there is a safe person around. Having more friends would nice so that you would have more such safe persons, but for the life of me, I will not take the initiative.

Syne,
I don't mind being among people that I don't know and actually the more there are the safer I feel. It's like, I'm hiding in the crowd, going un-noticed. It's when someone else takes the initiative that I feel threatened and I struggle to deal with that. If it's a brief exchange and we then go our separate ways that's fine but if not I'm looking for the door.

Oh I know that feeling. Doing sports is alright because you just focus on training and don't have to interact on a social level at all. Events like ,e.g., a hiking trip, bowling or the museum are also still okay because you can just turn to the acitvity itself, talk about the beautiful landscape or the painting in front of you. But those things where you just sit around a table, eat, drink and talk...make me feel unwell.

I also like being in a crowd because it makes you feel as if you turned invisible.

Asu, Syne, Ouster
so disappointing that you've plonked comments about helpless stagnation & misery in a celebratory thread. Almost all threads in the sa forum are on the topic of being helplessly being stuck in not being able to face our fears & socialise how we want to, why choose this one which I wrote to celebrate my hard-won success? It's really disappointing not to be able to share a happy news here. I'm reminded why I don't post much in sa forum, the negativity can be suffocating.

Skitterish,
I'm so sorry for my comment affecting you in such a way. I was/am so envious of you, isn't that a good thing? Reason for you to be pleased?

Sorry for misusing your thread then Skitterish. I was actually not aware of it as I perceived these comments as tips on what works for a person and what doesn't and not stagnation or misery.

But to contribute in a positive way: last weekend someone invited me to dinner as he wanted to present his national cuisine. We were four people and I knew at least 2 of the 3 others. It was mainly sitting around a table, eating and talking, so basically exactly what I described as scary but it happened to be actually fun. This weekend, when they just went out drinking, I skipped though. Once in a while is enough...

outster wrote:Yesterday I stood for while on the opposite side of the road near the church hall wanting to but eventually I walked away.

But you didn't stay in your house and not go at all! I say that's progress and definitely a positive!

-- Sat Oct 28, 2017 5:26 pm --

Skitterish wrote:One unexpected feeling is that I'm 'through the looking glass' in unchartered territory. What if someone actually wants to befriend me, do I really want the obligation of reciprocity & that to impinge on my solitude.

Maybe that's just your anxiety getting ahead of you and trying to turn your success into something else to worry about? I say celebrate what you DID do, not what you might do/not do. Congrats!