RANT bit fed up of stuff being bad

Hi,

I am not sure if this is the right place to post, but this is the place I hang out, so please indulge me.

I am having a difficult time due to life events and I am feeling overwhelmed.

Last year my mum passed away, after a long illness and several months in hospital. A few weeks ago we were alerted by the police that my mother in law had died at home. This was due to alcohol related problems. She had struggled with a drink problem for years, and despite being sober for 10 years, she finally succumbed again. Sadly, her body could not handle it.

So we had lost both of our mothers in less than a year. My husband is not really good with dealing with admin etc so it fell to me in the first instance to arrange everything. Due to issues with the will my sister in law has taken issue and not offered any assistance so I have continued to deal with things for my husband.

I have sorted everything out. I have had to liaise with the police, the coroners, arrange to have the house specially cleaned etc. I have chosen flowers, made the funeral arrangements - everything. All in the shadow that it is a year since my own mothers funeral.

My sister in law initially refused to attend the funeral and then said she would think about it. In the meantime she has complained to my father in law. He sent my hubby and I a horrible e-mail and revealed that he is not my husband's real father. He chose now to reveal this. I was mentioned several times and came across as an interfering and control person.

When I tried to talk to my hubby about how this e-mail made me feel he was initially uninterested. It took him a while to realize how hurt I was. He did eventually rally to my defense.

My sister in law attended the funeral and I made sure she new that she was welcome. But at the end she said goodbye to all family members except me. Again I was hurt - as I was the one that had arranged everything. I felt she could have said thank you.

In my opinion, at best she was thoughtless by forgetting to speak to me. At worst she is making an issue and blaming me for a lot of things.

My husband is making excuses for her - and I understand that there are many reasons for her actions. But I know for a fact that if I had behaved how she had my husband would have had words with me and criticised me.

I cannot help feeling that bad things always happen. I have had a lot to deal with over the last year or so.

However, when I look back before this, I was dealing with a grievance at work and I was treated unfairly. And before that I had been passed over twice in favour of a colleague. She threatened to leave, twice, and both times she got a 10% pay rise. This same person was always favoured over me by our boss. I do not understand why, when my work and a results were just as good, if not better.

I cannot help feeling I do not deserve good things. I will go further, I deserve bad things to happen to me.

I have had soooo much to deal with in the last four years. And I have to fight to get people to give me any time to talk about it. They always seem to down play it. Getting empathy and sympathy isn't easy.

I am feeling so down.

I have had all sorts of meds. I have had several types of talk therapy. And still my anxiety comes back. And still I have to deal with triggers.

I spoke to someone last year at my GP and he told me there were no more options. Just keep practicing my CBT.

I saw someone a month or so again. I discussed it in depth. She seemed to think that I was doing all the right things. But she could not suggest anything else. Perhaps to go back and try CBT.

I just feel that I will always get the rough end of the deal in life. And I understand that sounds irrational but it is how I feel.

snookie, I'm very sorry you have had to deal with all that. I hope things look up. I don't know if this helps at all, but if you look at what you wrote you dealt successfully with so many challenging things having to do with the funeral arrangements. I hope you can look at that and be proud of what you accomplished under very trying circumstances.

If ranting helps, rant away. Best wishes for things to improve.