Avoidants and risl taking

Ive been reading thru many avpd threads recently as I found I relate to many aspects of avpd. At first I believed i was avpd from the moment i read the traits, but after reading many threads i dont think i am. The reason is because I enjoy risk taking, adrenalin activities and i have also had some close friendships and relationships. I read somewhere about an avoidant that was a successful salesman but in a case where he booked a meeting with 2 different clients at the same time and he realized it, he couldnt bring himself to notify the clients of the mistake and obviously resulting in a problem. I find myself somewhat similar (although while i am certainly not a salesman type wouldnt find it impossible to remedy thay situation with the client before its to late) mostly because i do avoid things that i know could become a problem or already are a problem. I find myself a lot of times in a cycle of stress then ###$ it attitude then regret/shame but i cant seem to change.

I had started to think of this as maybe some form a narcissism but I dismiss that idea because I feel a lot of empathy, although not in all situations and i have a hard time showing it when i do.

I did have a troubled upbringing and Im sure thats why im so conflicted in my traits.

Anyone else relate? Any comments and ideas appreciated.

While on another website, not a forum, I came across a description of avpd. I was amazed how well most traits fit.

I also enjoy risk taking and adrenaline activities. I don't have many close friends, but I do have 2 people in my life who know me and accept me. I trust them. Other than that I have acquaintances. So those two aspects didn't fit me either.

Perhaps the traits are guidelines? I would say avpd fits me better than any other disorder.
I believe at my core I am avpd and have suffered intensely because of it. It has been quite helpful to find a definition of why I experience life the way I do. I have found a certain peace with acceptance.

I feel now I can begin to work on the negative aspects of being avpd. A certain amount of pressure has been lifted, that's helping me to see my way forward more clearly.

SeaMaiden wrote:Perhaps the traits are guidelines? I would say avpd fits me better than any other disorder.
I believe at my core I am avpd and have suffered intensely because of it.

I would say the same for myself. Despite any other dx I've recieved, I know in my core I'm avoidant.

As a kid and in my teens I was a risk taker. I did a lot of illegal stuff just for the rush of it. I acted out a lot as a kid. But, I'm a person now who just prefers quiet, safety and peace. I'm actually a very careful person these days. I don't like taking risks. I prefer sure bets, which life rarely ever affords.

SeaMaiden wrote:While on another website, not a forum, I came across a description of avpd. I was amazed how well most traits fit.

I also enjoy risk taking and adrenaline activities. I don't have many close friends, but I do have 2 people in my life who know me and accept me. I trust them. Other than that I have acquaintances. So those two aspects didn't fit me either.

Perhaps the traits are guidelines? I would say avpd fits me better than any other disorder.
I believe at my core I am avpd and have suffered intensely because of it. It has been quite helpful to find a definition of why I experience life the way I do. I have found a certain peace with acceptance.

I feel now I can begin to work on the negative aspects of being avpd. A certain amount of pressure has been lifted, that's helping me to see my way forward more clearly.

I believe they are just guidelines. The human mind is beyond in its complexity to perfectly fit to said traits every time. Going thru this forum has certaintly helped me realize a few things about myself and it feels less lonely to know that other are also dealing with something similar.

I don't see at as a conflict. I am avoidant and I enjoy activities, many of which are high-adrenaline.

I believe it actually serves to underline that I am avpd. I seek out more difficult tasks because it takes my focus off of the people around me.

Here's a real example:

I was working in fast-food. This place is terrible because it's too small and people are always right on top of each other. The only reason I could stand it, was because I was a driver so I was out of there a lot. When I wasn't driving or cleaning I was sooo self-conscious and easily embarrassed. But one day a girl passed out right on top of me and I was absolutely fine. I helped carry her back, I told everyone what to do, and I talked to the EMS. My anxiety totally faded away in the rush.

I got a new job where I have to use my brain a lot more. When it's busy I'm at my best. But when it's slow and people start wanting to chit-chat I am at my worst.

I tend to be a big risk taker, but that could also be my Borderline side talking. It's funny because there are degrees of risk that I will and won't take. I won't take mild or moderate risks, but I'm in for the big risk. As a kid, I was never interested in hockey (every kid in my town loved hockey) because of how often kids broke bones. Ask me if I want to go skydiving or motorcycle riding though, something where I have a good chance of being killed? As Dave Mustaine said, "if there's a new way, I'll be the first in line!"

In my case, I think a lot of it has to do with a lack of self-worth and lack of self-identity. I end up creating an identity for myself as that friend who will go to the edge. I can't socialize, so I have to stand out somehow.

Casper wrote:I can't socialize, so I have to stand out somehow.

I think that pretty much hits the nail on the head for me. Needing attention, but because of social anxiety I'm more often than not too afraid to get it.

For me the need to stand out was just to keep me from feeling invisible and feeling worthless.