Feelıng extremely shy

Yesterday we went to a party wıth my borther and hıs frıends.....it was a fair-well party..so there was maybe 13-14 people there!......i felt awkward scared and just sat there looked down the floor and prayed for this pain ın my stomach to end....well eventually it didnt!...i was very aloof towards people due to my shyness...i was in pain.......Please help i am 18 its gettıng worse as i am gettıng old:(....i cannot take it anymore:(:(:(pleaseeeeeeeeeee someone help me:(..

Wasn't there any alcohol??? Or you just didn't feel like drinking?
Usually at the parties of your age, if you don't drink, then you do feel kind of awkward.

I usually avoid parties for that very reason..

I'm almost done with my teen years (I'll be 20 in September) and I have never been to a single "party" like that. I just never worked up the guts to compete in the teenage popularity colosseum.

hottyfem wrote:Yesterday we went to a party wıth my borther and hıs frıends.....it was a fair-well party..so there was maybe 13-14 people there!......i felt awkward scared and just sat there looked down the floor and prayed for this pain ın my stomach to end....well eventually it didnt!...i was very aloof towards people due to my shyness...i was in pain.......Please help i am 18 its gettıng worse as i am gettıng old:(....i cannot take it anymore:(:(:(pleaseeeeeeeeeee someone help me:(..

Hi hottyfem (great name)
I think the ages18 to 23 can really be hard of people. The humans that have all the social skill s down stick out of the normal of others, and if you shy or AVP you are not the only one. All the different little social crowds doing their little social thing.

I am great one on one, but any more than 3 and my brain is willy nilly. Pick something you like to do. i am sure somewhere there is a small group that like something you like.

Three years ago, I had forgotten one thing that I dearly loved as a child, roller skating. If there are skates on my feet, then there is a smile on my face. you dont have to talk to anyone! no pressure there. Just I would jot you a line and say I understand.

hmmm, aahhhh > avoiding saying goodbye. LOL
peace to you,
Red

Hi there,
I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time.


If you read the posts here there are a lot of lonely people who wish they could break free from their avoidant habits.

Habits, behaviours; whatever you wish to call it. Fear drives the avoidant deeper into themselves and every unpleasent event such as you describe reinforces the negative process of avoidance...believe me i speak from experience.

So what to do? Have you to desire to fight the fear?
There are drugs which can help with this, reducing anxiety to managable levels. There are therapies as well which can help with the unwanted thoughts which crowd your mind. But underlying all of the help out there has to be your unconditional committment to change.

I believe there can be change, maybe you will never be the life and soul of the party but you can make life better.

Be kind to yourself, you are not alone.

thanks everyone.....actually i did somethıng yesterday becouse ı had enough of thıs shyness...i applied to a summer job...clothes shop or as a waiter in a restorant.....and now i am thınkıng if i did the rıght thıng...what if it gets worseeeee or ı would go ınsane beıng wıth people ....Did anyone ever worked ın a restorant or a clothes shop Like nike adidas etc...? and how dıd u feel ...?

hottyfem wrote:thanks everyone.....actually i did someth?ng yesterday becouse ? had enough of th?s shyness...i applied to a summer job...clothes shop or as a waiter in a restorant.....and now i am th?nk?ng if i did the r?ght th?ng...what if it gets worseeeee or ? would go ?nsane be?ng w?th people ....Did anyone ever worked ?n a restorant or a clothes shop Like nike adidas etc...? and how d?d u feel ...?

Hey HF, good for you. Remember, applying to a job doesn't mean you must accept if given an offer. And if you do accept, you can always quit if it is too stressful for you.

I have worked in retail selling clothes as well as at a restaurant as a waiter (I wasn't that great at being a waiter). I found it not so stressful or anxious because I put on a persona - I am a salesperson or a waiter, and nothing is personal. It is strictly business. Someone asks me about a product, I try to help them out and cash them out. Period. I found it easy to put on a front, hiding behind my role as a salesperson. No one asks personal questions and interactions are very basic and similar. It's much different from a social situation with friends or acquaintances where you are expected to join in conversations and share personal information.

Good luck!

Hi there HF,

I remember so well my first job in the public eye; before then i only worked alone or with one other person.

I did set myself small realistic goals and congratulated myself when i achieved them.

I have come such a long way in certain aspects, i have no difficulty now in speaking to people in my 'role'. In fact I am considered quite good at my job because i do not want to become best buddies with people and so am able to get on with my work.

Good luck and keep up the positive thinking.

I never went to partys. I still don't. I don't have anything to say. Nobody wants to talk to me anyway.

Parador wrote:I never went to partys. I still don't. I don't have anything to say. Nobody wants to talk to me anyway.

I had the same problem in high school, now at work. It's not so much that I don't have anything to say, I just don't sit there and have meaningless chatter. I recently started sitting by myself on all my breaks, just so I don't feel the constant pressure to talk and "be part of the conversation."