Compliment co-worker on her looks?

Or would that risk sexual harassment? It was at the monthly birthday party. She was sitting by herself so I sat down. She was eating so she had her invisalign trays out. She had told me about those a couple of weeks back. I asked about some of the symbols on them and she said she didn't know. I said at least there's a lot of chocolate at this party - last month no one brought in chocolate! I mentioned how I lost 15 pounds by giving up chocolate - because about 90% of my calories come from chocolate. I said I gained it back after going back on chocolate and should just eat all the chocolate I want and go on that show "My 600 Pound Life". She said "that show makes me feel better about myself." Well, she looks great. I guess she's comparing herself to her 18 year old bod. But for age 38 and having 3 kids she looks great. I wasn't sure what to say. "You've got a hot bod." Too much. I said "You run, right? As long as you exercise you won't gain too much weight. " Or something like that.

She's divorced. I guess that's why she's getting her teeth straightened - improve her looks so she can get a new guy. I don't think it will take her long - -unless she's a major nut. She's very attractive. I've had the hots for her since I've worked in the place - 6 years. She used to be on a different floor than me , but we moved to a new building and now she's just 20 feet from me and I see her all the time.

I guess it might be safer to say "you look great" then "you've got a hot bod"

You seem to have done well.

Now, i think it depends a lot of culture, tone of voice, personality of people.

Hi Parador

Like most avoidants, I never know what's acceptable socially. I either withhold or break some kind of taboo by being too familiar.

I echo what Philonoe said. It's okay to compliment, but perhaps moderate how you say it. Everyone likes to feel good, and a compliment is always welcome.

Recently I've had a couple of compliments from a work colleague. Once he told me I was 'looking well' and he'd noticed that I'd lost weight. The other time he said that I'd coloured my hair (it was actually bleached by sunlight) and that it suited me.

I was pleased to be noticed and get some positive feedback, but the compliments weren't too personal and didn't make me feel like he was hitting on me.

Hope that helps.

I don't want to insult her by NOT complimenting her either. Right? After thinking about it - for several days - I think the best thing to say is "you look like you're in great shape." I heard her boss joking with her about her looking for a sugar daddy. I wonder why she's divorced. She seems really nice. Why would some guy let her get away? 3 other women at work divorced, but with the others I could see some things about their personalities that could get grating after a while. Not with this woman though. I read that about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. It's becoming the norm.

I think you have put her on a pedestal. Divorce is complicated, and a lot of behaviors come up between a couple that you would not see at work. Plus if you are carrying around trama from your childhood, then you might have a hard time understanding why certain things you do upset your partner. if marriage was easy, then divorce rates would be much lower.

Pedestal? I don't think so. I'm not a teenager. But I guess I do worship her butt a bit. I do love looking at it. It makes me want to....well mods would intervene if I wrote exactly what ... lets just say naughty things - very naughty!!

I looked up some articles on the reason for divorce. Now I can't figure out how people can stay married - or even get married.

As a manager I can tell you it can be weird, if someone is offended they can go to HR, it doesn't matter your intention. Plus as women we get compliments on our body all the time ... SNORE. Complimenting our body is somewhat intrusive unless we are more familiar, but at work, nope. Women want to be noticed for something else! Even if that is what you notice, please notice us for something else, please be creative. Say something like, "I really admire your dedication to taking care of yourself, I could really learn something from you." OR "Wow, how do you find the time to work out with all your responsibilities, you must be super woman." OR, "I would love it if you could share some work out tips, it seems you really have that dialed in!" This implies that you think she is in shape/looks good without saying something obvious and maybe offensive or just being dumb.

Would you be offended by "you look great?"

I'm ok with that.

At work you need to be extra careful about comments that could be considered sexual. it would be better to commend her on on her dedication to working out plus taking care of three kids, or to make a cute joke about how working out regularly justifies splurging in desserts.

It doesn't sound like she works out that much. We were talking about running and I said I used to make sure I could run an 8 minute mile - before I became a cripple. She said it takes her something like 10 minutes for a mile. So I'm not complimenting her on her fitness.

But now I have a plan to win her over. She wants me to frame her boss for a crime so he goes to prison. I came up with a plan to burn my house down, frame her boss, collect the $100,000 insurance and move to Canada!