Jealousy and depression

So, my depression comes and goes. Sometimes the depression last weeks and the non-depression stage a month. But I've noticied that what triggers the depression state is watching people my age(23)-especially when they're in groups. They all seem care-free and friendly. If I see a couple I find myself comtemplating my loneliness(even while working) and if I see a group of girls(especially beatiful girls) my self-esteem goes so low that I find my facial expression range(which is constantly low) go to 1.
Then depressive state installs and lasts for a while, with all the pain that comes with it.

I can't stop myself from contemplating others, especially those that have lives(or at least some things in their lives) I feel like I should have, but doing so always destroys me. When I was 16 I hated everyone and just didn't give a f*** on what I didn't have. But I am more mature and those feelings of hate are long gone and I just feel like I should be able and am not.

I do not look forward for my future.

I can sympathise. I usually just ignore other people, and go about my habits on my own. But whenever I see people my own age happily laughing with one another, or worse yet, a couple making out/hugging eachother/sweet talking, I always get jealous. Not because I'm want anybody in the relationship, but just out of jealousy that people could become so close. However, I stay aware that I shouldn't bother other people's happiness with my envy, ignore them and try not to think about it too much.

Hey mullog, thanks for sharing.

I can relate as well. Much of my sadness/depression is due to comparing myself with others I feel are better off than I am. When I see people being friendly with each other, I tend to let it emphasize how little I have in terms of friendships and socializing. If I let myself, I can make myself seriously depressed over thinking I should be like them, or that I am a loser because I am not like them.

I still struggle with that. But it does help for me to remind myself that there is nothing written in stone that says I have to have many friends and be social. I think my life would be better if I did, but I need to remind myself that I can survive if I don't. And I can decide to make my life as happy as possible. Talking myself down sometimes helps. But other times I just break down (once I am home alone). Sometimes I need to let out the pain.

Thanks for the replies.

I try to ignore many times, but eventually something gives in and depression comes.
"It is a hard, hard life..." indeed.

Mullog, that total lack of facial expression you mention...is it something you do when the prospect of interaction is threatening or everytime you're around attractive females? I ask becouse i get/do it when around women that are not only attractive, but also in a situation when i may be "in danger" of interacting with them.

I have much more to add to this topic, hopefully i'll be able to put it into words later tonight as i'm at work and have to be going.

I used to feel like this a lot, but not as much anymore, so I can sympathize with you. When I was younger I also just didn't "give a ###$" but then I grew up as well. I still do feel depression when I think about this, but mostly now I feel more apathetic. I realize getting into something like that would be so much work and would require me to jump through too many hoops. I long for some sort of mutual friendship and even a romantic relationship but I just can't acheive that anymore. I have a few really good friends, but they no longer live around me so that does not help too much.

I can relate to your feeling about the groups of beautiful women as well. I become totally dead pan, jaded, almost dead when I am around them. I have a huge fear of interacting with them. Partly becaue I think it would be nice to like one, but my experiences with women like that in the past is that most of them are heartless and mean and the few that are decent human beings are completely un-obtainable. I wouldn't want to ruin their day anyway so I just leave them alone.

IsAB wrote:Mullog, that total lack of facial expression you mention...is it something you do when the prospect of interaction is threatening or everytime you're around attractive females?

The lack of expression is something I've noticed for a long time now when looking at some old videos of me and also by the way I perceive others comunicate with their body. I just don't have that. My face is mostly like a stone, because sometimes when I do try(or allow) a different facial expression I don't always get a good response. I have found the there are time when people, sometimes(rarely) women smile at me(the best thing in the world, really) and I smile back, but somehow I always feel like my expressions are just weird.

As far as what iron said...yeah, you're right in all things, except on one point I don't relate:the giving up on having a romantic relationship. Being 22, I AM beginning to feel less distressed around atractive women because in some way I've kind of accepted not being a man women are atracted to, but on the other hand I still need to believe I can change and improve myself(altough I'm not doing it) to make myself somewhat atractive or at least friendly looking(my dead face doesn't help).

I've come to a point in my life where I know my problems and things I should do to solve them(parts at least), but I just can't make myself to do them and sometimes when I do I get cut off by the aformentioned(is this right?) depression.


I honestly feel like I am the shadow of the man I should be. I feel half dead inside, unable to live this life of mine, which shouldn't be that bad since outside my mind the rest of the problems I had were nothing someone healthy wouldn't resolve easily.

mullog wrote:So, my depression comes and goes. Sometimes the depression last weeks and the non-depression stage a month. But I've noticied that what triggers the depression state is watching people my age(23)-especially when they're in groups. They all seem care-free and friendly. If I see a couple I find myself comtemplating my loneliness(even while working) and if I see a group of girls(especially beatiful girls) my self-esteem goes so low that I find my facial expression range(which is constantly low) go to 1.
Then depressive state installs and lasts for a while, with all the pain that comes with it.

I can't stop myself from contemplating others, especially those that have lives(or at least some things in their lives) I feel like I should have, but doing so always destroys me. When I was 16 I hated everyone and just didn't give a f*** on what I didn't have. But I am more mature and those feelings of hate are long gone and I just feel like I should be able and am not.

I do not look forward for my future.

I can relate.

Did you ever try to visualize these happy perfect people as they exist over time? Not just this perfect summer moment. Visualize them as vulnerable crying babies, waiting to be changed. Visualize them as frail, dying seniors. Because of the way our minds work, it seems like these perfect people have nothing but happy summer moments together, and that's what we react to emotionally. But if you think about it, that's not how life is. These perfect people have a lot of suffering to go through, just like we do. When you think about that instead of how perfect they are at this moment, you'll feel compassion and kinship instead of jealousy and depression.

(Not that I remember to do this very often)

Another Buddhist "look at it over time" trick, modified for hot women or men you're looking at. Imagine that the Buddhist notion of rebirth is correct, and that through infinite past lifetimes, you've already been in every possible relationship with every other sentient being. Traditionally, Buddhists imagine that every being has been their mother, so they feel love and gratitude. But try this instead: over infinite past lifetimes, you've already dated everyone in the room. They may be hot women (at the moment), but you've already dated them. Your emotions react to what you're thinking about - even though you're just imagining it - and you'll feel more comfortable.

(Not that I remember to do that very often, either)

I can relate, I just hate it when I see groups of friends messing around having fun, couples making out, and girls with guys. Thoughts just rush through my head of what im missing out, and if I will ever with have the chance to do any of this.

For example a few days ago when I was walking home. I saw a guy and a girl in the middle of a grassy field making out. I was about to break down right there and then as I thought to myself that its unfair that I've never been in a relationship with a girl let alone talked to a girl 1on1.