Hey

Hey i'm new, I just decided to post a message out of sheer boredom and as I don't have any freinds I'm stuck at home.

I'm 18 years old and live in Dorset - England. I was abit nervous about posting this because I was scared that people might think I'm wierd and start critising - irony.

I really don't like ranting about my feelings to people because I know it's not what they want to hear, but if I'm going to do it the best place to do it would be here. Although I have not been professionally told I have APD, I have a feeling I have it - out of fear of what my parents will think i'll never find out.

I don't have many friends at school and no really close freinds, and because my reputation for being a loner at school is so bad - no one wants to know me. I'm not really sure what to do about my condition so some advice would be nice. xxxx

Though i doubt i can be of much help,
i can tell you you haven't made mistake by joining to this site, since there are many people who can relate to your situation

i haven't figured out how to treat my loneliness either but i'm quite certain there isn't just one advice that would help me

it's very likely entire process...

Still, after a while i figured out i wouldn't want to be friends with everyone. I want to socialize with people who are also compationate, down to earth, tollerant...

The most frequent question i ask to myself lately is
where are these people??!

First a comment on what Domino said. You felt scared you would even be rejected and humiliated on a board for sufferers of avpd. I can just tell you that i catch myself thinking the same thing, but it doesn't bother me that much. I'm anonymous and people really don't know me, and I have a fairly thick skin towards negativity from other people on the net after having been online for many many years.

Online I feel pretty free. It's much easier to be confident and maybe project a different image of yourself here. The interpersonal risks seems much smaller than in real life.

Theres also something lana said that I can agree with.

Still, after a while i figured out i wouldn't want to be friends with everyone. I want to socialize with people who are also compationate, down to earth, tollerant...

I think those people exist, but when you don't socialize that much they are of course pretty difficult to find. It's natural for a person afraid of being rejected and humiliated to wish to be together with people they know they can partially trust. People that aren't so interested in putting them down for their own sake, or for their own fun.

Unfortunately I think the people that show respect, not matter how vounerable and weak a person seems, are somewhat rare. Most people act like sheep, and don't put much thought into what they say or do. Some people are of course brutal or evil, but in most cases I think people just follow the stream, because that easier than setting and living up to a personal standard. You don't have to have compassion if you don't want to. The social game is in many cases completely without rules, and it's unfortunately very easy most times to get away with it if you violate other people. So i completely understand the need to be with people that won't abuse their power and be mean to you.

Hey domino, it's good to have you. Even if you have never been diagnosed (I haven't), hanging around here can't hurt if you suffer from some of these problems. I think you will find that you agree with a lot of what people say on here, and if so you are probably in the right place.

and because my reputation for being a loner at school is so bad - no one wants to know me. I'm not really sure what to do about my condition so some advice would be nice. xxxx

This is what happened to me once I went to college. People thought I was normal at first but then everyone slowly realized I acted like a complete loner. As time goes on, less and less people will make the effort to interact and it only makes everything worse.
As far as advice? Not sure what to tell you that will help you directly, I am no psychiatrist. But if you are here, realizing and accepting that you may have a problem is the first step. The second one is actively trying to overcome these problems and change your negative thought processes that may give rise to these sorts of things. It is tough as hell though.

And by the way, I read your poem. I like it, can relate very well to some extent.

Still, after a while i figured out i wouldn't want to be friends with everyone. I want to socialize with people who are also compationate, down to earth, tollerant...

The most frequent question i ask to myself lately is
where are these people??!

This is EXACTLY what I think all the time.

Hi Domino!

I just joined a few days ago, and I felt the exact same way. I was (and still am) like, "I'm just some non-diagnosed 17 year old stumbling in. they're probably gonna tell me to get lost"

well, they didn't, thankfully!

it's very nice to meet you; you sound a lot like myself; I too am scared witless about what my parents would say if I told them what I've found out about AvPD and scoial anxiety (There's nothing wrong with you! Just get over it already!)

hope to talk to you soon.

I just joined a few days ago, and I felt the exact same way. I was (and still am) like, "I'm just some non-diagnosed 17 year old stumbling in. they're probably gonna tell me to get lost"

well, they didn't, thankfully!

it's very nice to meet you; you sound a lot like myself; I too am scared witless about what my parents would say if I told them what I've found out about AvPD and scoial anxiety (There's nothing wrong with you! Just get over it already!)

I felt the same way when joining, as if I wouldn't qualify as an avoidant and they would all think I'm some sort of poser trying to get attention.

I feared telling my parents for a long time about my social problems, and I felt even worse once I discovered I could put a label on them. Eventually I decided I would tell my dad and the first thing he said was, "You are too young to be letting this affect you." I felt pretty devastated and decided my parents were worthless at relating to this, but about a week later he might have come to a realization and started talking to me about it and looked up some information on it. Scheduled me an appointment and I have prozac now but I haven't taken any yet, I'm hesitant and fearful of the stuff. He also said he would help me set up an appointment with the psychiatrist he used to use since he thought that one was very good. I still haven't decided to schedule one yet though, maybe with time. I eventually told my mother, she sympathesized somewhat but I don't think she gets it fully.

End of the line was, it sucked at first but I think it got a load off my back now that I have. Helps to tell someone how you are feeling sometimes and they treat me differently now (in a good way) so I'm glad I told them. I think the decision to tell your parents should be based on how you think your parents will react. I know not all can be as understanding and some may be even more sympathetic. Judge the situation.

my family knows I'm socially "awkward", as they put it, but they don't quite get how deep it is. they just hink I'm being antisocial. I told my grandmother, whom I live with (i also live with my dad ans Stepmom. my birth mother isn't part of the picture) that I was hurting myself, and she dismissed it as trying to get attention, and said (and still says) "You think YOU have problems? you're only 17! you can't have problems that young!" which is maybe why the thought of telling anyone is enough to put the idea out of my head.