Self Sabotage

Every time I receive any praise or feel as if I am doing well at work I find myself falling into destructive habits and end up hating myself a little bit more when it causes me to fail. It's as if I have some kind of inverse ego with a defense mechanism of destroying me whenever I start thinking too highly of myself. Does anyone else have this problem?

"Balancing it out." Yep, I do it, and it's almost automatic. If someone says something nice to or about me, I've been trained to think the opposite so I stay even keel, so I "don't get too big for my britches." I was raised to think that knocking me down - so I would have such low self esteem I couldn't leave - was an act of love.

Being aware of it is the first step. The next is to catch yourself in the act. Then you start trying to resist it. Be kind to yourself during that process, because it's almost impossible to do in the beginning. Eventually you'll be able to stop it cold or realize that your impulse to bring yourself back down is not authentic and don't let it stop you.

Hello + welcome avoidant112
Yeah I know this problem pretty well. I hate myself for being a failure and at the same time hate myself even more if I actually "acomplish" something, because I feel I don't have a right to be proud of myself, not to talk about being praised by others.
Also, because of my constant fear of being not capable of doing things, actually experiencing to be good at something makes me anxious, and I'll somewhat involuntarily (yet sometimes being aware of it) sabotage myself, bc when I'm back at the failure-state of being, at least there's nothing I can loose anymore so to say.
Oh well, not sure if this makes any sense.
Another way I sabotage myself, if someone's nice to me, I will sometimes be rude and cold just to push this person away. I feel more comfortable knowing they reject me and knowing why than being treated nicely and always dreading the moment they will finally reject me like anyone else...

Yeah, I got this too. As if I'm not comfortable being in the positive so I find a way to stay in the negative. Part of me wants me to stay miserable. The other is just tired of feeling like crap. It's a constant tug of war.

Perfectionism doesn't help either. You receive praise, part of you starts thinking about the impossible standards that either you, or the other, or both will have.

Maybe the negative is more comfortable in a way. In the sense that you have less to lose. You don't have to deal with other's envy either.

The negative can be like a blanket. Same as the night that seem to offer some protection sometimes.

(i don't want to diminish the pain of the negative though. It's just some thoughts)

That's funny, I had a similar conversation earlier with my psychosocial rehabilitation counselor.

We were trying to find new challenges I could accomplish to improve myself socially and she suggested saying thank you whenever I'm praised. I ended up explaining to her that the problem wasn't saying thank you, it was believing in the praise itself.

Whenever someone praise me I just think "They're just trying to be nice or make me feel good about myself" or "What I did wasn't praise worthy because most people can easily do the same and more" etc...

She ended up getting insulted because I thought her praises were fake and went on about how she had worked with people much worse off than me and that I'm more capable than I think which kinda confirmed I wasn't praise worthy.

Long story short, we couldn't find a solution to this problem, sorry.

4 years later, still self sabotaging. I remember feeling as if I was at rock bottom when I originally made this post. Boy was I wrong.

avoidant112 wrote:4 years later, still self sabotaging. I remember feeling as if I was at rock bottom when I originally made this post. Boy was I wrong.

That's interesting, I have always felt the same (about always reaching new lows). To the point where I can actually look back at what were "awful" times and actually miss that period or feel some fondness for it. Maybe it's the way our minds misinterpret what is happening in the moment. But I think it's just a feature of life to some extent, we're all going to suffer the indignities of aging and so on

wobbie wrote:

avoidant112 wrote:4 years later, still self sabotaging. I remember feeling as if I was at rock bottom when I originally made this post. Boy was I wrong.

That's interesting, I have always felt the same (about always reaching new lows). To the point where I can actually look back at what were "awful" times and actually miss that period or feel some fondness for it. Maybe it's the way our minds misinterpret what is happening in the moment. But I think it's just a feature of life to some extent, we're all going to suffer the indignities of aging and so on

Two minutes ago I looked up an article on self-sabotage, then visited this forum and hah saw the title of this thread. The article wasn't much good so I wont share it, but reading the above post by Wobbie is something I relate to so well.
@Wobbie, I do the same and have tried to analyse what the hell is it about. I think it is a failure to appreciate being in the moment. We only appreciate moments that have passed, but simply forget that those past moments were moments unappreciated at the time also; both the good and the bad.
I think it goes hand in hand with depression.
A few months ago I saw a psychiatrist. Only my second ever, in many years. He told me I was 'addicted' to negative thinking. I felt resentful, but lately feel he might be right if overly simplistic.
I continuously long for a 12yr stretch in my life spent with an addict. It was a lonely and isolating time, and I cannot fathom WHY I am missing it. Is it actually the loneliness of that time I miss ?
As for self-sabotage. I am a master at it . I have just existed a forum where I had built up a decent reputation for being okay. I started a controversial thread and ended up upsetting many people. I actually didnt give a F. Was rude, defensive , arrogant and in the mood to take on all the MFO's who disagreed with me. Now I feel I can NEVER go back and I actually liked some people there. My 'invincible' mood has worn off, and I cannot face the backlash.

salles wrote:I continuously long for a 12yr stretch in my life spent with an addict. It was a lonely and isolating time, and I cannot fathom WHY I am missing it. Is it actually the loneliness of that time I miss ?

In general, we're trying to recreate early experiences.

salles wrote: I started a controversial thread and ended up upsetting many people. I actually didnt give a F. Was rude, defensive , arrogant and in the mood to take on all the MFO's who disagreed with me.

What happened? Something must have happened...