isolation of affect

Defined as: "This defense involves a split between thoughts and feelings. Painful, troublesome, frightening feelings are removed from the thoughts they usually accompany and forced from conscious awareness. A mental process involving the creation of a gap between an unpleasant or threatening cognition, and other thoughts and feelings. By minimizing associative connections with other thoughts, the threatening cognition is remembered less often and is less likely to affect self-esteem or the self concept." Basically a form of dissociating. Similar, yet distinct from Intellectualization.

Thinking about it I use this one all the time... but I've only just discovered the name of it (as it seems to be a lesser known defense mechanism). Through both this and conscious denial, I'm trying to avoid "putting the pieces together" in my head so as to avoid forming a whole picture of what is going on, and in turn avoiding damage to my self-concept and worth, and so on. IOA may also explain why despite remembering what happened, I don't always feel hurt by it anymore.

I'm posting here because I think other avvies may relate to this, such as when it comes to managing painful thoughts -- we may remember what happened yet no longer feel the negative emotion that came with it. Anyone know that feel (or lack of )?

Strange one, I didn't really hear that term before. It kind of sounds a bit like what my psychiatrist wants me to try and do? As in just observing what happened or my feelings to try and detach from it.

It does seem to require a lot of self-awareness though and that might be something hard to do when you are caught up in anxiety. From my own experiences, it's pretty overwhelming when anxiety and depression takes over and some stuff that happens during those moments like...automatically latch onto those emotions.

At the same time though, thinking about it...maybe a lot of people do this, especially over time when the pain of a certain thing fades a bit and it is easier to detach it entirely and see it as a simple event. That might be something else though, I don't know.

Hello Auxiliary

I've read into defense mechanisms before, but I didn't get what isolation of affect was about until I read your example for it, and now I have to say I really do use this all the time.

I'm trying to avoid "putting the pieces together" in my head so as to avoid forming a whole picture of what is going on, and in turn avoiding damage to my self-concept and worth, and so on. IOA may also explain why despite remembering what happened, I don't always feel hurt by it anymore.

With painful memories, my mind usually goes amazingly blank when it comes to percieving emotions. The same is if something bad is happening to me interpersonally in that very moment, I won't show or feel any emotions like being hurt, humiliated and such untill I come home and totally crush down.
Sometimes, I think, I use this defense mechanism intentionally, like I already percieve the gap between experience and (lack of) emotion, and targetedly split the two even more because I don't want to feel anything. At other times, this inability to feel emotion gets really annoying. This is when I feel numb and estranged from myself, and try to figure out how to emotionally evaluate a certain thing, but just can't. It makes me really frustrated with myself.

I don't think this is the same as objective reflected evaluation of an event though, when you are aware of your feelings and able to percieve them and at the same time view them from an outside perspective as well. That would rather be the constructive, healthy variant of what IOA is trying (and failing) to do I think.

To somehow knit this thread along, other defense mechanisms I use a lot: intellectualization, identification with the aggressor, hardening, daydreaming/mind wandering/searching for distractions (kind of a cognitive form of avoidance).

I recently realized I have this issue. I can remember painful events, but because I had to sacrifice my own self worth through the abuse I can no longer relate to the emotions associated with the events. I actually got to the point where I was so good at finding ways for everything being my fault that I stopped allowing myself to feel negative responses. At most I would feel a desire to get distance from the situation.

Hmm I didn't entirely understand this thread when I read it, I mean I understand the concept but can't apply it to myself.

But after a somewhat strange conversation with my friend today, I think he may be doing exactly this. I was amazed at some of what he was saying because he was talking about doing things that I thought would be very upsetting for him but it's like he doesn't associate them with his past. This post would make a lot more sense if I told the details but they're not mine to tell.

Suffice to say it's like he's split his memories into facts and feelings and has buried the feelings part. It's actually kind of worrying because I think he might be a lot more traumatised than I realised. And more than he realises

AvoidantPenny wrote: I was amazed at some of what he was saying because he was talking about doing things that I thought would be very upsetting for him but it's like he doesn't associate them with his past. This post would make a lot more sense if I told the details but they're not mine to tell.

Suffice to say it's like he's split his memories into facts and feelings and has buried the feelings part. It's actually kind of worrying because I think he might be a lot more traumatised than I realised. And more than he realises

You know, not everyone has to experience life the same way you do. He might truly not be affected by these experiences. You can't assume to know what's going on in someone's mind. He might just not be ruminating. He might have come to peace with is past.

It's much better for everyone for you to focus on yourself and not try to diagnose, pathologize, or judge other people, even your friends. Is it possible it fascinates you because it distracts you from your own issues?

inverse, IDK, I think a lot of people who are involved with internet mental health sites find friends through this (me too). So that would be the reason you might have more contacts who are "struggling" too and know about it as an Avie.
The other thing, I find myself to be very receptive and watchful to the feelings of others, not on the outside that much, but I tend to think about it a lot. I guess that's because I've always wondered why other people weren't receptive towards my own emotional needs and feel angry about it, and I don't want to be that "ignorant" myself, even though often times I guess it's just normal to be caught up by one's own point of view and needs.

Unsocial Butterfly wrote:I recently realized I have this issue. I can remember painful events, but because I had to sacrifice my own self worth through the abuse I can no longer relate to the emotions associated with the events.

I relate so much. I didn't even know that it was a problem. It's not like I could do differently. The only time I forced myself to feel something remembering my childhood, I made my first panick attack. I saw myself doing my attack and I thought this was quite ridiculous and a stupid thing to do.

inverse wrote:You know, not everyone has to experience life the same way you do. He might truly not be affected by these experiences. You can't assume to know what's going on in someone's mind. He might just not be ruminating. He might have come to peace with is past.

It's much better for everyone for you to focus on yourself and not try to diagnose, pathologize, or judge other people, even your friends. Is it possible it fascinates you because it distracts you from your own issues?

They aren't the sort of experiences that people can come to peace with without therapy.

I'm not diagnosing, pathologising or judging him. I'm learning possible explanations for his unpredictable behaviours and this will enable me to be more understanding and supportive of him. I'm certainly not distracted from my own issues, having spent a lot of time focusing on them recently and with definitive improvements as a result.

AvoidantPenny wrote:They aren't the sort of experiences that people can come to peace with without therapy.

Everyone has different tolerances and levels of resiliency. You can't make blanket assumptions about anyone.