Perfectionism as a cause of AvPD

eatmypills wrote:I actually think that being Avoidant is like a defense mechanism, it protects me from some other terrible and far worse feeling, if that makes any sense.

"Many persons diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder have had painful early experiences of chronic parental criticism and rejection. The need to bond with the rejecting parents makes the avoidant person hungry for relationships but their longing gradually develops into a defensive shell of self-protection against repeated parental criticisms.[2]"

It absolutly is a defense mechanism. What makes anyone develop it? I guess it depends. In my case parent rejection(mother) and painful early relationships(when I was very young in 1 year I went through many different schools) seems to fit perfectly.

I think it's very important to realize that we were not meant to be like this. It is not a design flaw, but rather something we've grown up to be. It is just not our fault. If anything it is a defense/safety mechanism that worked to avoid pain. But also creates pain.
Whatever it was, we got to live with it.

Argh, when I said rewiring was impossible I meant you can't change your personality. But of course, you can teach yourself to think in patterns that work around that personality. If you can fall into the habit of thinking in the dysfunctional way most of us probably do, you can also train yourself to do the opposite. But yes, it will take just as long . I've seen someone turn their AvPD symptoms around this way.