Hakuna Matata

Hello,
I use this site sometimes to get an outside opinion on my thoughts, maybe not all avoidant related but...

I notice something when talking to people. I want to disagree most of their opinions.
Disagreeing sometimes even the things I agree on, just because the person talking to me agreed on it.

I dont know why that happens...
There seems to be a lot of things i dont know about myself...

https://www.16personalities.com/entp-personality

I don't really know if that has anything to do with avoidance but I think that it does describe me fairly well.

You're just contentious all the time?
Could be a defense mechanism to keep people away from you.

I had this when I was younger and maybe even nowadays sometimes... Maybe it could be a way to keep a certain distance between myself and people? If you agree on a lot of things, people might be all like "Wow, we're sooo similar!" and that could feel intrusive or flat out annoying, if you don't feel like you're a similar person at all. (it could even be an avoidance thing where you fear that they will start to expect too much from you, if you seem so agreeable)
Maybe that behavior could also stem from a contempt for social norms or a desire to be/seem original?

I've seen it happen quite often. I don't know if it's a sign that there's something wrong or simply that some people like the conflict or disagreement that comes with it. I do get the impression that some people just like to argue and disagree on things just for that reason.

I don't like conflict so I usually don't start an argument about something, unless it really, really rubs me the wrong way. Like I said though, it does seem like some people out there like to start arguments or fights...maybe for the control it gives or the adrenaline. Can't tell really.

I used to be like this a lot when I was younger and catch myself doing it still sometimes but when I was younger I asked myself why I was doing this [always picking at myself] and i found that people around me were defining me. Not necessarily verbally, but by going with the flow, so-to-speak. I am someone who can be invisible one on one with someone.. anyways it wasnt until I defined something that was just mine that I gained some control over it.. I dont know if this is something you can connect to but this is what I found of myself.

Edit: I feel like i am wrong here, so please dont read into this post too much.

I knew someone in college like that. He was very well aware of what he was doing, and almost seemed to find pleasure in it. He would always pick the opposite side - no matter what the issue was about. When someone called him on it, he answered that it was good debating practice for him because he wanted to be an attorney one day.

Sometimes I feel that people just agreeing with me means that they're humouring me, or it's because I'm dominating them with the force of my personality, or my charm is actually working and I become quite self concious about that. I might feel a bit embarrased by someone defering to my wisdom when there's probably something wrong with what I'm saying and a more critical person would say how my opinions are a bit stupid.

NoM8s wrote:Sometimes I feel that people just agreeing with me means that they're humouring me, or it's because I'm dominating them with the force of my personality, or my charm is actually working and I become quite self concious about that. I might feel a bit embarrased by someone defering to my wisdom when there's probably something wrong with what I'm saying and a more critical person would say how my opinions are a bit stupid.

100% same

inverse wrote:You're just contentious all the time?
Could be a defense mechanism to keep people away from you.

Contentious... I had to google that

I wouldn't be surprised if it was like that. At all.

But how can I prove it ?

-- Wed Apr 13, 2016 9:12 pm --

lindi wrote:I had this when I was younger and maybe even nowadays sometimes... Maybe it could be a way to keep a certain distance between myself and people? If you agree on a lot of things, people might be all like "Wow, we're sooo similar!" and that could feel intrusive or flat out annoying, if you don't feel like you're a similar person at all. (it could even be an avoidance thing where you fear that they will start to expect too much from you, if you seem so agreeable)
Maybe that behavior could also stem from a contempt for social norms or a desire to be/seem original?

Someone mentioned the keeping distance thing before...
But I cant agree more ( ironically ) with your last sentence.

When I was younger , I used to believe I was like a hidden gem, a megamind you know ?
And also now, I have a need to appear orignial and unique all the time, in every sentence that comes out of my mouth.

Why is that ?