Suicide

What may work for one person does not for everyone else. The god solution is not the answer for everyone. It definitely wasn't for me when I believed in that stuff. In fact, it was only making me worse and was half the source of my childhood depression. I don't want to get into a theistic debate so I will stop here, except to say that Scar Tissue has made it pretty clear religion is not going to help him.

Marijuana was the only "drug" that I really fell in love with, can't smoke it now because of my job. There is a pill called marinol that is synthetic THC and is quite legal. It would be considered "off label" to prescribe for mental disorders but a doctor could legally issue it, using his personal descretion.

I appreciate the suggestion ( psychedelics ) but I'm afraid that my
psyche is too fragile to be that stimulated. I don't want to end up as an "LSD casualty", ala, Syd Barret of Pink Floyd. I think I might
have a permenant psychotic break, if you know what I mean.

Did marijuana help at all with depression and thoughts of suicide? I know it doesn't for some people, but if it was working for you, at least remotely, you may want to consider finding another job if possible so you can start again. Not trying to encourage drug use, but you seem like a very intelligent person. There are not enough people like you, to be honest. Also, I think depending on were you live, it wont matter if you have a prescription for medical or marinol. You can still be tested positive for THC, which is all they care about, and be fired.

Psychedelics are a strange beast. They have mostly a bad rap, because the fear and wide spread stories of bad trips sound awful, and bad trips are extremely bad, but in reality they are rare. But psychedelics like LSD or mushrooms can be quite theraputic. I have shroomed 3 times succesfully. I don't really want to try LSD because it lasts too long. But, if you are considering suicide you might want to give them a try anyway. The trip is all about set and setting. Your frame of mind and the environment you are in determine the outcome of the trip. I had 2 good trips that were wonderful, and in fact helpful. One of them I would say I had a spiritual experience (not a religious one), very profound. But once, I had a bad trip. The reason; I was shrooming around people who were not so nice. If you think weed makes you self conscious around people, shrooming around people with AvPD is pure hell. I have to say that was the worst experience of my life, but I'm glad I experienced it for 2 reasons. It was one of the reasons I decided something was wrong with me and started to seek some help, and now I know how to have a safe psychedelic experience, which can be very rewarding. But if you don't want to try them, I can understand. I was afraid to try them for a very long time.

Ecstasy is the drug you need. It has been used medically for post-traumatic stress disorder. It also brings out the chemical and feeling "empathy".

Just my suggestion, but if you have problems with depression, I would steer clear of ecstasy and all phenethylamines for that matter. Yes they make being around people enjoyable, give you a great sense of euphoria and socialbility/empathy, but the comedown is very bad if you are already depressed. I came close to killing myself after I used 2C-B while depressed. I had never been so depressed in my life, and 2C-B is supposed to have an easy come down compared to MDMA. But if you are in a great mood, and overall happy they are worth a try if you are into that stuff. It's a fun experience.

That was a long post, but hopefully you find something useful.
Stick around for a while.

Iron Angel wrote:What may work for one person does not for everyone else. The god solution is not the answer for everyone. It definitely wasn't for me when I believed in that stuff. In fact, it was only making me worse and was half the source of my childhood depression. I don't want to get into a theistic debate so I will stop here, except to say that Scar Tissue has made it pretty clear religion is not going to help him.

Don't worry I don't want to get into a theistic debate either. To be honest, I was just suggesting the "God" solution as one last deperate attempt to keep him from suicide. I wasn't trying to force my beliefs down his throat or anything. I would'nt be so narrow-minded as to suggest that it is the only solution. It would be terribly tragic if he gave in now though.

Hello...

"Only marijuana holds any interest to me as a "chemical" solution
to my troubled mind. Yes it relieves my depression."

If it relieves your depression, does it mean you don't obsess so much about your thougths of suicide when high/stoned?

I'm also a bit curious of how often you have these thoughts..

As for me, I've looked on suicide as an option for the last 15 years, I've had my times thinking of suicide, still have them. Have everything planned. Lets say there's a reason I don't want a gun in my house. Death comes too fast too easily. Scary.

Have you ever tried to commit suicide? How are you going to commit suicide by the way? I'm pretty sure you've planned it all, just like I've done. Thing is, it's been on hold to me for a long time. Not saying it will take a long time for you. As I don't know.

I've several times had a sharp knife on my wrist, at night, wanting to end my life. But always, something's stopping me. Fear of the pain perhaps. The fear of looking at my cut wrists pumping blood. "If I had a gun it would be easier"..........


"When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on

'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts. You are not alone"

But I would guess for you it's not sometimes. You feel it's $#%^ all the time? It never goes in waves? You never have a happy moment in life?

I "know" several people who has commited suicide. One shot himself through the chest with a shotgun. One hang herself in the
basement. One overdosed himself with drugs.

Another close friend of mine tried to commit suicide while he was in an institution against his will. He cut his wrists and throat. You could say it was a scream for help. But he has told me several times at that time he really wanted to end his life. Terror reigned his mind. I believe him.

It's your call in the end, but until then, I'll just say what I say to my friend, try to hold on.... that's all I can do. For what reason? The one and only reason, it might get better. 1 month, 1 year, 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, 50 years.. there's still hope. That's my call on this subject.

Hope you don't get pissed off of course. As in "What the hell are you to come and say blablabla to me". You're telling this for a reason. You want help. You're trying. Or am I wrong?

I can relate in some degree to you and others that may be planning suicide. Fortunately i'm not so downtrodden that suicide is an obvious option for me yet, but maybe i'm getting there . I certanly feel that my curve has been going down the last 2-3 years. And it still goes down.....

When you get to a point where you can't continue life with rationalizations and pure will power any more, i can certanly see the walls closing in on you. Life is an exersise in futility anyway. A battle one has allready lost at birth . At least i see it that way. My glass is half-empty . Death is inevitable, no matter what you do. I'm just trying to state the facts here. My statements really have nothing to do with my personal opinions and feelings.

I imagine extreme or unpleasant emotion pain must be the ultimate motivation for suicide. One cannot rationalize it. No sane person would think about killing himself, if he wasn't forced to. The fear of death is strong in most of us.

Actually it's quite funny. Our small and insignificant lives. If we just could se the humour in it, maybe the pain and anguish would be easier to bear. But i fear pain and suffering is much funnier and entertaining when your not the person experiencing it . Not to say i'm lauging at you. But i can see both the deep tragedy, and the humour in my, and our, fate. Human life is a cosmic comedy. Maybe one shoudn't lay too much importance in it. Maybe i can't make up my mind about life. Is it a tragedy, is it a comedy? Could it be both things at the same time?

And one thing scartissue. Who was that guy in your previous avatar? I thought you had killed yourself when i saw the coffin as your new avatar. I expected to see your suicide note in the end of the thread . Fortunately you haven't come that far yet.

Don't worry I don't want to get into a theistic debate either.

No worries, I wasn't trying to be harsh or anything either.

Only marijuana holds any interest to me as a "chemical" solution
to my troubled mind. Yes it relieves my depression. Anything stronger that MJ is too much for me too handle and would probably end up being a psychological burden not worth the effort.

This is exactly the way I see it, except that I have more interest in it. But as far as being a solution, it is exactly that, a chemical one. I don't really feel as if it's actually a real solution to my problems. If anything, it can only make things worse in the long wrong if misused. But I use it mainly for that reason; a chemical solution to help alleviate the symptoms of a greater problem.

That is also sad to hear about your friend. Such a high dose around a cop would probably fry most minds. It's because of stories like those and the duration of LSD that makes me so disinterested in it.

I hope you find something that works. If not, enjoy the peace.