What is your name?

Does anybody here have issues with the use of their name?

For instance, back in school, I used to hate roll call because every day, for that split second after my name was called, it seemed like the entire attention of the room was upon me. Worse yet, I would have to speak up to acknowledge my presence, even if it was just to say “here”. Of course, these fears were silly in retrospect, since everybody else in the class had their name called out, and nobody ever really paid attention. Still, it always felt like I was in the spotlight for a second, which, of course, was a second too long.

Another example would be having to renew my driver’s license at the DMV. There, you had to wait in a series of lines to fill out a series of forms, and each time, they would call out your name on that grainy loudspeaker. I used to be terrified that there would be somebody I knew there, and upon hearing my name, they would rush over and start a conversation. Or worse, sit there without my knowledge, watching me.

I used to be embarrassed by my last name. Too many syllables, most of them vowels. To me, it sounds like baby talk. People would stumble over it, or mispronounce it frequently, but I would rarely correct them. That would be calling even more attention to it. I can remember on more than one occasion when people would say it wrong, and I would say, “Yeah, that’s it.” just so there wouldn’t have to be an extended discussion over it. Thankfully, I’m over that now.

Then there’s the issue of emails and other online correspondence. Depending on who I’m writing to, I am frequently unsure of how to sign my name. Do I use just my first name? Or does that sound too forward, too personal? Then there’s always the question of which form of my first name to use. Over the course of my life people have used just about every form of it (another example of me being too passive…it’s my name, why don’t I just own it and be the one to dictate what people call me?). Sometimes I just skip signing my name altogether.

Then there are the times I’ve been walking sown the street and somebody will call out my name. My first instinct is to pretend I haven’t heard it. If they persist, sometimes I feel like just running away. In a way, it offends me. It’s my name, my own personal name. Who are you to use it? O course this line of thinking is incorrect and a little bit ridiculous, but I can’t help it. I’m too touchy.

Sometimes when I’m deep in my head, I won’t even notice someone calling me. There have been times when people are saying my name to my face, but I just stare blankly as if they’ve just said the word “chair” or something. That’s probably a schizoid thing, but I wonder if it may be more common than I think for people with AvPD or who are otherwise shy and/or introverted.

I have a very silly last name that caused me no end of teasing when I was a kid, so it didn't help whatsoever.

I get what you mean though... a local supermarket has told the cashiers to use our names at the checkout stand. I really hate that. It's intrusive. I suppose I could check out without the club card, but I'm too cheap for that.

LOL I think the title of this thread scared a lot of people away! They figured you wanted their real names.

I changed my first name legally. Didn't help.

skyflyz wrote:a local supermarket has told the cashiers to use our names at the checkout stand. I really hate that. It's intrusive.

Intrusive! I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this way.

The pizzeria I go to asks for your name when you order over the phone. I go in there all the time. Whenever I do, the guy who works there always says "Hi Paul!".

inverse wrote:I changed my first name legally. Didn't help.

I wanted to do that to help erase all ties to my family but it was too expensive. Plus, I have no idea what I'd change it to.

I thought about changing my last name but it just seems like an enormous pain in the butt. I briefly started using my husband's last name when I was married but never legally changed it to that.

I've never liked my first name because it is very old-fashioned. My husband told me that I could always legally change it to something else, but I could never bring myself to do that. I would have no idea what to change it to?!

First names are sort of easy to change in a way. People use nicknames. Not sure if that helps, but I know of people who use either a nickname or their middle name instead of their first name.

Marcus555 wrote:

skyflyz wrote:a local supermarket has told the cashiers to use our names at the checkout stand. I really hate that. It's intrusive.

Intrusive! I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this way.

It's weird I suppose that they find it more personal. But for me it sounds like a mixture of intrusion and - how do you say - worldliness? I feel that they create some sort of cold distance, doing that.

Philonoe wrote:It's weird I suppose that they find it more personal. But for me it sounds like a mixture of intrusion and - how do you say - worldliness? I feel that they create some sort of cold distance, doing that.

That's because it's impersonal. They don't really mean it. They have to say it. I wonder if this kind of fake social "niceness" is especially disturbing to avoidants...

..because the opposite is true also; when I waited tables, sometimes regular customers would ask me to call them by their names. This was awkward for me. It felt too personal. Worse, I have trouble with remembering names.

Marcus555 wrote:

Philonoe wrote:It's weird I suppose that they find it more personal. But for me it sounds like a mixture of intrusion and - how do you say - worldliness? I feel that they create some sort of cold distance, doing that.

That's because it's impersonal. They don't really mean it. They have to say it. I wonder if this kind of fake social "niceness" is especially disturbing to avoidants...

I don't know in general. I don't like much fake social niceness but to some doses I can adapt. I mean, it's like a ballet you are supposed to dance...

What's weird to me is when someone is in some sensitive contact with me and suddenly when i leave says politely my last name. I feel refrigerated.

..because the opposite is true also; when I waited tables, sometimes regular customers would ask me to call them by their names. This was awkward for me. It felt too personal. Worse, I have trouble with remembering names.

Well, I know that's not very avoidant : sometimes i like when the person remembers me. For instance in a place if i would ask for mint tea and they don't have it anymore and next week they recognise me and say "we have mint tea this week!", i find it nice.

Or if they say "you forgot your raincoat last month. Here it is."

This is not about name, though.