Getting close to a person with AvPD

Hi ukayjo.

I'm not female , so I don't know if my thoughts help ... It's just my 2 cents.

I can understand how you feel you are being pushed away , but it's possible that might be the wrong word for what's happening.

I have to "recharge" every so often . meaning I really need to be alone in order to have energy and even the will to be with another person .... I don't have a cycle though , so that's interesting/ different to me .

I'm those times I would welcome a text saying something like
" I know you need some time alone and when you are ready for company -I'm here."

Then just let me contact you .


I wish you the best of luck , and yes if the recharging cycle is more than you can accept then moving on would be best . if she needs it the way I do , it won't change.

Whisperashout wrote:I'm those times I would welcome a text saying something like
" I know you need some time alone and when you are ready for company -I'm here."

As for me, that might feel as passive-aggressive pressuring to make me "hurry up" with the recharging though. So if you want to send that kind of a message, I'd advise to at least not do it very soon after she has said that she needs alone-time, and also definitely to not send several messages like that in a row...

As for me, that might feel as passive-aggressive pressuring to make me "hurry up" with the recharging though. So if you want to send that kind of a message, I'd advise to at least not do it very soon after she has said that she needs alone-time, and also definitely to not send several messages like that in a row...[/quote]


Yes -true-----well said lindi ... Mid cycle and only one time would be perfect for me to get that text.

Arrrgh , this hypothetical romance makes me feel like I'm high maintenance.

Hello.

ukayjo wrote:When she has her 'good days' she will be happy to see me (...) And this vicious cycle repeats every 2-3 weeks, since I met her, which is 6 months.

I'm no expert but imho your one over there doesn't look a proper avoidant from the description you are giving. That sounds more like bipolar. The problem with all these mental illnesses is they are difficult to tell one from another in a glance, summed with a few words. They share loads of gray areas.

ukayjo wrote:I really care about her and I don't want to give up, I feel like if I get a chance to be fully accepted by her and if I make her feel good enough to be around me more often...

Looks more like the case of you accepting her because as you can see, she'll probably be working in cycles like those for her whole life unless she willingly decides to step up, look for professional help, take meds and yet there's no guarantee whatsoever if all that would keep bringing her back to you. Until then you'll find yourself wrapping your brain up in knots trying to figure out why on earth she pushes you away. You must be feeling a wreck with all those ups and downs and if that's too much for you, maybe you should split for the sake of your own sanity. Sorry to say that. She has her own problems to sort out first.

FineCupOfTea wrote:Hello.

ukayjo wrote:When she has her 'good days' she will be happy to see me (...) And this vicious cycle repeats every 2-3 weeks, since I met her, which is 6 months.

I'm no expert but imho your one over there doesn't look a proper avoidant from the description you are giving. That sounds more like bipolar. The problem with all these mental illnesses is they are difficult to tell one from another in a glance, summed with a few words. They share loads of gray areas.

I really like your thoughts here finecupoftea... bipolar would make the cycle more explainable.

As you say , its always best to be very cautious to put a label on it .

With some people who havent been diagnosed , they have a feeling something is wrong with them .
They just dont know what it is.

They can worry that the person they are dating will eventually see that unknown "something that is wrong".
If I felt my girlfriend was getting close to understanding something was wrong with me , it would be a good time to push them away.... I would feel guilty that I was hiding "that something wrong" and wanted my girlfriend to stop wasting time dating me and find someone else... I wanted them to be happy .

I wonder if the OP will come back to this thread or if they were offended for good A shame if they don't return, 'cause I think there has been new insightful comments...

Whisperashout wrote:I really like your thoughts here finecupoftea...

Cheers!

lindi wrote:I wonder if the OP will come back to this thread or if they were offended for good A shame if they don't return...

Ah really looks like she won't be coming back and yep, such a shame.