Do you tell others about AvPD? (Family, colleagues, etc)

Hi,
I'm in my mid twenties now and I always had problems with social interactions. I started therapy just now and was diagnosed with AvPD and Depression. A lot of things makes more sense to me now, like dropping out of college, being fired, avoiding any (close) relationships. My CV looks like a mess.
My family thinks im just too shy and dumb. We have a superfiscial, not trusting realtionship with a lot of fights. It's highly possible they don't take my diagnose seriously, ridicule and/or ignore it. But I have a lot of contact to them because I have to live at home (financial reasons).

I'm really afraid of telling my family or anyone really, but that diagnose seem like the missing explanation to fully understand me and have been asked for so many times and longing for it myself.

Have you told your family, coworkers, classmates, or even potential coworkers in job interviews about your diagnose? How did you do that ? How did they react?

I've tried telling my family, but like your family they rejected the idea. I think the "personality disorder" part was what they objected to.

They do accept that I am deeply flawed or emotionally scarred. They understand why this is.

Colleagues and friends understand me as being socially anxious, depressive, anxious, nervous, overly emotional and unpredictable. I also use these terms to explain myself.

I don't think it's necessary to use the label of AvPD. If you are willing to explain your situation then as long as you use terms that the other person can understand, then that's all that matters. Sometimes it's easier for them to process the information and relate to you if you use simpler terms.

However, there is still a lot of taboo and misunderstanding about mental illness. People have very negative perceptions and it can be used against you. So I would urge caution who you tell.

SB

I told my work colleagues that when I am quiet during lunch and seem distant showing a fearful or sad expression and not in mood for conversation, that it is because of anxiety. That those days when I can't manage to drive the whole way to work, is due to anxiety attacks and depression.
What I was greeted with was sneers, belittlement and gossip. If the work culture is to be macho, strong and to not show any weakness - telling about your dysfunction is like pouring gasoline on a fire. People have their own problems and want to keep it out of the workplace, and suddenly someone becomes the black sheep showing the scars. Damn I so hate that place. If I told them about AvPD, that I have a "personality disorder", they would probably look at me like a serial killer and get even more stuff to talk about when I'm not there. The boss is cultivating this toxic environment.

In the end I'd say it highly depends on your type of workplace and colleagues. I agree that it isn't neccesary at all to tell about AvPD, especially since it is still quite unknown and implies that it is something set in stone and hard to do something about. People relate more easily to common dignoses like social anxiety, nervousness and depression, even if they sometimes doesn't comprehend the full extent of it.

My diagnosis is between my doctor, therapist and I mostly. My family don't now, and I've made a conscious decision to do it that way. My family do know about my depression and anxiety- that's about it though. My colleagues know something's up, and have a general idea I'm dealing with mental illness. I've discussed it in passing with them too (not about the AvPD bit though.

As for explaining AvPD to people, I've never used the term AvPD with them, but described symtoms to them instead- something most seem to understand better. Sometimes said that I've got really bad social anxiety. Only share what and with who you feel comfortable with sharing though.

No because nobody really 'has' AvPD. You have personality traits just like every other person; 'AvPD' or any other 'personality disorder' is something psychologists use to make it easier to describe people who have enough of certain traits.

wallyb wrote:No because nobody really 'has' AvPD. You have personality traits just like every other person; 'AvPD' or any other 'personality disorder' is something psychologists use to make it easier to describe people who have enough of certain traits.

Yes, it's a term used to describe a common list of traits. But it's a list of traits that affect our lives enough to cause us serious problems with day to day functioning and cause serious distress- enough to be considered a disorder and not an average reaction to things. And a list of traits that we all identify with, so yes, we do have AvPD.

lilyfairy wrote:

wallyb wrote:No because nobody really 'has' AvPD. You have personality traits just like every other person; 'AvPD' or any other 'personality disorder' is something psychologists use to make it easier to describe people who have enough of certain traits.

Yes, it's a term used to describe a common list of traits. But it's a list of traits that affect our lives enough to cause us serious problems with day to day functioning and cause serious distress- enough to be considered a disorder and not an average reaction to things. And a list of traits that we all identify with, so yes, we do have AvPD.

All I'm saying here is that if you look at the list of traits for AvPD (or any other PD) then you may find you don't identify with all of them or you may identify with traits from other PD. I don't think everyone fits nicely into the definition of a single PD especially (especially as the definitions periodically change) which is why I don't agree with the idea of a person "having" a PD in the same way you can have a physical illness. That's just my personal opinion though and I understand you or others may have different views.

I have not told work or family because i dont want myfamily to worry. I think they know something is up but don't ask. And its never discussed. Personally speaking and slightly off topic, I feel that avpd is very much like a physical illness. I don't know if other people can relate to this.

People with serious physical conditions may disagree but the condition causes significant physical and mental health issues for its sufferers

Personally I'm not exactly avoidant but insecure.

If someone tells me about their diagnosis I'll not know what to do. Because finally all people are different.

Most important to me is to be told about your needs ("I need time alone", "I prefer not to shake hands", "I don't feel comfortable in a restaurant", etc.) So i'll understand better and try to respect them.
If you don't tell me and we go to a restaurant and you feel uncomfortable, I'll think it's because of me

In reality, all people have specific needs and likes.

But I know that expressing one's needs is not easy

Thank you for your many replies . Ive been more of the low side moodwise, so sorry that i couldnt reply faster. Its interesting to listen to your ways of talking to others about it , its actually pretty much the same as me right now. my family knows some of the symptoms. beside my family i only have aquiantance really , i dont trust them enough to tell them that . most of them just think im (a bit) awkward. i think if i would tell them , they wouldnt give me the chance of being less "awkward" around them or talk about it too much, stigmatize me.

Thanks again, this really helped me