Rant: I don't want to hang out with them!!!

This girl I knew in high school (she was kinda my friend I guess? I don't have real friends lol) wanted to hang out with me and of course I agreed and acted all enthusiastic about it because I don't want her hating me and getting upset. We're gonna go to a dessert bar on Saturday with a bunch of other people from high school.

I REALLY don't want to go, and thinking about it makes me sick. I have avoided everyone for over a year and now I have to act all friendly with them again. I am boring and I have nothing to talk about, and I don't even really care about them..

I'm also terrified of getting my picture taken, and I'm sure they will want to take heaps of photos. I can't bring anything up because they'll just think I'm whiny and boring, and they'll say something like, "It's no big deal!!" when IT IS (I have trauma associated with it and I don't want any ugly pics of me to exist lol). I'd rather die than go tbh.

Anyway, too late to back out now.. I could, but I don't want to be rude or disappointing, ya know. AvPD is so hard because we can avoid situations, but we also avoid avoiding situations.. I'm such a pushover lol. I'm gonna have like 10000 panic attacks when I get there, if I do.

Thanks for reading, and feel free to share similar experiences and whatnot.

Hi,

I really relate to how you feel. Just reading your post, I could feel my anxiety rising. I could envisage the situation and I felt your pain and discomfort. I've been in this situation myself and I know how you are feeling.

The only thing I can offer is that you may be catastrophising. You may be imaging it will be worse than it actually will be.

Of course you will feel uncomfortable when you hang out with them. This is because you haven't done this before and its new to you. AvPD people hate uncertainty and this is an uncertain situation. I would say that it's okay to feel uncomfortable and uncertain. If you expect those feelings and try and not fight against that.

It sounds like this is an established group. They will be familiar with each other and may have 'in' jokes that you don't get. That too is okay. As a newcomer it's totally okay to not quite fit in. Fitting in takes time, so don't feel daunted by the fact that you feel you are not part of the group.

You don't have to prove yourself. Be yourself and allow the conversation to wash over you. Join in if and when you can, but don't beat yourself up if you say nothing.

If you have an issue with photos, try and explain why. I understand that they may put pressure on you. At that point, you could take your leave.

Remember, that you don't have to see these people again. I understand that you feel obliged to attend this time, but you're not obliged to see them after that.

I hope that things go well. Please post again afterwards to let us know how it goes.

Thanks snookiebookie!!! Thank you for taking the time to give me advice, I really appreciate it
Gotta hate that uncertainty haha.. I'll try to hang in there.
And I'll try to remember to post an update!

Oh my, I feel for ya. Reading that was like reading my own thoughts exactly. I have people I consider my friends but never hang out with. I'm already dreading a wedding that's still a year away and praying I don't get asked to be a groomsmen.

I also experience an extreme fear of getting my picture taken. Everyone knows that now though so most don't ask me even. My sisters are always taking pictures and posting on Facebook when we do things and I'm always tagged but not seen in any pictures haha. It's kinda ridiculous but I hate seeing myself in pictures.

I would say try to hang out and my only advice is be honest about your fears and hopefully they will be understanding but I know when there's a group and if there's drinking involved that's doesn't always work. Hang in there and I hope all goes well

I was told in some peoples, taking a picture is something like taking the soul of the person. So some people take a glass of water and leave (say, symbolically) the soul in the glass during the picture.

I think it becomes exaggerate. Even when i go to walk in the woods, i see plenty of people picturing each others.

I understand that you are ambivalent about going. Personally, i tend to go and allow myself to escape (with or without reason), at any moment if i need to. Just watch your watch/telephone and say "i'm sorry, i have to go. Thank you for this invitation "

That sounds daunting, Mistborn.. Good luck with that one :0
Thank you for your advice!

I didn't know about that glass of water thing, that's interesting.
I'd love to escape as well lol I'll see if I can do that.. I'm just always so worried about other people thinking I'm rude or something

Update:
My prayers have been kinda answered and the time had to be changed, and only 2 other people could make it. They are also the ones I'm more ok with LOL.

I let them two do most of the talking and I kinda just listened and joined in to comment or if I felt comfortable adding something. One of them also took a pic of me and I died inside but I couldn't tell them to delete it

I was pretty much stiff/awkward the whole time but I was able to get through it.. Only 2.5 hours or so. Bad news is that they want to catch up again early next year lolllllllll

Well done!

See it wasn't as bad as you imagined. I think all of us with AvPD are very good at imaging the worst.

I think that if you hung out with them on a regular basis them you'd relax and be less awkward. However, that's not saying you have to. I know we should try and not avoid, but also I think we shouldn't have to suffer it do things we really don't want to. If you don't want to go next time say no, or that you'll make it the time after.

So proud of you. It's incredibly hard to do what you did. You pushed through your fear and anxiety.

I don't like hanging out either.. I have 1 friend and he wants me to go out with him sometimes, but I always decline, but he understands my mind

Thanks snookiebookie! I tried so hard :'0
Social stuff are so exhausting, but I guess I'll have to try again next time I see them.. If I do.
Avoiding feels so much better...

I'm glad for you that you have an understanding friend, Angelina!!
I feel like some people I know kinda understand (from an introvert's perspective?), but I still feel like I'm disappointing them if I say no to them.. RIP me