Cannabis

it's 'funny' because i am high right now and have smoked almost ever day this week, yet I hate weed. It makes all of my issues worse: social anxiety increases, brain fog, poor concentration, feelings of depersonalization, poor memory, and no motivation to do anything. However, my life is extremely dull and getting high to feel a little different just kind of kills the dullness a bit. I don't smoke weed very often. I buy a small bag maybe a few times a year.

So, weed does not have any positive benefit to my issues. It's not therapeutic at all. But I do smoke occasionally just to feel different and to kill boredom.

'enchantment effect'. You'll be feeling good on it, then you recall something you hate about yourself, then you begin ruminating on it and you feel the dysphoria you usually would would but with double intensity...It can also make bad past experiences feel worse

actually, I get flashbacks of embarrassing moments from my past, and when I am high and have one of these flashbacks it can cause really negative feelings but sometimes I'll have an interesting insight about the flashback. I'll see it in a way I didn't see before.

While high, I've actually had a few of those 'waking up' moments where I realize this disorder is all in my head and I just have to stop thinking certain negative thoughts about myself and everything will go away --- the thing is, this is total fantasy and never converts into real world action or change.

It's been about 15 years or so since I've smoked, both for personal reasons as well as being employed in a field subject to testing.

I smoked from age 14-25 or so, for a long time it was fun socially, hanging out with friends and such... but eventually I noticed a shift from feeling good and fun to pretty bad paranoia when high, compounding general anxiety and social anxiety issues. At that point I was smoking what I considered to be a lot, so perhaps that may have been a contributing factor.

I also used to drink during most of that same time period - binging in social situations, because that's what we did hanging out, however, I stopped drinking a bit earlier, probably around 22... I really started to dislike that drunk, wet, spinny feeling. On very rare occasions since then, will I have a drink... but like I said, I really dislike that feeling.

The reason I bring up alcohol is that I always liked pot better than booze.

Sometimes nowadays I really would like something to help me relax, but alcohol isn't the ticket. If there was a way I was able to smoke, I would give it another shot -- in moderation, just to try to take some of the edge off.

I used to smoke but I don't now. My relationship with pot ended awhile ago. I don't think it should be illegal because I always think of all the ways I've embarrassed myself drinking but with pot all I do is watch a movie, read or do some art. It is much less destructive than alcohol. Unfortunately Marijuana makes my anxiety skyrocket so I pass on grass now. I do love drawing after smoking though.