is this avpd?

when it comes to friendships, I have to be reassured that I'm not annoying almost daily. I almost never share personal feelings with my friends and regret when I do share how i'm feeling. I won't text friends back for days but with still get upset when someone doesn't respond to me within minutes. I'm always afraid to push away friends by ignoring them, but at the same time i'm afraid to say something stupid in front of these friends so i'm kinda stuck.
romantic relationships are kind of different though. I want people to have feelings for me, I love knowing that someone thinks i'm worth something. I'll still ask if they are bothered by me sometimes, but eventually i'll just isolate myself. I won't hold hands or cuddle, and i'd rather stay home than go on a date. I'll apologize for being boring or ruining the day, but nothing will change.
I just wanna know i'm not the only person who's like this, that I'm not a bad person and that it isn't directly my fault that none of my relationships last.
I'm sorry if this is a lot or if no one really cares, but I don't have any in my life who I feel like I can share this with

You know we can't diagnose you. But my gut says, since you have multiple people you consider friends, probably not. Actually it sounds to me like you're just straight up introverted.

However, that doesn't mean you aren't going through some major stuff. If it's bothering you and affecting your relationships, I'd recommend therapy. Firstly, you can see where you are on the spectrum. Secondly, you can learn to talk about the things you've been holding back. Thirdly, you can learn ways of interacting with people that allow you to feel both close and safe. And fourth, you can find out who you are on you own without being reflected through someone else's eyes.

That last point - if I'm reading you correctly - is very unavoidant. Generally we have a pretty rock solid sense of self, even though it's heavily weighted toward the negative. If your personality is a reflection of who you're in a relationship with, that's a classic sign of Borderline Personality Disorder.

But again, my gut response is that you don't have a PD at all (lucky you.) I think you're just lacking some skills and some confidence. Fairly easy to fix.

I posted this at like midnight and in retrospect I probably shouldn't have, it's kind of incoherent and vague I guess
normally I don't feel like I'm really part of my 'friend group' and often end up separating myself further if I say something and no one laughs or someone disagrees with me
I know you can't diagnose me but I'm really not comfortable brining this up with anyone yet, so I guess I'm just kind of shouting into the void

I know what you mean by these friends who just don't respond to you. I have that too. For me, it had always been this way that I feel that I am just giving more than getting. And of course, avies have friends. Just they work differently than with normal people.

yeah, i don't think i've ever felt welcome in the group of people I surround myself with, I think they're great and I want so badly to feel welcome but I just never feel like i say anything worthwhile or that i'm as funny or smart as the rest of them