How to work through difficult patch with avoidant friend?

Yes totally platonic!

Yeah I did trigger her for sure, I absolutely recognise that now!

Thanks Hopeless Romantic! I care very much about my friends and this one is very dear to me. It's not been the easiest of friendships, and it's very easy to get paranoid at times, but the good outweighs the bad and it's totally worth it. She has been there for me during some hard times too.

So I'm wondering, Unsocial Butterfly, when your friend said you were her best friend and you didn't react too well, why was that? Did you dislike what they said? Or did you like it but not believe it? For me not responding or responding badly = not liking the message, but is just that it's too hard for you to accept / process / know how to reply sufficiently? Thank you x

I was happy, but couldn't believe it, and that made me really uncomfortable. I think this was because what I was hearing was contradicting what I had told myself was possible. Was this what happened with your friend?

It wasn't the original problem but I've said something similar while trying to fix things and got no response. My instinct is that she liked what I said but there's the element of doubt that she would rather I left her alone! I'm just trying to be chilled out when she doesn't reply to me about things cos I know that's her way. Hard on my self confidence sometimes though!

Have you noticed a pattern in what types of messages seem to not get a response? If you have I would just not send those messages. Also, if you are inviting her to group activities with your other friends, then I don't think that will go over well. My friend tried to invite other people out with us once, and I was pretty stressed out. I felt like the other people would a lot more interesting than I was, and there also the general stress about meeting new people.

btw. not replying to messages is not an avoidant thing. I know many people who tend to not reply to messages when they feel uncomfortable with the content, and none of them is avoidant. Unlike them, I usually reply to all my messages no matter what the content is.

She's not great at replying in general, but more so when it's personal or emotional. She's definitely uncomfortable with stuff like that so even though I'm fine with it I think I need to leave it.

In terms of trying to make things up with her how do you think I should approach it? Give her lots of space or be reassuring and keep in touch?

Thank you for talking this through with me!!

Thanks Hopeless Romantic. I think it's more that she doesn't interact in the way my other friends do - very rarely takes the initiative, often ignores messages including ones with direct questions or nice comments, is always too busy. It's a general level of not being very communicative, which is why developing a strong friendship has been hard and I think why she doesn't have many other friends. Does that make sense?

I would try to start a conversation about one her hobbies via text message, and keep it light for a while. Once she seems comfortable responding at the rate before the incident then try to make plans.

Does she work 24/7, or is it possible that she is pretending to be too busy as a explanation for not having a social life?