Do you treat your friends much better than the one you love?

Do people with AvPD treat friends much better than the one they love?

Nope. Never heard of that one. On the contrary, they tend to put 90+% of their energy into their "one and only" because it's so painful to lose them.

Why do you ask the question? Do you have a specific incident you're thinking about?

The problem is that they my not even get to the relationship stage with the 'one and only', because of the low self-esteem. Avoidants are afraid of rejection, so they reject the one who they are afraid would reject them. So in the end, they get rejected.

I don't know about people with avpd.

I can speak about own experience.

I think i observed what you describe. Some people, non aggressive in general, being aggressive the day they have someone very close to them and very important for them - probably through insecurity.

An other thing is : people who tend to forget own needs. It can happen that the day they have someone very close, paradoxically they tend to forget the needs of that person too, like they do for their own.

I don't know if this has something to see with what you describe?


(i hope my english is understandable)

I have this impression, to open a topic about it. And it's not just romantic love, I think avies act like this with anyone who like really. I have a great friend who went into retreat, violently, and began to act as if he hated me. I muitoi surprise when he learned that she had told another person she loved me (she would never know that this person would tell me). It's maddening. Apparently, avies are not afraid only of being rejected, avies are afraid to love people.

Think you've got it wrong.

Blimund wrote:Apparently, avies are not afraid only of being rejected, avies are afraid to love people.

I would agree. I do want love- very much so. And to be able to love, but at the same time am very afraid of it. Because it means being open with someone- allowing them in and making yourself vulnerable. Something too scary to do.

Maybe it's an age thing then.

Avies are afraid to be loved, because they see love as something very exceptional. They value love very high. They would be afraid to devote themselves to someone who would not love them back or someone who would betray their trust.

HopelessRomantic wrote:or someone who would betray their trust.

In which sense betray their trust?