something positive

P0ppy wrote:They actually, for once, had the blueberries I like at the store today. My lips are currently purple.

Also, there's a cute and very tiny squirrel who, for the last few days, has come right up to my window to stare at me

Maybe he wants a blueberry!

Marcus555 wrote:
I used to be like that. I'd liken someone expressing their happiness to me with being on a bus next to a sick person who sneezes on you. The intrusiveness of their happiness would create an incongruity within my bitter sadness that made it hurt more. It was like "Go take your happy-ass self and slide down a rainbow or something." Now I try not to be like that.

Sorry, but this really cracked me up! Slide down a rainbow, I'm using that one.

Marcus555 wrote:

Me v2 wrote:With the change that I have experienced this year, I have had more or less a 180 degree change in my outlook and I see in myself a change in being willing to try things, a readiness to do stuff that I would have declined before and also, appreciating and enjoying simple things like a walk, the indescribably beautiful sound of rain at night with the window open, watching hummingbirds coming to my feeder and me making videos of their visits. People sending me funny YT videos are now no longer filed "for the future", but are watched straightaway and then shared with others. Noticing a spring in my step, or even a little song or dance while I'm going about my day, doing ordinary every day activities.

Out of curiosity I ask, what was the change? You don't have to be specific, but was it a change in your outlook/some kind of epiphany or a change/improvement in the outer aspects of your life? I find that external circumstances tend to have the power to regulate my mood and that bothers me. It's like I'm an emotional puppet. All too often, if something bad happens, rather than rolling my eyes and dealing with it, I'll just get depressed. It's a frightening vulnerability. I am guessing that it works that way for many people.

The change that I experienced this year was the ending of my suffering. Yes, it is 100% true. I cannot unfortunately pinpoint exactly what it was that ended my suffering, but I believe it was a combination of elements.

1. Joining this forum and spending time reading and thinking about all that other people said. Also the anti-psyche forum should be visited and followed by everyone who believes they have any from of mental suffering.

2. Discovering Noah Elkrief's videos on YT (someone sent me a link to one of his videos after I posted adverts online seeking help for my suffering) and which were a big contributor to my knowledge and understanding of my suffering. This man is a absolute star.

3. Discovering that mental illness doesn't really exist (the mental pain and suffering does) and that the purpose of the mental health industry is not to cure you of your "illness" but to numb your mind so you stop feeling the suffering that you have. In the worst version of this "treatment", people are effectively chemically lobotomized. There is no "chemical imbalance" in anyone's mind - this is a falsehood made up to sell powerful damaging drugs and which are responsible for the chemical imbalance they purport to cure. There is not a single shred of physical evidence to prove that mental illness exists, or to demonstrate a chemical imbalance in the mind. And there is no test that has ever being created to show this. Look up on YT "There is no such thing as mental illness".

4. Following on from 3, coming to realize that the mental health world is largely/entirely based on opinions and not facts and that since the human mind has yet to be mapped and understood, at best, the mental health's world understanding and advice to those who suffer is a best guess / "we think this is what is going on and so we suggest the following course of action" situation. However, they profess to "know" why you are suffering when they don't know. They need to stop doing that and come clean about the truth and then they would have more respect from the public.

5. Following on from 4. I thought about so much in life and came to the conclusion that, like the mental health world, most of the rest of the human world is based on opinions (often reinforced by compliance) and not facts. Thus, each of us can choose what to have in our mind and our life and what to leave out. This is not just about big choices but millions of little ones and all the choices that each person makes many times each day without being aware that they are doing so. Becoming aware of these many unconscious or sub-conscious choices is key.
The power to choose is not limited to the physical / material choices we can make. It also includes being able to choose what thoughts you have (including beliefs, attitudes, opinions, ideas, fears and all kinds of things that you think are true and real but are not) and to to remove those that you don't want.

6. Participation on a clinical trial for low level brain stimulation (tDCS). I am advised by the trial team that my complete turn around in my mood/outlook is unlikely to have been caused solely by the brain stimulation treatment. If anyone knows the mood test that is used, I scored a 0 for depression at my final follow up visit. At my initial assessment, I scored 26.

7. Realizing that true happiness cannot be found from anything external to the person. True happiness is simply being with the absence of suffering. True peace in other words. All the many things that are commonly believed to be able to provide happiness are nice, interesting and fun but they cannot ever bring or provide anyone with happiness.
This means that once you have discovered who your true natural self is and also accepting that person regardless of what characteristics/style/choices that it constituents, you will find that all manner of suffering simply vanishes. In addition, you will find that you are no longer compelled to act, behave or pursue things as you were before and which you believed would bring your happiness.

8. Following on from 7. Realizing that opinions are in themselves worthless and are not worthy of anyone's attention, especially those opinions from other people that are directed at you. Its not that I don't care about people anymore, its just that their opinions are fleeting transitory moments that people express and which can change at any time. Who knows why people express the opinions that they do? People probably don't know how they came to hold the opinions that they do either and yet we choose to give them the power over us. Opinions do not have any power by themselves nor are they real or true. They are only what they are - opinions. Its only our belief in them or the value we place on them that makes them powerful.

9. Stop living someone else's life. Each of us is the culmination/result of the uncountable number and complex nature of past opinions and that our minds are flooded with, from a very early age. This is not intentionally done but parents, siblings, extended family, other people, society, media, etc., all contribute to this flood and it has happened to each person who has ever lived. This is simply the result of being human. Do you know how you came to form the thoughts/attitudes/views you have about people, life, how you want to be, live, etc? It is quite possible that most people are not living their own true life because of the influence of all the historic opinions that existed before you were born and which all end up in your mind via the above mechanisms. I questioned so much of what is in my head (and I still am doing so) and I have been discarding that which I do not wish to have in my life.

In summary and in simple terms, changing my thoughts changed my life. I cannot tell you how lovely it is to be alive now. The best description I can give you as to my state of mind is "my mind is perpetually sun bathing". Yes, I have wondered if I am deluding myself and this is certainly a valid thought to have, given the duration and intensity of my suffering and the repeated failures of the mental health "experts" to end any part of my suffering. But I don't spend any time on it and I am not "waiting for the harsh truth to hit me". I am simply loving life.

Me v2 wrote:I have come to the view that the way mental suffering has been viewed, assessed and treated is wholly defective and does far more damage than it pretends to heal. And that people need to be handled differently not only so that they can end their suffering, but so that they can heal much faster if they aren't being seen and treated as if they were an illness.

Marcus555 wrote:I don't think we understand mental health as much as we purport, because we don't completely understand the human mind. Add to that the individuality and complexity of the mind, and the fact that different mental illnesses manifest themselves a little differently from individual to individual, it's pretty clear to me that in most respects, the mental health industry is flying blind. Look how much the DSM is altered each time it's published.

This is why no-one should look to other people to help them to end their suffering as they might wait forever, never mind possibly having additional suffering added to their minds in the process. And while they wait for this "help" to do its work, they are suffering every minute of every day...

I realized that I should have included the text shown below in bold to this point.

Me v2 wrote:
9. Stop living someone else's life. Each of us is the culmination/result of the uncountable number and complex nature of past opinions and that our minds are flooded with, from a very early age. And when we are very young, we accept all these opinions because we have no basis to do otherwise. This flooding is not intentionally done but parents, siblings, extended family, other people, society, media, etc., all contribute to this phenomenon and it has happened to each person who has ever lived. This is simply the result of the way humans are. But do you know how you came to form the thoughts/attitudes/views you have about people, life, how you want to be, live, etc? It is quite possible that most people are not living their own true life because of the influence of all the historic opinions that existed before you were born and which all end up in your mind via the above mechanisms. I questioned so much of what is in my head (and I still am doing so) and I have been discarding that which I do not wish to have in my life.

Today I set up boundaries with my mom. I told her that she could no longer guilt trip me by asking if I would care if she was dead or if I hate her. I felt like I was being really rude at first, but a friend verified that my wording was completely reasonable.

I failed to set up boundaries with my sister and ended up with her yelling at me in the mall with people staring. I hate it when people cause scenes,but she seems to enjoy them.

Whether or not my mom respects the new boundary, I am proud that I am holding my ground and not caving in.

Me v2 wrote:The change that I experienced this year was the ending of my suffering. Yes, it is 100% true. I cannot unfortunately pinpoint exactly what it was that ended my suffering, but I believe it was a combination of elements.

I read your post a couple of times, and while I'm glad you've come to the terms with the issues you felt were deceiving you, I must admit I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the "mental illness doesn't exist" theory. I mean that literally; I'm not disputing it, it's just too huge a concept for me to consider trying to accept at this time.

For some reason I keep coming away with "If I'm not mentally ill, then I must simply be a deeply flawed individual". I know that's not the point you were making, but I find the subject just too daunting to delve into right now. I only have the strength to tackle one issue at a time, and with the weather changing, my mood is starting to plummet, so it's easier for me to just ride it out and take things as they come, rather than upend the perceptions I have about my problems and hope for the best.

Additionally, I depend on SSI and other gov't assistance programs, which are all to eager to find a way to cut you off without a fight. Or a diagnosis. So it's easier for me to play the game and "be" mentally ill. Did I say "depend" above? I mean "desperately need". Yes, it's humiliating and at times nerve-wracking, but so is OCD and depression.

One point I do agree on in regards to my own life is medication. I am currently reducing my prozac dosage. Whether or not it's still doing anything for me I cannot say. What I do know is that it's robbing me of my sexuality, and I'm not ready to give that up just yet. I keep reading how the chemical castration caused by psych, drugs can become permanent after prolonged use. But the final straw is that I've been noticing anhedonia becoming more pronounced, and I refuse to let that continue. In my opinion, anhedonia is a million times worse than depression. I refuse to lose the passion I have for the things I enjoy. In many ways, that's all I have.

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Unsocial Butterfly wrote:Today I set up boundaries with my mom. I told her that she could no longer guilt trip me by asking if I would care if she was dead or if I hate her. I felt like I was being really rude at first, but a friend verified that my wording was completely reasonable.

I failed to set up boundaries with my sister and ended up with her yelling at me in the mall with people staring. I hate it when people cause scenes,but she seems to enjoy them.

Whether or not my mom respects the new boundary, I am proud that I am holding my ground and not caving in.

Good for you! I'm glad to see that you are standing your ground. I have a special hard place in my heart for toxic family members, and I'm hoping you maintain the strength to stay the course. It seems like you are doing pretty good so far. Be strong.

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OK. Something positive. I seem to have rescinded my vow to add something positive to this thread as often as possible. Not good. Despite the fact that I am tempted to just run off a list of complaints, I will list as many positives as possible to make up for time lost.

1. It's still pretty much warm out! Autumn is nearly half over, but I'm sitting here in my apartment with all the windows open! Once the cold weather hits I might as well make the SAD forum my homepage, so I'm thankful for every moment of warmth and sunshine that I can get.

2. My cats are all doing well. They'll be between 11 and 13 yrs. old next spring, two of them have medical conditions, but so far all is well. They're happy, alert, playful and as affectionate as always.

3. My OCDemon just told me to delete #2 because I am jinxing their luck, and I scoffed at that. How can expressing thankfulness lead to something bad? With OCD, even the tiniest victory is significant. Score!

4. I have a very light workweek coming up, which will make it difficult to pay my bills this month, but I'm not looking at it that way. I'm going to use the extra time I have to get some writing done, maybe start a painting, or mix some music. I will not clean obsessively, I will not pout pointlessly. I will do everything I can to remain positive and productive while I still can.

Marcus555 wrote:

Me v2 wrote:The change that I experienced this year was the ending of my suffering. Yes, it is 100% true. I cannot unfortunately pinpoint exactly what it was that ended my suffering, but I believe it was a combination of elements.

I read your post a couple of times, and while I'm glad you've come to the terms with the issues you felt were deceiving you, I must admit I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the "mental illness doesn't exist" theory. I mean that literally; I'm not disputing it, it's just too huge a concept for me to consider trying to accept at this time.

I agree Marcus555. While I applaud anybody who has been able to overcome issues, I find it rather triggering to read that mental illness simply doesn't exist. Sorry, but that reads to me the same as "just get over it" or "just pull yourself up by your bootstraps". I don't see mental illness as any different than physical illness. Imagine telling somebody who is paralyzed from the waist down to "just get over it" or "stop sitting in that wheelchair and get up and walk".

Of course, having said that, I always like to hear ideas on how to overcome hurdles, so posts such as these are welcome by me, although the discounting nature of them does grate on me. And you never know... some people might be helped by it. OTOH, people have fought for years for acceptance of mental illness as being a true illness, and they've also fought for disability rights, etc. Discounting mental illness as hogwash doesn't do them any favors IMO.

Marcus555 wrote:I read your post a couple of times, and while I'm glad you've come to the terms with the issues you felt were deceiving you, I must admit I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the "mental illness doesn't exist" theory. I mean that literally; I'm not disputing it, it's just too huge a concept for me to consider trying to accept at this time.

This might help you about mental illness not existing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOScYBwMyAA

Its only a huge concept to consider if you believe it is. Your belief that it is huge is the only power that makes it so and keeps it so, in your mind.
Just so I am clear. Mental suffering, of all kinds, do exist and this suffering is very real and very painful. I know this all too well. What is not real is any physical evidence that an illness exists that is causing this suffering.

Marcus555 wrote:For some reason I keep coming away with "If I'm not mentally ill, then I must simply be a deeply flawed individual". I know that's not the point you were making, but I find the subject just too daunting to delve into right now. I only have the strength to tackle one issue at a time, and with the weather changing, my mood is starting to plummet, so it's easier for me to just ride it out and take things as they come, rather than upend the perceptions I have about my problems and hope for the best.

Again, these things that you say are only true if you believe them to be, not that they actually are true. Many things that we believe are simply not so nor are they real. There is no real thing as good, bad, sad, happy, better, worse, failure, success, attractive, ugly, cool, uncool, funny, not funny, boring, interesting...These are all simply ideas/concepts/opinions that exist in our heads...and nowhere else.

Metaphorically, think about whatever belief you have about something like clothes you can add to a plain object, like a mannequin. If you change the clothes, you change the appearance. You look at that object with the layer of clothes that you added. Another way to think of it is as a veil over your eyes, but instead it is a veil over your psyche and so when you believe something, its like you see it only through the veil that you have added. Thus, if you change your belief (remove/change the veil) about "X", you change the way you look at "X". "X" actually remains unchanged. Only your perception/belief about it changes.

The other thing to realize is that you cannot have good without bad, happy without sad, better without worse, superior without inferior, etc. So when you realize that neither things/states/beliefs/opinions are actually true and real, then you can lose the necessity to keep any of the narrative/story going in your mind about what you believe....and then you are free.

If you want to debate the existence of mental illnesses, please take it to the Anti Psych forum. It's here. anti-psych/ You would be in the company of others who hold similar views.

The AvPD forum is primarily for those diagnosed with the disorder and those who want to learn more about it. This is not the appropriate place to debate it's existence and it is disrespectful to do so. Much less in a thread about trying to find something positive in your life.

If we can get back on topic it would be really good. I really don't want to lock a thread about finding positive things in your life.

Thanks
Lily

I had a really good session with my psychologist yesterday! She said that I seem alot happier. I also think I am starting to understand remt better. I was pushing it too much before, but yesterday I relaxed more, and cleared my mind and I felt a lot more emotions than I have in the past.

I have noticed that I get a lot more from therapy when I add in books at home, so I asked for a book about recovering your inner child. My psychologist lent me a book by John Bradshaw, and I started reading it last night. In the first chapter there was a section on parents who are untrustworthy, and how it causes children to look for external threats. This really resonated with me because I strongly feel that my dad is borderline, and I thinking that I have been closing myself off to protect myself from anything that I felt could be risky.

skyflyz wrote:I agree Marcus555. While I applaud anybody who has been able to overcome issues, I find it rather triggering to read that mental illness simply doesn't exist. Sorry, but that reads to me the same as "just get over it" or "just pull yourself up by your bootstraps".

That's not what I am saying. I also wish to be clear, again, that mental suffering is real. Its just that there is no physical causation for it. This isn't my opinion. Why not look for yourself and try to find any evidence, at all, that mental suffering has a physical cause or a physical illness?

skyflyz wrote:I don't see mental illness as any different than physical illness.

Based on? I accept that this is your opinion, but its only that. The suffering may be comparable but the causation isn't. There is no real or factual basis for that assertion. Its just a thought/belief/opinion and may be why you continue to suffer.

skyflyz wrote:Imagine telling somebody who is paralyzed from the waist down to "just get over it" or "stop sitting in that wheelchair and get up and walk".

Your mixing unrelated things and twisting/mocking my input. I have never said or inferred such a thing.

I am no different to many on this forum and I recognize many cries for help and all manner of pain. I did mentally suffer intensely for decades and to discount my message because it doesn't correlate with the ideas you believe are true, isn't very helpful to anyone and dismisses my life long pain & misery.

What if I am right? What if the world isn't flat?

I also understand that you and others might not want to think that being freed of your suffering can exist and exist for you, perhaps because you/others have tried so many ways to be freed from your suffering without success and the longevity of your suffering continues unabated. Please don't think that I don't understand that, because I do.