Small Step Forward

My therapist has been bugging me to sign up for a hobby class since August. I finally found a one day class that I want to take. I'm not sure if my therapist thought it would be easier to get me to sign up for something, but this is the first time in my adult life where I will be going to a group activity alone. I think my therapist was expecting too much from me..she wanted me in a weekly class with several months of commitment.

Has anyone else committed to, or thinking about, trying a new activity?

Hey that is great! Congratulations! I know it isn't easy. Best hopes that this works out, and leads to only good things.

I'm thinking of doing the same sort of thing. I've identified a couple of groups and one volunteer opportunity. I even scoped out the people going into one meeting to see what was up.

Let us know how it goes.

Volunteering is a really good idea! I looked into it a bit before. I am not expecting to meet new people in this class...I am more looking to show myself that I can go to events alone and be comfortable. I have been with my husband since before I was 20, and he has always been a security blanket in social events.

My goal is to go to a couple classes all alone, and after that is no longer a big deal I will commit to a longer term class. I am aiming to join a long term class after Christmas.

A few years ago I signed up for a smoking cessation program. Rather than choosing one of those huge seminars which I imagined would be held in an auditorium or something, I opted for a small group, twenty people are so, the kind of thing where you sit around in a circle on folding chairs. I knew a bigger group would be easier on my anxiety but I also believed it would be less effective. Not only was I serious about quitting, but it cost a couple hindered dollars. I didn't want to waste that money.

I got to the first meeting early, which is unheard of for me. I'm always late. Not only that, but I was the first one there (which actually helped, anxiety-wise) and even chatted up the guy who was running the thing. As the first meeting came to a close, we were instructed to go home and call at least five people in from the group. This, I suppose was to help garner support, which is a very important thing when you're trying to quit tobacco.

Guess what? I went home and did it. As I dialed the first number, I remember thinking; "I can't believe I'm doing this. This is so not like me." And as fate would have it, the first person I called was kind of an a-hole. I told her who I was and why I was calling and she coldly said, "Oh yeah. That." You would think this would deter me, but it didn't. Rather than be put off, my first thought was "Well this chick will never succeed with that attitude." Then I went ahead and made four more calls. Me. I used the telephone. To call strangers.

I was so passionate about succeeding, that drive overpowered any AvPD anxiety I might have had. As the meetings went on, I participated in discussions, even cracked a few jokes. And yes, I quit. For three months. Then I went back to smoking. It's tough.

The point I'm trying to make is if this is an activity/hobby you are really interested in, you might find that your interest overshadows any social anxiety you may feel. I wouldn't advise signing up for any class you think you might be able to tolerate just because your therapist suggested it, because that class will probably feel like therapy, but without the therapist. Find something you're passionate about, be it crafts,volunteering, political, whatever. You might be surprised.

Marcus555 wrote:A few years ago I signed up for a smoking cessation program. Rather than choosing one of those huge seminars which I imagined would be held in an auditorium or something, I opted for a small group, twenty people are so, the kind of thing where you sit around in a circle on folding chairs. I knew a bigger group would be easier on my anxiety but I also believed it would be less effective. Not only was I serious about quitting, but it cost a couple hindered dollars. I didn't want to waste that money.

I got to the first meeting early, which is unheard of for me. I'm always late. Not only that, but I was the first one there (which actually helped, anxiety-wise) and even chatted up the guy who was running the thing. As the first meeting came to a close, we were instructed to go home and call at least five people in from the group. This, I suppose was to help garner support, which is a very important thing when you're trying to quit tobacco.

Guess what? I went home and did it. As I dialed the first number, I remember thinking; "I can't believe I'm doing this. This is so not like me." And as fate would have it, the first person I called was kind of an a-hole. I told her who I was and why I was calling and she coldly said, "Oh yeah. That." You would think this would deter me, but it didn't. Rather than be put off, my first thought was "Well this chick will never succeed with that attitude." Then I went ahead and made four more calls. Me. I used the telephone. To call strangers.

I was so passionate about succeeding, that drive overpowered any AvPD anxiety I might have had. As the meetings went on, I participated in discussions, even cracked a few jokes. And yes, I quit. For three months. Then I went back to smoking. It's tough.

The point I'm trying to make is if this is an activity/hobby you are really interested in, you might find that your interest overshadows any social anxiety you may feel. I wouldn't advise signing up for any class you think you might be able to tolerate just because your therapist suggested it, because that class will probably feel like therapy, but without the therapist. Find something you're passionate about, be it crafts,volunteering, political, whatever. You might be surprised.

This a hobby class, and it is something that I have wanted to learn for a while. I want to develop more skills so that I feel more confident when talking to people. I currently feel that other people have more interests and more going on than I do. I currently feel like I did as a kid when I was about to start at a new school, but it can't really be as scary as I am imagining it.

I think it really helps you break out of your shell when people tell you to make a move. It must have helped you to talk to people when the group leader instructed you to talk to each other. Personally, I still want to recoil and not engage in stuff, but I trust that my therapist would not tell me to engage if I really was a bad person.

Last year, volunteering in something I have an interest in was suggested to me by a therapist. One of my interests is horses and I found a horse farm which provided therapy to children. It was only a few minutes from my home and I ended up working there for about 5.5 months, 2-3 days week. The people there didn't need to know my underlying story for being there as it wasn't relevant to share that with anyone and so at the time, I didn't have to worry about people asking me why I was doing this. Also, I wasn't the only person volunteering so I didn't stand out as the only volunteer, etc.

After a short time, as people got to know me, yes, conversations started up and bit and pieces of my suffering came out a few times. But as I gradually discovered, almost everyone there also had some kind of suffering in their lives, past or present. So the horses weren't just helping the children, but the adults too. Funny that.

For me, this experience didn't actually do anything for my suffering and going to the farm eventually became a chore, like so much of life already was at that time.

Things are quite different for me now but perhaps volunteering in something you enjoy might be beneficial to you.

Marcus555 wrote:A few years ago I signed up for a smoking cessation program. Rather than choosing one of those huge seminars which I imagined would be held in an auditorium or something, I opted for a small group, twenty people are so, the kind of thing where you sit around in a circle on folding chairs. I knew a bigger group would be easier on my anxiety but I also believed it would be less effective. Not only was I serious about quitting, but it cost a couple hindered dollars. I didn't want to waste that money.

I got to the first meeting early, which is unheard of for me. I'm always late. Not only that, but I was the first one there (which actually helped, anxiety-wise) and even chatted up the guy who was running the thing. As the first meeting came to a close, we were instructed to go home and call at least five people in from the group. This, I suppose was to help garner support, which is a very important thing when you're trying to quit tobacco.

Guess what? I went home and did it. As I dialed the first number, I remember thinking; "I can't believe I'm doing this. This is so not like me." And as fate would have it, the first person I called was kind of an a-hole. I told her who I was and why I was calling and she coldly said, "Oh yeah. That." You would think this would deter me, but it didn't. Rather than be put off, my first thought was "Well this chick will never succeed with that attitude." Then I went ahead and made four more calls. Me. I used the telephone. To call strangers.

I was so passionate about succeeding, that drive overpowered any AvPD anxiety I might have had. As the meetings went on, I participated in discussions, even cracked a few jokes. And yes, I quit. For three months. Then I went back to smoking. It's tough.

The point I'm trying to make is if this is an activity/hobby you are really interested in, you might find that your interest overshadows any social anxiety you may feel. I wouldn't advise signing up for any class you think you might be able to tolerate just because your therapist suggested it, because that class will probably feel like therapy, but without the therapist. Find something you're passionate about, be it crafts,volunteering, political, whatever. You might be surprised.

I think this is a heartening real life experience that you've shared. Your story is a great example of what can be achieved, when a person doesn't or can't focus and fester over their suffering and how they have behaved and thought about things in the past.

I think it may well be the case that it only takes a very soft or subtle pushing of oneself to take you from 'This is what I usually do/think/worry about" to "Hey, look at what I'm doing...and I feel OK doing it". And its not too far from that to thinking "Well, if I can do that, then maybe I can do this?"

Marcus555 wrote:A few years ago I signed up for a smoking cessation program. Rather than choosing one of those huge seminars which I imagined would be held in an auditorium or something, I opted for a small group, twenty people are so, the kind of thing where you sit around in a circle on folding chairs. I knew a bigger group would be easier on my anxiety but I also believed it would be less effective. Not only was I serious about quitting, but it cost a couple hindered dollars. I didn't want to waste that money.

That's a wonderfully inspiring story, and you made smart choices all throughout. You know, I've often thought that it "only" takes forgetting about yourself and being totally interested in the world around you and other people to get over the hump. I know, that is a big "only" and sounds like "just get over it" which isn't what I mean to say, as I know it's very very tough.

Anyhow, thank you for that and congratulations on such a great success. I think you may have helped by example today.

Unsocial Butterfly wrote:My therapist has been bugging me to sign up for a hobby class since August. I finally found a one day class that I want to take. I'm not sure if my therapist thought it would be easier to get me to sign up for something, but this is the first time in my adult life where I will be going to a group activity alone. I think my therapist was expecting too much from me..she wanted me in a weekly class with several months of commitment.

Has anyone else committed to, or thinking about, trying a new activity?

Good for you, hope you have fun with it! First time going to a group activity alone - how exciting! I'd call that more than a small step. Hope you come back and let us know how it goes.

Something that helps my confidence and is kind of a hobby is travel. My first trip was near home, next was across country, then subsequent trips to foreign countries. Always alone. Very fun, eye-opening, and surprisingly easy. I learned that I love art and history. I can't think of anything I like to do more than to spend 6-8 hours in a world-class museum by myself. Just walking around a foreign city, people-watching, is fun. You can take tours, etc. My travels are slowing down and are closer to home now due to budget concerns, but on my last trip (Portugal) I took a horseback tour, met some nice people and enjoyed it immensely!

After I retired (about 3 years ago?) I got involved in volunteer work for the first time in my life. I ended up with 2 "gigs" and spent around 20-24 hrs a week between the two. Very rewarding, mostly fun. I think any interest that takes you out of yourself is beneficial, know what I mean? Think about problems other than my own, less ruminating, more mental activity, plus maybe some exercise.

After about 2 years of that though, I got tired of what I was doing. Also had some home projects that cropped up and got low on time, enough that I was stressed a bit - emotionally stressed as well. I still have my foot in the door, but with only one "client" that I help for a couple hours twice a month. I practiced setting limits and saying "no."

But now I'm really isolated and lonely and am near the point of looking into getting involved with something different. Don't know what yet, but every volunteer organization I've seen so far is crying for help, they never have enough.

Maybe I'll look into taking a class too- thanks for the inspiration.

I know this is a bigger step than i previously acknowledged it to be. The biggest thing is that my husband is not coming with me which means I have no one to hide behind. Aside from avoidant traits my psychologist also believes I have some dependent traits because I rely on my husband's presence to help regulate my anxiety around other people. My husband was surprised that I signed up for the course.

I am really looking forward to the class, and to learning a new skill. I'm hoping that after taking a couple classes I will feel like I have more interesting things to talk to people about.