introducing myself

I have never really fit in with any group and I have never had any long lasting freindships, but at times I have really tried. I went to 5 different schools between 3rd grade and 8th grade so I either never really learned how to make friends or I gave up. The only time I feel comfortable is when I am alone. I had one friend in high school and he was killed in a car accident and after that I was too afraid to get to know other people. I am not able to keep a job because I never seem to get along with my coworkers, I have been told by supervisors that I am a good worker but that I need to socialize with coworkers and I am never interested in doing that. I always feel people talk at me instead of talking to me and because I have trouble trusting them they give up on me before I am comfortable around them. I used to really enjoy lifting weights and even was competing in strongman contests. It is something I was enjoying and I was meeting and getting to know people with simular interests, I was starting to feel better about my self. I have been accused of using steriods since I was in high school, something I never would even think about doing but because I worked hard and got stronger other people had to slander me. I ended up quiteing lifting because I got tierd of strangers walking right up to me and saying they knew I used steriods. That was over a year and a half a go and even though I know I want to lift I am scared to.
Recently I met a girl that I really liked and she told me she liked me, she even told other people that we were going out, and she became very attached to me within a couple of weeks of meeting her and even though I really liked her and cared for her I pushed her away because I was scared to get close to her. I would not let her touch me even though it felt good to be close to her.

I know I need to improve my confidance and I need to quite worrying about what others think but those things are not easy for me to do. I know I need help does any one have any suggestions.

"I know I need to improve my confidance and I need to quite worrying about what others think but those things are not easy for me to do. I know I need help does any one have any suggestions."

Hi rwhaan,

First of all, I'm so sorry you lost your friend in such a horrible way. There's probably not much else I could say to make you feel any better about that. I know I wouldn't.

And I can relate to a lot of the social issues you mentioned. I've never really felt that I belonged anywhere. And I still struggle with trying to communicate with people and develop ties with them.

I've been really helped by going to therapy though. It's helped me to start feeling better about myself. That might be something you would want to look into if you haven't already. It's hard at first finding someone to feel comfortable with, but it's well worth it when you do.

Hope you feel better,
H~

I'm sorry that you've had so much trouble interacting with other people, and I can relate for sure, but I've always felt that it wasn't fair. I know at work that I'm looked down upon by some people, even though I'm one of the best and most dedicated workers, because I'm standoffish and don't talk to everyone. I've always though it horribly unfair to judge people by how many friends you have, which it sounds like that's what your supervisor was doing. It seems like such a high school mentality, and I don't understand it at all. Shouldn't the most important thing be how well you do your job? As for other people accussing you of taking steriods, obviously their own insecurities were blossoming, and they were just using you as a scapegoat (I can imagine their thinking, "Well I could never be that muscular, so no one else should be able to.") One thing you might try doing is writing down everything negative that people have said to you and find alternative reasons for their thinking that (ways that don't have to do with you). For instance, if someone accussed you as being unsocialable, you could write down that comment and next to it put a reason they might have said it (they could have noticed that you didn't talk to them much and felt threatened by the thought of someone not liking them). I like to make lists like this a lot. Another favorite of mine is to write down negative traits or adjectives that could apply to me, and then change them into something positive. For instance, if people call you a "loner" or you describe yourself as "lonely," you can change that word to "independent" or something else that doesn't have such negative connotations. I guess this would only work if you're really a verbal person, but it's worth a shot. I agree with heartofglass that you should try therapy, too, if you haven't already. It might take a while to find a therapist that you like, but it could definitely help give you a new perspective on things.

Thank you heart of glass and Lyrinx for replying to my post, I do occasionally write my feelings and and try to figure out what I do that makes people do the things and say the things that have been said and done to me. I have plan on going to see a therapist as soon as I find a job that I could afford it. I have also started taking my lifting serious again because I need to do things that make me happy and not worry about people say to me or about me.

I have also started taking my lifting serious again because I need to do things that make me happy and not worry about people say to me or about me.

Thats really the way it works, doing what makes you happy is one of the key elements in, of course, being happy. But some of us tend to listen to others to give 'direction' to our lives, which is why we never feel entirely happy, or happy for a long time. But good for you rwhaan, that was a great choice, lift, lift, lift.. .. the more attention you give to what you really want, the better you will be.