Regression to child

Hi all,

There was another post that mentioned this, but I did not want to get off topic, so here a new post.

When put into a stressful situation, I often regress to feeling like a child. This happened again yesterday during my singing lesson.
We are preparing for a concert in June (I failed to refuse in time and somehow hope that it might help with AvPD) and were practising a song from Carmen. My teacher asked me to act like Carmen, an oversexed, manipulative, confident women, so that the gestures and the singing would reflect that better. I tried, but I just could not really feel myself as a women, not to mention sexy or confident. I felt more like a younger version of me (pre-teen) trapped in too big a body, like a suit; or like a gender neutral alien trying to operate a human body. Don't get me wrong, I felt myself, but that self was kind of shrunk and not really a women, but a child.
I know it has to do with low self-esteem, because I know I am different when I sing at home along, but it is a real problem. Can anyone relate to this and have a suggestion to overcome this? It is impossible to sing well when in that state.

Dragonfly

I can relate. Often I feel offended afterwards because they really do treat me like a child. I'm an adult! Whaaaaa! But I won't tell them that. Just go around being sour.

I've noticed this about myself recently too. Its of course because of my low self esteem. Probably because of some unrealistic (and superficial) expectation that I have of how I "should" be.

I don't know how to help this, I just try to work through it and ignore it(doesn't work) so that people won't notice.

I feel like that sometimes, not so much "regressing" to being a child as feeling childlike (of course it doesn't help that I'm really short and have a high-pitched voice). I can relate very much to not being able to "become" other charaters; I've taken singing lessons for quite a while (I literally thought of them as therapy, especially because my teacher was a fantastic lady), and I've always had trouble pretending to actually feel or act what I'm singing. Maybe if the "feeling" part is too hard you could manipulate the thought of being different inside than outside and think of your body as being a puppet; so as long as you do the gestures and have your body move like an adult, it doesn't matter what you're thinking inside. I don't know if that makes sense to you. The MOST helpful thing I've found in that situation is to try to have fun. Maybe for one rehearsal you could dress up with make-up and Carmen-esque clothes, just to put on the role, and also to have fun pretending to be someone else. Once my voice teacher showed me a poster full of different operatic characters and had me sing the warm-up pretending to be the voice of different ones. Maybe you could try something like that, too. I know it's tough to sing in front of people, you definitely have my respect and best wishes in your performance!

lyrinx wrote: The MOST helpful thing I've found in that situation is to try to have fun.

Yes, that might work, because I do like to joke around. Pretending in that way might be possible. I will try it, although I will skip the maykeup and costume part for now. Maybe if I think of the cartoon guy singing Figaro....

lyrinx wrote: I've taken singing lessons for quite a while (I literally thought of them as therapy, especially because my teacher was a fantastic lady)...

Very cool! I find it helpful to sing (apart form liking it) because it requires one to be completely in the present, completely there. So it makes me use my body and mind (I guess should also involve the heart). Most other things only use a couple of these...

Dragonfly.

I like this string. It has a lot of useful info in it. The regressions have always been a problem for me, always happens within new situations, and new situations happen throughout the day. I've been somewhat successful though, because everytime I catch myself withdrawing and regressing - when I am in the dealings with others, it has worked so far by reminding myself that I am avoidant, and I seem to be able to snap quickly back into the present.

Also the idea of singing:

I find it helpful to sing (apart form liking it) because it requires one to be completely in the present, completely there. So it makes me use my body and mind (I guess should also involve the heart). Most other things only use a couple of these...

This is really cool. I've never thought about this. I usually only live in the mind. I've been trying to force my body to come along, but it usually acts hesitant. But adding in the heart... I've got to talk to my daughter about this, because she has avoidant tendencies as well. I've always tried to get her to roar or bellow to get her to open up, but I think you've hit on something about this singing.
It is cool - thank-you.
troseter

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Is regressing to a child a avp-only symptom?

I can absolutely relate to this. Its interesting too that over the past few years I have come to realise that singing for me is an ideal way to get some of the self expression out that I tend to keep bottled up - even if its only singing to myself at home. I have noticed more recently that a lot of the enjoyment I get out of it is the physical sensation - also that the more I enjoy the physical sensation of singing the better it usually sounds. Actually 'feeling' your voice I'm, beginning to believe is akin to feeling your real self.

I have also got this regression thing and for me it is probably the worst aspect of it all. I am ultra sensitive to comments that could be interpreted as patronizing and often force a more mature persona to compensate. Ive also noticed that I tend to end up in relationships with people who tend to treat me like a child - which causes a lot of resentment and anger, and I tend to dream mostly of my childhood home. I can only guess that there is a big part of me still back there needing some kind of resolution.

There is NOWAY in the world that I could sing in public. I can't even sing to my self alone without feeling embarassed.