ARGH! In-laws and AvPD (Stories)

Hi, this is for anyone who is married or engaged.(or was married/engaged or in longterm relationship): Do you feel you've been treated badly by in-laws who just don't get AvPD? Are they complete extroverts and look at you/your family as if you're total weirdos? This isn't just a rant about in-laws. Just want to know if there are in-law problems that are unique to AvPD's.

I've been married 20 yrs to my wonderful hubby and have a 17 yr old son. His family has always been very cliquey, popularity-obsessed and love to be the center of attention. Outward appearances are of the utmost importance to them. My husband, however, is much more laid back than his siblings, kind of quiet and shy, but I wouldn't say he's particularily avoidant. They've always felt he was too different though and treated him differently. I was somewhat introverted and shy when I first married him but I could handle going out in public. I actually enjoyed it and had fun back then. I guess I had social anxiety back then, but nothing like it is now. From the beginning they made me feel like I wasn't "one of them" but I just put up with it and tried not to let it get me down. Then,slowly through the years i've felt us being snubbed and shunned more and more. Sometimes subtle, other times more "in-your-face". As a result I've become much more introverted and self- conscious, to the point where I hardly go out anymore. Hmm, maybe my in-laws caused my AvPD!

Probably could go into more detail in another post; right now I just want your opinions. Please share your stories and experiences. Thanks!

D'oh! Bad idea! Either this doesn't apply to most of y'all, or perhaps everyone else has PEACHY,PERFECT IN-LAWS!!! Sorry, my bad!

Hi. The thing that caught my attention was this:

I've been married 20 yrs to my wonderful hubby and have a 17 yr old son.

Have you been diagnosed with AvPD?

The reason I ask is because being married and then develop AvPD sounds odd to me. I was thinking that you maybe have a more severe case of social phobia. I have social phobia and I know how painful it can be. Since I suffer so much from it, I would like to believe it is something very severe, like a personality disorder, but I can't be sure without a diagnose. Many persons with social phobia tend to get clinical depression, which IMO is worse.

I'm sorry if I'm wrong.

You can have social phobia and AvPD at the same time.

partyof_1 wrote:D'oh! Bad idea! Either this doesn't apply to most of y'all, or perhaps everyone else has PEACHY,PERFECT IN-LAWS!!! Sorry, my bad!

No, not at all. I am getting along fine with my in-laws, but a couple of years ago, we stopped talking for quite a while before reconciling.

I did not respond before, because I am not sure, if one can develop AvPD later in life. However, I don't know enough to say anything intelligent to that regard, so I said nothing.

This happens a lot on this forum, I believe. After all AvPDs try not to expose themselves, say something wrong or stupid.

Dragonfly.

Thank you all so much for your replies! I don't really totally blame my in-laws for the way I am, I have to take responsibility too. It's just that I feel so distant and disconnected from them, and our personalities clash so bad sometimes. I just wish they'd respect me for who I am. Just because I'm shy and don't want to be the center of attention doesn't mean they have to ridicule me. That just makes me feel worse.

I first started seeing a psychiatrist for ADD. I was also diagnosed with depression and anxiety. She said I suffer from severely low self esteem and have a social phobia as well. Later on, she thought I might be developing AvPD as well.

Also, I should mention I only enjoyed going out because my hubby was with me. I've always been shy and introverted, even before getting married. I don't know if I've always been AvPD, however. But my avoidant behavior does seem to be getting worse.

Just thought I'd clear some things up.