Anyone here have a "normal" background?

Hi, could you explain what you mean about "sealing away the negativity"? Do you mean that you hide and suppress those feelings?

Even though I have to deal daily with my various disorders, I've been told that I am high-functioning because I am happily married, have kids, and am able to hold down a job. But, I never feel "normal" and have never felt normal my whole entire life. I just keep plugging away trying to make progress in my life and achieve whatever small successes that I can. I can't exactly say that I am miserable every day, but there's a part of me that is very sad that I have to spend so much emotional and mental energy trying to keep myself pulled together each and every day.

wilgate wrote: For a while I felt immensely guilty about feeling bad because I knew my problems weren't as bad as others. But sealing away the negativity just made me more anxious & avoidant. I suspect many high functioning AvPD have similar thoughts & never seek help and thus live life in a miserable but technically functioning way.

jamberrypie wrote:Hi, could you explain what you mean about "sealing away the negativity"? Do you mean that you hide and suppress those feelings?

Even though I have to deal daily with my various disorders, I've been told that I am high-functioning because I am happily married, have kids, and am able to hold down a job. But, I never feel "normal" and have never felt normal my whole entire life. I just keep plugging away trying to make progress in my life and achieve whatever small successes that I can. I can't exactly say that I am miserable every day, but there's a part of me that is very sad that I have to spend so much emotional and mental energy trying to keep myself pulled together each and every day.

Hello! By sealing away the negativity I mean that I would deny it, even to myself.

I am not very good at suppressing my feelings, so I'm sure they leaked out in my actions. Mostly, I tried to reason with myself that I wasn't truly feeling bad, that other people had it way worse than me. & I made myself miserable! (Ironic.)

Being "high functioning" means just as you described; minimal stress in relationships & occupational stability, the basics for societal life. Low functioning people find basic life difficult because their disorders are so severe. However, being high functioning does not mean that you are "normal". Disorders manifest in many different ways, and if you haven't tried getting help already, I would say that you should try looking into it, especially if you feel it's difficult to keep yourself together.

I am an advocate of getting help if possible. AvPD makes it hard to judge things objectively. If nothing else, getting a second opinion of your life will help you view your struggles on a more objective scale. (If not with a professional, then with someone unbiased.)

wilgate wrote:Being "high functioning" means just as you described; minimal stress in relationships & occupational stability, the basics for societal life.

I would disagree with the idea that there is "minimal stress." On the contrary, I think there is extreme stress when an avoidant person is forced to keep up with the Joneses. I think the difference is that highly functioning avoidants can tolerate a higher level of stress, not that it's less stressful for them.

inverse wrote:I would disagree with the idea that there is "minimal stress." On the contrary, I think there is extreme stress when an avoidant person is forced to keep up with the Joneses. I think the difference is that highly functioning avoidants can tolerate a higher level of stress, not that it's less stressful for them.

Yes, you may be correct. However, in most societies a stressful relationship is considered more functional than having no relationships at all. Barring abusive ones of course. In the context of AvPD, high stress would be associated with being unable to handle contact with people or being extremely isolated.

I don't really care for the difference between high and low functioning people. Both have problems that interfere with daily life. Comparing the two is pretty useless.

inverse wrote:I would disagree with the idea that there is "minimal stress." On the contrary, I think there is extreme stress when an avoidant person is forced to keep up with the Joneses. I think the difference is that highly functioning avoidants can tolerate a higher level of stress, not that it's less stressful for them.

I'm not sure that higher functioning avoidants can tolerate a higher level of stress, rather they present themselves as being able to tolerate it and holding it together. Underneath, it's all falling apart.

Auxiliary11 wrote:Pretty much. At home at least. But when you combine: a so called predisposition to the disorder + shyness/HSP + disdain, blaming, rejection and bullying (whether sly or obvious) throughout my whole life from my peers + and an insecure attachment as a child, I can see that being a cause for potentially having developed this.

My story is very similar to yours. I had a very loving, stable, and supportive family. But I went to an abusive Christian school that was basically shunning me. To this day, I have no idea why. Peer rejection was bad enough, but I had teachers mocking my schoolwork in front of the class, and singling me out for humiliation over the tiniest things. I had a shy and sensitive nature beforehand, and that just crushed me. I've had no confidence since.

So, yes, these things can be caused by factors other than one's immediate family.