What if you don't like the only friends you have...

Although I don't have the same level of social anxiety as some off you, I do relate to some of what is being said here. I have blown of a couple of friends in the recent past. It usually causes some regrets or guilt feelings because I feel like a traitor or disloyal when I stop hanging out/calling someone that I have known for some time and had good times with.

However, looking back I have/had good reasons. One friend turned from a sweet and loyal friend into a chauvinistic, women-disrespecting jerk and I could not take the ensuing conversations any more. One woman was so intense (giving much and expecting much emotionally) that I could not handle it anymore etc.

I guess, I had trouble with the fact that the friendship could not stay the same as in the beginning (which was usually good) or that the people/I changed. I believe that I need to accept that things change and be open for other friendships that fit me now.

Another thing that I find difficult is to acknowledge that friendships are dynamic, not static. It takes a lot of communication to keep them alive so they change together with me and my friend. I am at a stage right now with at least one good friend, where I feel the distance growing between us. In order to keep this one alive, I think, I have to make an effort to relax and go with the flow (harder than it sounds). This means finding new activities to do together (as our traditional ones have decreased), spending time going for coffee etc. I know, this one is worth it, so I'll go for it.

I know this post is getting long, but one more thing. One problem I have as well, when meeting a new person, is to show my true nature. I tend to say things or agree to things that are not true because they would please the other person. This sounds horrible, but it is quite simple. I talk to her on the bus, I like her. She says she is intereste in this and that, I listen attentively to find something in common. I hear the word "D & D" (Dungeons and Dragons). I used to play, so we talk about that. However, somehow they way I talked, she got the impression I was interested in playing again, which is not the case. It is because I did not want to say "no" to that suggestion for fear of her losing interest or feeling offended. Very stupid. And kind of desparate. So the next couple of bus rides I am walking the line of being interested, but not getting sucked into a game. Luckily this situation has resolved itself because she is quite sensitive. Anyways, I will try to be more honest. After all, there are many potential friends out there. I would be a shame to waste time with and the time of someone who is not a "good fit".

Dragonfly.