Everybody already thinking about an AvPD meeting

I have gone to conferences before through work too. I'm not very chatty when I get there though. They are usually way too overstimulating for me. I just try to absorb the info that I'm there to learn.

An AvPD meeting would probably be very awkward, but if it was local, I would still go out of curiosity. I have a super high level of curiosity.

HopelessRomantic wrote: What are you talking about? I have been to conferences a number of times, and embarassed myself and it caused me lots of distress, but I keep on going and doing things against my disorder. This is what we are supposed to do. Face your deepest fears! It is a necessity!

For work, yes.
For a mass interpersonal relationship event?
What, are you mad?

BTW, I read this quote today from a Greek philosopher:
Do not be friends with someone who has too many friends. It is not possible for large numbers to share sympathies, interests and tastes in the way that friendship requires. When some of his friends are delighted by things that trouble others, which group will he favor? If one of his friends wishes him to share his pain, and another wishes him to go feasting with him, to which of the two will he go?

Yeah, avoidant conference is a very bad idea...

lol i think it's funny that you guys ever even discussed it seriously. i thought it was a joke when i saw the title. but it's pretty cool that you guys did actually consider the thought

if it were any other group i wouldn't even give it any thought. but... a gathering of shy and socially awkward people, by definition? lol, that would be funny! in a good way. think about it. the very premise

maybe the only icebreaker needed would be people like me, who would welcome the opportunity to not feel intimated by a group, and who honestly don't give a damn how shy or awkward you may be as long as you're not threatening or socially competitive...

it still sounds unrealistic, but it's fun to think about

inverse wrote:Do not be friends with someone who has too many friends. It is not possible for large numbers to share sympathies, interests and tastes in the way that friendship requires. When some of his friends are delighted by things that trouble others, which group will he favor? If one of his friends wishes him to share his pain, and another wishes him to go feasting with him, to which of the two will he go?

nice quote

i can't remember how aware i was of my own intentions back when i first signed up for this site, but i know i was looking for people from other places that i could meet eventually, from the very beginning. but not in groups larger than three (counting myself)

When this thread first started, I wasn't thinking convention/conference. I was thinking more along the lines of people in the city that you live in getting together for a meet-up. Nothing serious. Just a casual get together.

But, for meet-ups that I attend, I find that it's too awkward with too few numbers of people and too overwhelming with too many people that are strangers. It's good with about 5 people for me. That way there is enough people that you can get a conversation going and let some people be silent for a bit until they are ready to jump into the conversation. With 3 (including me), that's just too small when you are meeting up with strangers who may not be clicking with each other.

I just got an American visa, so it's likely I'll be in NYC+Boston in July. I know nobody's going to meet with me there but I still had to say that!
I'm also supposed to be in Israel in May.

I think sometimes how I'd have to act in a group of avoidants. With "normies" I have general idea of what I am supposed to pretend to be, but here?.. I mean, if everyone is withdrawn, there will be no conversation. And if I appear too vivacious, someone might feel intimidated. But if I don't show interest in people, they might be hurt and take it personally. Just about anything we say would be interpreted by someone as criticism.

Average AVPD meetup group:

venividivicky wrote:I just got an American visa, so it's likely I'll be in NYC+Boston in July. I know nobody's going to meet with me there but I still had to say that!
I'm also supposed to be in Israel in May.

I think sometimes how I'd have to act in a group of avoidants. With "normies" I have general idea of what I am supposed to pretend to be, but here?.. I mean, if everyone is withdrawn, there will be no conversation. And if I appear too vivacious, someone might feel intimidated. But if I don't show interest in people, they might be hurt and take it personally. Just about anything we say would be interpreted by someone as criticism.

Lol! It's a lose/lose situation. That's for sure.
So you are going to go to the land of Liberty. Good trip, honey!
I will go somewhere this summer in a house trailer. You know, to take my doggies with me. Not sure where I will be going. I feel like to visit France.

clearskies84 wrote:Average AVPD meetup group:

Lol! Good point, but you should also consider that they may be in the bathroom.

I know what you mean. There is a huge difference in the types of social interactions that I see occurring in the meetup events that I go to. In the non-personality disorder groups, people automatically do the introductory chit-chat to see if they can find commonalities amongst themselves. Once we've moved past the preliminaries, there is just often general social chit chat is pleasant to be around. I've worked on my conversational skills enough, so that I can often participate myself.

In the personality disorder meetups, I generally don't ever see this introductory chit chat going on. It's almost as if the people don't know that they need to attempt to do this. There is often long extended periods of silence - which often makes me feel uncomfortable. Then, because I feel anxious, I start to talk a lot (in a babbling kind of way) to try to get conversations going.

venividivicky wrote: I think sometimes how I'd have to act in a group of avoidants. With "normies" I have general idea of what I am supposed to pretend to be, but here?.. I mean, if everyone is withdrawn, there will be no conversation. And if I appear too vivacious, someone might feel intimidated. But if I don't show interest in people, they might be hurt and take it personally. Just about anything we say would be interpreted by someone as criticism.

jamberrypie wrote:I know what you mean. There is a huge difference in the types of social interactions that I see occurring in the meetup events that I go to. In the non-personality disorder groups, people automatically do the introductory chit-chat to see if they can find commonalities amongst themselves. Once we've moved past the preliminaries, there is just often general social chit chat is pleasant to be around. I've worked on my conversational skills enough, so that I can often participate myself.

In the personality disorder meetups, I generally don't ever see this introductory chit chat going on. It's almost as if the people don't know that they need to attempt to do this. There is often long extended periods of silence - which often makes me feel uncomfortable. Then, because I feel anxious, I start to talk a lot (in a babbling kind of way) to try to get conversations going.

venividivicky wrote: I think sometimes how I'd have to act in a group of avoidants. With "normies" I have general idea of what I am supposed to pretend to be, but here?.. I mean, if everyone is withdrawn, there will be no conversation. And if I appear too vivacious, someone might feel intimidated. But if I don't show interest in people, they might be hurt and take it personally. Just about anything we say would be interpreted by someone as criticism.

Very well said.
In my case, as I have a lack in social skills, it's very rare I find an accomodation but there is always a caring and friendly who often talk to me and make things easier for me.
Conclussion: we need someone who can make things easier for us.