BF with AVpD

sleepless wrote:1. Does it get better over time with more trust earned or will he get worse the closer we get to each other ?

2. I feel like if i just accept and be patient when he does his withdrawl patterns that it is encouraging him where if i get mad he gets conditioned to equate withdrawing with negativity

3. Do i tell him there is a name for his problems and would him knowing this influence his desire to get treatment?

4. How do I get him to get treatment so that he can be properly diagnosed and treated?

5. What can I do to encourage him and help him rebuild his self esteem?

6. How do I deal with him in a crises eg: anything that affects his self esteem like being jobless or homeless or being treated poorly by parents?

I see a lot I agree with in prior reply posts. Here are my non-expert comments.
1. It gets better with the reassurance that you care and are interested in him. He may never stop monitoring your conduct and statements searching to determine if you are abandoning him, but the more comfortable you make him feel that you care about him, the more he can trust you and monitor less.
2. Getting mad isn't going to help. When he withdraws, you have learned enough to kind of understand why. It doesn't mean he doesn't like you or wants to make you mad. It's because he felt rejected or feared he was going to be rejected and withdrew to give himself some control over the situation. He probably feels bad, even though he thought withdrawing would let him avoid feeling bad. You can initiate contact (when you get over being mad) and say something that lets him know you aren't rejecting him and want to be with him.
3. I don't see any benefit to this suggestion. It's the acceptance of him and reassuring him that you are not rejecting him that he needs. If he comes to the conclusion he needs help or wants to discuss his problems with you, then you can share your knowledge or point him to something he can read, but I see only a negative reaction to telling him you believe he is mentally ill and here is what you have diagnosed for him.
4. See #3.
5. Try to view situations from what you think will be his perspective. Be sensitive to his feelings. If you knew I was sensitive to people mispronouncing my name, you would try to say it right. If you knew I had a child with Down's Syndrome, you wouldn't tell me a retard joke. You know your friend is quick to see rejection and to withdraw. Try to make him feel accepted, not rejected, and when you see him withdrawing, touch him and say something reassuring.
6. Treat him like a friend. See #5. If the roles were reversed, what would you like to hear said to you?

I see some different comments above, too, and a similar theme in another current series of posts:
http://psychforums.com/viewtopic.php?p=76356#76356