Question

I'm not sure if this is related to AvPD, but does anyone feel they easily get attached to people?

My struggle, (and I would guess it is also the common avpd struggle) is not being able to get attached to people at all. It's not out of lack of interest or desire, but generally I'm much too isolated to develop significant relationships.

Thanks for your response.

One of the reasons I avoid relationships with others is because I know I couldn't live up to the social commitments (hanging out, calling on the phone, etc.) Can anyone relate to this?

Woolgatherer wrote: I'm not sure if this is related to AvPD, but does anyone feel they easily get attached to people?

I am not sure if this is AvPD, it could be a dependent issue or some other issue, but yes, I do or did. Anyone who pays positive attention or treats you nicely is instantly liked or loved in a kind of grateful way. I used to be disgusted with myself for feeling that way.

I think, it stems from low self-esteem. You are craving affection, but do not have the tools (self-confidence, social skills) to get it anywhere. It's like giving water to someone in a desert. They might cry because they are so grateful and tell you, they love you.

Does this fit?

Woolgatherer wrote: One of the reasons I avoid relationships with others is because I know I couldn't live up to the social commitments (hanging out, calling on the phone, etc.) Can anyone relate to this?

You cannot handle the expectations? Or you do not want to do what it takes to maintain the relationship? Or both? It seems too much effort for the reward?

Dragonfly

You cannot handle the expectations? Or you do not want to do what it takes to maintain the relationship? Or both? It seems too much effort for the reward?

I can't handle the expectations. And yes, it's a lot of effort.

-Sigh-

Seems like I'm all alone on this one.

Woolgatherer wrote:I'm not sure if this is related to AvPD, but does anyone feel they easily get attached to people?

you are not alone.

i feel that way a LOT. but it is something usually that i FEEL yet don't have the courage to act on.

i mean, well for example: when i met this one aquaintance of mine i really liked her and wanted to be her friend, but every time i was around her i would be painfully shy and not be able to say anything or participate in a conversation with her because of my anxiety and emotional issues (like apd). later after i got to know her better i opened up a little bit. and all of a sudden all of these emotions came rushing at me like a flood. all i could feel was "i want to be her best friend. it can only be me and her. we have to be together. i have to be near her. i have to have her love me and approve of me" and all of that. i never was able to muster up the courage to actually try to be with her more often and it felt really painful when i would see her and then have to leave. like i would always feel like there was "unfinished business" between me and her. i wanted to open up about all of my problems and tell her everything and let her get to know the real me.

but i couldn't. we are still just aquaintances. and sometimes i still feel that way about her. but i think it is just my intense desire for a friend (because i don't have any) and validation from others (even though i should be able to be happy without other people giving me reasons for it). sometimes after an episode of intense isolation and avoidance, i can feel really clingy and needy. but often i start to feel so anxious and everything again so fast that i don't really get the chance to do anything about it.

i think i understand exactly what you mean. and i think that it is definately possible for apd to overlap with dpd. i know i show some of it's symptoms, but i have too many other problems to think about right now!

::hugs::

erin

Woolgatherer wrote:
I can't handle the expectations. And yes, it's a lot of effort.

-Sigh-

Seems like I'm all alone on this one.

Not at all alone. Just look through some of the applicable threads. Many here, including myself, have similar problems with expectations.

I only asked the questions above to make sure I understood correctly. Don't be shy to post about your own experiences. Chances are that someone here feels similarly.

Dragonfly.

Yes, I also get easily attached to people. That is, if a person gives me the slightest bit of attention without having done much to earn it, I instantly want to be their friend. But to do the things required to build or maintain a friendship is difficult for me, partly because of the anxiety of making the first move and maybe partly out of laziness.

In fact, I believe I'm currently having a similar experience to what Erin described. A while back I described in this thread that I thought I was having a crush on someone and the situation hasn't changed much since then. But there's still the very real possibility that I just became attached to this person because at the time he was responding to my messages more than others. I'm not sure which it is, maybe a little of both.

So you're not alone. I too have trouble reaching out and doing the things required to keep a friendship alive.

i feel that way a LOT. but it is something usually that i FEEL yet don't have the courage to act on.

Yes, me too!

I no longer allow myself to get close enough to anyone to become attached. It's not that I don't want to be close to people, it's out of fear and anxiety. In the past when I let a select few people get close to me I did feel like I got too easily attached to them, much to my own undoing. The attachment was unwarranted as they apparently didn't feel as close to me as I felt to them. Oh well, live and learn.