living in a shell

My shell...its safe but its hell.
I so want to go out and have fun...but I just cant.
Im 22 years old, never been to a bar, never a club...I live a lla lone and have only one friend who I only talk to by letters.

My bulimia is out of contorl which compunds my issues.
I feel so alone, and yet so surrounded and trapped.

I cant join the groups, fear speaking to anyone...the lloks, the feelings...its just to much. Even stepping out of the house.

I worry what people think about me...worry about my appernce..worry I wiull make a fool of myself

its just so hard living like this

Hi Lauren,

Boy do I know how you fee. I have ptsd with agoraphobia, they said, and borderline pd. So I can't go out and hate to be alone.

I call it my prison. Creeds song is perfect.

I used to be very functioning in society, first nursing then had a business, but since the incident, I stay here, in my safe zone. I feel safe but so sad and lonely, tho I am married.

If I go outside in the front, a car always drives by and I run and duck. It's awful. It seems the longer I live (if you call it that) like this the harder it is to recover. I just pray I do.

Thanks for posting.

Im not sure if its avodiant disorder...or everything else ###$ in my life right now. But I know, Im getting more and more afriad to step out of the house, even checking the mail is difficult. I dread knowing I will have to work, not speaking to anyone except one person, and I coumminicate with her by letters 90% of the time. Shes always trying to get me to get out, go out to the mivies or somthing but I fear the public places.

Its sucks so much.
I mean, I dont really want to do these things anyway, but I do get lonel at times, yet its what I crave too.

That leaves losta time for thinking which turns manic and irrataional.