A "new life"

As some of you may or may not know, I had a heroin problem for a while. I just passed being one year clean, and about a two months ago, everything started to change. I had this bizarre amount of confidence and motivation and happiness- all of the sudden. Like, weird amounts of confidence and motivation.

So I was like, "I'm gonna get a job and move away and make friends and have a boyfriend and everything will be so cool."

Got a job, cool. Super hot co-worker flirts with me, extra cool. Different co-worker invites me to a party, another plus, because I'm apparently starting to make friends.

And now this party is tomorrow night, and I told them I'd go, and ever since I made that promise, it's like everything has come crashing back down. I keep thinking, "Good God, what have I gotten myself into?!" I'm going to show up, not knowing anyone, not knowing what to say. I'll embarrass myself, and it won't be one of those times where I can remind myself that I'll never see those people again. No, I have to work with these people. Plus, I Facebook stalked Hot Co-worker ( ) and apparently he has a girlfriend, so that sucks, cause when a hot guy talks to me, I tend to unrealistically envision our lives together, then I get upset when things don't work out.

I keep saying, "Then just don't go to the dumb party." But then weirdly-motivated Poppy reappears and tells me to just suck it up, stop being a pussy, and get over it. Then shy Poppy reminds me again how awkward I will feel at this party.

So, yeah, I guess I'm just venting.

What you've achieved is amazing......well done.....just don't go beating yourself up over this party.

I've been in situations like this....where I've been invited to parties I really think I ought to go to but the AvPD makes that really difficult. I remember one party I was invited to by a work colleague. I didn't want to go but I also didn't want to be a no show either. I went armed with an excuse "double booked", circulated enough so that I could see all the work colleagues I needed to, went out for a #######1 and snuck off home. The party was big and dark and loud....I figured no one would actually miss me. And they didn't. Everyone assumed I was off talking to someone else etc.

I know it sounds a bit lame but I can cope with these things if I know I don't have to stay...your new co-workers will see you there so are not going to be offended. And if you find you actually enjoy the party even better. stay. enjoy it.

Just a thought.....

^Exactly. People who can't commit to meetings, parties, dates... always make up some fake $#%^ as an excuse to bail out early if things ever get uncomfortable. I always take it very personally when someone does that (the planning... if someone were to bail on me i would ######6 lose it), but in the context of a large gathering, i don't see it doing any harm to anyone.

I think my problem is kind of the opposite of that, actually. There will be alcohol there, and if I'm drunk, I'll be good to go. So I'm not really worried about the second half of the party/staying. It's the showing up part that scares me. Going to a party all alone (though I was encouraged to bring friends, but I don't have any), standing around like an idiot cause I don't know anyone, hoping to God someone comes and talks to me so I don't feel like a weirdo anymore. Ugh.

Well then, it's called pre-drinking.

I know I posted this forever ago, but I was just browsing my old posts, and thought I'd update, for the hell of it.

Never went to that party, but that same co-worker who invited me did not give up on getting me to hang out with him. I eventually gave in, and now we've been dating for over a year. We have our own apartment, and though I still have no friends, I've been slowly becoming accepted by his group, and they're kind of my friends. So I guess I kind of did get a new life. Or, I'm getting there, at least.

Hi P0ppy, it's really good to hear from you. Thankyou for updating us.

It's so good to hear that your relationship is going well. Congratulations on the achievements. It sounds like you've made some really big steps forward.

With the friends- I think "kind of" friends count. Give yourself time and be patient with yourself- you'll get there with that.

Hugs
Lily

Yes well done POppy!! Great to hear from you.

Thanks guys . Like I said, I'm still very much a work in progress, but I have improved some, and I'm better than I was before.