Do your friends/SOs have friends?

For those of us that have people we communicate to in what one could call friendship or deeper relationships. Do those people have friends?

When I have friends I find that I only converse with them on a one on one condition. I rarely talk to them at parties or functions, though that's not odd, considering. But beyond that...when I had more intimate friends, I found myself truly hating the fact that they would leave to talk to others, or that they would go out with others. It made me feel left behind or unwanted and it really made me feel insecure because I wasn't sure how close our friendship was anymore and it constantly felt like I was unneeded and moreso questioned how much I was wanted. And heaven forbid a girlfriend or someone of the same level of relationship had friends...it just left me betrayed and alone. I am a horrible boyfriend because I become very possessive to the point of someone being late for a date turning into evidence that the person hates me or doesn't want to be with me.

So do any of your friends/significant others, have friends?

My one close friend has other close friends. I don't like it when she interrupts our telephone conversations in order to take their phone calls. (I hate modern telephones...) But normally I'm not jealous. The fact that her emotional state doesn't depend on me as much as mine depends on her ist quite reassuring. When she feels bad there are about 4 people she can fall back on for emotional support, so I and her other friends share the responsibility. When you're somebody's only friend, the responsibility you feel for their well-being can be very draining.

Josephine wrote: When you're somebody's only friend, the responsibility you feel for their well-being can be very draining.

that's very true, i have learnt that the hard way...my only friend ended up hating me because it was too hard, i think there was too much pressure on him to not hurt me, and that's pretty much impossible not to do...i feel really bad about the whole thing, because i for some reason thought he would be kind of flattered that he was the only person i trusted, but really, i was just a burden to him and eventually he just didn't even want to be around me anymore...i was always incredibly hurt by him going off with other friends, and there were dozens and dozens of them, he was really popular, which only made me feel more neglected because there was always someone better he could be talking to......it was a very complicated and dysfunctional relationship to say the least...

I'm not sure what it's like for my best friend to have to care for me. Since I don't really ask for much emotional support, even when I feel bad, it shouldn't be too draining. But I'm sure that I drive her nuts with my inability to accomplish even perfectly normal things.

But somehow I usually attract friends who are pretty damaged themselves. And I used to the best and pretty much only friend of someone very damaged, which was terrible.

quint wrote: But beyond that...when I had more intimate friends, I found myself truly hating the fact that they would leave to talk to others, or that they would go out with others. It made me feel left behind or unwanted and it really made me feel insecure because I wasn't sure how close our friendship was anymore and it constantly felt like I was unneeded and moreso questioned how much I was wanted. And heaven forbid a girlfriend or someone of the same level of relationship had friends...it just left me betrayed and alone. I am a horrible boyfriend because I become very possessive to the point of someone being late for a date turning into evidence that the person hates me or doesn't want to be with me.

I can relate Quint. Right now I do not feel like this, but I learnt a very hard lesson, when I was much younger.
I had a very close girl-friend up to about grade 6 and was completely possessive and jealous about her. I had no other close friends and I did not want her to play with any other kids. When she did, I was horribly hurt, felt betrayed, my world fell apart. I even tried to fix our relationship when it started to change which of course did not work. Finally, I realized how sick this was and felt really guilty about it. Today I am replused at the thought of this behaviour and these feelings.
Since then I have always tried to give all friends lots of space because I am afraid to be like that again.

My husband, who is my closest friend, is very popular and has lots of other friends. He goes out with them with and without me. I have bouts of jealousy now and again. The trick is to distinguish when the feeling is "healthy" or "normal" and when it is me being screwed up.

I was in a relationship once where I was the person's pretty much only friend. I was the only one she turned to for pretty much everything. She was not a mentally healthy person to say the least, and our relationship wasn't healthy. At that point she was pretty much the only friend I had. Eventually we grew apart and kind of found other people to hang around, but it was still a disaster when we broke up. In another relationship at different points we were both pretty much the only friend to each other. This was also unhealthy and when we started hanging around other people we both got jealous and hurt. At any rate, at the moment I have no close friends and even if I had only one, I now realize how important it is to not be the sole emotional support. With the few acqauintances I talk to, I am very glad I'm not the only friend they have, because I'm not close enough to them to want to be an outlet for constant support.

When you're somebody's only friend, the responsibility you feel for their well-being can be very draining.

I'm not dependable enough to be anyone's only friend. There are plenty of times they can't count on me because I'm isolating. Those that understand it accommodate for it, and those that don't get hurt and move on without me.

Yes, my boyfriend has many friends and my friends have friends also. I am glad of this.

But I am insecure. I worry that they think I am a loser because I don't have many friends that I hang out with.

theres been so many times when i was younger that ive got jealous over close freinds having other freinds or doing other things without me..

i guesse im pretty much over it now, at least i dont visibly show it but i still get jealous. my last girlfreind has been hanging out with her freinds alot since we split up but when we were together she hardly did anything. im wondering if she was like because of me or is she just doing that now to spite me? i really never acted jealous over her doing other things i liked the space from her so the change now she isnt with me kind of makes me feel bad and pisses me off..

my new girlfreind on the other hand seems to have a million freinds, and loads that she is really close with. i get jealous feelings pretty bad firstly and secondly its a constant reminder of my non-social life.. its also a motivation though, yes i do feel bad about it but ive never felt like ive needed freinds like i do now, its not fair to rely on her for my emotional needs.. so im just thinking of the situation as a positive influence even though it is causing me alot of stress pretty much daily..

quint wrote: Do those people have friends?

When I have friends I find that I only converse with them on a one on one condition.

It made me feel left behind or unwanted and it really made me feel insecure because I wasn't sure how close our friendship was anymore and it constantly felt like I was unneeded and more so questioned how much I was wanted.

So do any of your friends/significant others, have friends?

When I was young, I usually had one close friend. That friend had other friends and to some extent I socialized with them because my friend included me. I don't recall ever feeling envious or resentful then, but I also don't recall ever feeling like I wasn't the "best friend" and being left out.

As an adult, I have never had the kind of close friendship I had when young. I have tried to develop friendships with people and it does bother me that they don't want to spend more time with me. They have other friends and don't include me with those people. I am envious, insecure, and sometimes hurt, but I don't feel anger about it.