Do you ever experience this?

Hi, this is my first time on the forum and I wanted to know if anyone ever experiences this. First off, some background, I'm 19 and male, and I just recently concluded my first year of college. I've suspected that I've had AvPD for atleast a year. I've always had severe social anxiety, always feeling like I just didn't measure up to everyone else. This really climaxed probably in my junior year of highschool to the point where I was a near complete loner with only a couple friends in a class of 600 students. However, that year I by random chance got dragged into a cliche of friends, which "saved" in someways I guess. Slowly from there I somehow developed a social life and the severity of my social anxiety lessoned somewhat. And I will say that I have drastically improved since then, mostly due to a homosexual friend of mine who kept forcing me into uncomfortable, social situations and making me meet new people, which I guess gave me a slight confidence boost over time. My number one issue was always dealing with females, however, I've gone from barely being able to talk to girls to being able to initiate conversations (though it still feels awkward a lot) on my own and making female friends of my own without being introduced first by other people.

But anyway, back to my original question. These past few months, I've noticed a change in myself. Before all I really wanted was a social life, though I had an underlying desire for a romantic relationship. But since the past year and a half of changes, I've went from 17 years of no social life to now where I have people calling me daily and ending up going out with friends 2-5 nights a week. My problem? I keep getting in these spurts where, I just really want to be alone. To the point where I won't answer the phone when I know it's for me or I make up excuses not to go out. This is really impacting my relationship with my male friends. The only thing I really care about right now is romantic relationships. I turn 20 in 3 months and I've still never been on a date. I just don't know where to begin or how to initiate that type of interaction. I get terrified just thinking about it. But because this has really been my main concern, I seem to be losing concern with my male friends. I don't want to push them away, but at the sametime inside I really feel like I'd rather be alone. I mean, I've never been diagnosed as AvPD, I'm just guessing because I suffer from severe social anxiety and am only confident around my core group of friends, I always feel inadequate, I day dream frequently, etc. I'm just wondering if maybe I'm somehow transitioning from being avoidant to something else, perhaps schizoidal, that is if I was ever really avoidant in the first place.

Edit: I thought I should add, besides my personal suspicions, two friends of mine have confronted me about the possibility of me having AvPD and every online personality disorder exam I've taken have mainly pointed toward AvPD, though paranoid is commonly a close second followed by schizoid. I'd like to get a professional opinion at some point, but I'm just not sure how to bring this up to my family, whom I'd have to goto before I could seek professional help since I'm still dependent upon them.

i took an online personality disorder test even though i've already been diagnosed avpd, just because i was interested...i got 98% avoidant, 71% paranoid and about 48% schizoid i think...it's probably just because some of the symptoms overlap...i really don't think i have 3 personality disorders, however screwed up i seem to be...because of the overlap in symptoms it would probably be better if you were diagnosed professionally...it's easy to get it wrong otherwise...until this year i had no idea i had avpd...i didn't even know it existed...

I suppose it is hard for professionals, too, to diagnose you correctly. At least there is no guarantee they get it right.

Anyway, AvPD, SPD etc are probably not discrete conditions that just happen to have overlapping symptoms, but rather positions within a continuum, so there is a lot of "in between". I don't think that, if you have some avoidant character traits and some schizoid character traits, you can be said to have two individual illnesses on top of each other, i.e. you are worse off than somebody who fits into the avoidant category more neatly and therefore "has only one illness"... Correct me, if I'm wrong - my knowledge of psychology is not particularly profound - but I guess the explaining power of any such typology should not be overrated, when applied to the individual.

Nevertheless I've been wondering whether I might be more schizoid than avoidant, myself. Many people on this board are desperately longing for a more satisfying social life and a romantic relationship, while I can't really say I am. Not desperately and not at any cost, at least. (But maybe I'm fooling myself, or maybe I'm just afraid.) And sometimes I think that I lack feeling and empathy. I don't easily connect to people - at least not deeply enough that it actually MEANS something to me - and I don't fall in love. I've recently shed some old friends without the slightest remorse.
Hm.

I don't put much stock in online personality disorder tests. I wouldn't also be so definitive on a professional's disgnosis. In the past I was diagnosed as having schizoid personality disorder. I know I never had it but because I was unable to properly express myself to the shrink at the time, that's the label that stuck. That is until the next shrink came along. Than that dignosis went out the window and I got stock with another. Until the next shrink came along... In college I had some professors that refused to cover personality disorders in class because they felt they weren't valid. Others stated they did think they were valid dignoses but definitely weren't as permanent as some believed. Basically they're all labels and sometimes a "label" fits and sometimes it doesn't. Some criteria may fit at one point and not later. The DSM IV states there is a lot of overlap between avpd & schizoid pd. Some patients can be diagnosed with having both. I'd like to know how that's possible if the two diagnoses are actually opposites. Both lack close relationships but avoidants WANT them and schizoid DON'T.

I think it's possible for someone with avpd to develop into a schizoid. Sometimes I feel like just packing up and moving to a secluded mountain somewhere where no one will bother me. It's not that I don't want close relationships. It's just that sometimes I feel like I'm never going to find them and lack the ability to form and maintain them so I might as well give up. Maybe many schizoids at some point wanted close relationships and just gave up when they didn't find them. Maybe after not having close attachments for so long they simply forgot how to empathize and feel deep emotions. I'm just speculating. I know that I am able to experience deep feelings and certainly am capable of empathizing with others so I must not be schizoid. I suffer from many of the symptoms of avpd and don't really plan on packing up and moving to a mountain anytime soon, so that's the diagnosis I go with.

Basically they're all labels and sometimes a "label" fits and sometimes it doesn't.

APD_Guy, all you said makes sense to me.

The starting post of AvPD_I_think describes experiences that might be AvPD in part, but also might be common feelings of teenagers experiencing some anxiety as they mature and are put in new social situations.

I think it sounds like a good thing that AvPD_I_think has some caring friends. It's not unusual to have romantic interests influence who you want to be around, either.

APD_Guy wrote:I think it's possible for someone with avpd to develop into a schizoid. Sometimes I feel like just packing up and moving to a secluded mountain somewhere where no one will bother me. It's not that I don't want close relationships. It's just that sometimes I feel like I'm never going to find them and lack the ability to form and maintain them so I might as well give up. Maybe many schizoids at some point wanted close relationships and just gave up when they didn't find them. Maybe after not having close attachments for so long they simply forgot how to empathize and feel deep emotions. I'm just speculating.

Perfectly possible. And scary. I'm constantly torn between wanting to "pack up and move to a mountain" and intending to finally join the rest of the world in the hustle and bustle of social life. At this point the latter impuls seems to be the stronger one, but really just because I fear that maybe in another 10 years moving to a mountain will be my only option.
I'm a great procrastinator, I like to delay decisions and keep my options open. I've always thought: Yeah, maybe I will *live* one day, but right now I can't be bothered. The thing is, of course one's options narrow down all by themselves, if one doesn't take action at some point. So maybe I'm missing my chance of having a normal life.

But AvPD_I_think's problem seems to be quite different. Sounds more like a sudden overload of social contacts when he wasn't prepared for it. I'd just say: Give yourself some rest, but be careful not to put off your friends. They're precious. Force yourself to keep up the contact with those that you like, to let them know you care - even if it's tiring sometimes. I mean, that's what social life is like, after all, let's not fool ourselves. Yes, there is human warmth and emotional support in friendships, but you also have to listen to stories that don't really interest you, take part in activities you don't find fun etc. Nothing's for free...

I'm constantly torn between wanting to "pack up and move to a mountain" and intending to finally join the rest of the world in the hustle and bustle of social life. At this point the latter impuls seems to be the stronger one, but really just because I fear that maybe in another 10 years moving to a mountain will be my only option.
I'm a great procrastinator, I like to delay decisions and keep my options open. I've always thought: Yeah, maybe I will *live* one day, but right now I can't be bothered. The thing is, of course one's options narrow down all by themselves, if one doesn't take action at some point. So maybe I'm missing my chance of having a normal life.

I'm also a great procrastinator. I keep thinking that *someday* I'll be able to find the closeness and happiness that I long for. I've been using the someday excuse for years now. Time does pass more quickly the older you get, and it seems to be flying by now. Things I planned on doing in a few months are now years ago. At some point someday has to become *today*. I'm just still trying to find that strength to try to change. The idea of packing up and moving to that mountain seems more and more tangible to me now, but that's only my own fault. Perhaps if I spent those years trying to change my avoidant ways I'd be more confortable in social situations and not get so frustrated and irritated by people sometimes. For me packing up and moving would mean giving up hope entirely, something I hope and pray never happens. I always like to say "as long as there's tomorrow, there's always hope" so even if it takes another 10 years maybe there will still be time left.

But AvPD_I_think's problem seems to be quite different. Sounds more like a sudden overload of social contacts when he wasn't prepared for it.

I agree. AvPD_I_Think, I think you need to find time for yourself and regulate it with time spent with your friends. Do what you can to stay in touch with them, even if you don't spend as much time with them as they want you too. It's also possible that through them you might meet someone who you can have a romantic relationship with. Many people meet their mates through friends of friends, etc. Consider yourself lucky you have these freinds. What will happen if you find a romantic relationship and then break up and lost touch with your friends? You'll be in an even worse spot then. Balance is the key.

APD_Guy wrote:[

I'm also a great procrastinator. I keep thinking that *someday* I'll be able to find the closeness and happiness that I long for. I've been using the someday excuse for years now. Time does pass more quickly the older you get, and it seems to be flying by now. Things I planned on doing in a few months are now years ago. At some point someday has to become *today*. I'm just still trying to find that strength to try to change. The idea of packing up and moving to that mountain seems more and more tangible to me now, but that's only my own fault. Perhaps if I spent those years trying to change my avoidant ways I'd be more confortable in social situations and not get so frustrated and irritated by people sometimes. For me packing up and moving would mean giving up hope entirely, something I hope and pray never happens. I always like to say "as long as there's tomorrow, there's always hope" so even if it takes another 10 years maybe there will still be time left.

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i know people say this a lot, but seriously i could have wrote that myself, its exactly what i do....especially the someday thing, months becoming years etc....for example i have planned to try and go out for my birthday for the past 4 years and haven't been able to each time, and then when it passes i decide i'll just "go out next year" and keep putting it off...this year i plan to again, but i honestly don't know if it will happen, i mean based on results it's just very unlikely that i will ever be able to function socially again....i really wish i could, but i just can't bring myself to do it, i'm too embarrassed and scared to go out anywhere, and i don't see that changing any time soon...

APD_Guy wrote:For me packing up and moving would mean giving up hope entirely, something I hope and pray never happens.

I would really love a compromise between the lonely mountain and a social life. I would like to be able to join other people whenever I feel like it and to isolate myself whenever I feel like it. But a) I don't really have that sovereign ease and b) people don't really understand that. If you make them feel you are their friend one day and totally withdraw from them next day, they get pissed off. They expect commitment and I can understand that. I don't want to hurt anybody.

(nina) wrote:i know people say this a lot, but seriously i could have wrote that myself, its exactly what i do....especially the someday thing, months becoming years etc....for example i have planned to try and go out for my birthday for the past 4 years and haven't been able to each time, and then when it passes i decide i'll just "go out next year" and keep putting it off...this year i plan to again, but i honestly don't know if it will happen, i mean based on results it's just very unlikely that i will ever be able to function socially again....i really wish i could, but i just can't bring myself to do it, i'm too embarrassed and scared to go out anywhere, and i don't see that changing any time soon...

I think it will take a strong conscious effort. I have been able to stop procrastinating and change some non-avoidant things about myself, like paying bills on time, quitting smoking, etc. without much effort. I made New Year's Resolutions to do it, wrote it down in my journal so I could look at it to remind myself and also feel guilty if I didn't, and just decided to do it. The social things are another story. I'm still trying to work on it, but as long as I don't give up I still think there's a chance for improvement. If you are willing to change and willing to at least attempt an effort to change than there's hope. Maybe you could just keep saying to yourself over and over that you will go out for your birthday this year and when the time comes just do it. Sometimes you just have to do it just to put your own mind to rest.

Josephine wrote:I would really love a compromise between the lonely mountain and a social life. I would like to be able to join other people whenever I feel like it and to isolate myself whenever I feel like it. But a) I don't really have that sovereign ease and b) people don't really understand that. If you make them feel you are their friend one day and totally withdraw from them next day, they get pissed off. They expect commitment and I can understand that. I don't want to hurt anybody.

I also wish there was that compromise but I think it's only possible if it's with people who understand and have been through it themselves. Maybe if people are true friends and do care, and you are honest about needing time to yourself than they might just understand. I've been in the position of pissing people off because I needed to withdraw for awhile and it really isn't pleasant. Most people just won't understand.