Inner 'gremlin' is pretty harsh lately

The inner voice that drags me down and (I think) makes me avoidant is pretty active lately. It is wearing me pretty thin. It makes me want to withdraw, disappear, or break down. When I get this bad I feel like I am on a fine line between being sane and turning insane.

Anyone else notice this before a withdrawing episode?

I am working more hours now, which on one hand makes me interact with coworkers more, but actually takes me away from interaction with people I know (like friends and family) throughout the week. I have been doing this for a few weeks and it has really taken its toll.

I feel on the verge of tears. I remember feeling like this growing up, in my early teens and beyond, when my self-imposed isolation started. After almost 3 weeks of no interaction outside of work, I met with two friends today. I didn't even want to leave the house. I felt super ugly, I looked in the mirror and felt like I looked like the elephant man. I was so uncomfortable all day, but I still went, and mostly had a good time. But I am exhausted, and I am physically sore now from being so tensed up.

I need some relief from this. I can understand why people turn to drugs and alcohol. I don't want to though...

Well for one thing be sure you DON'T seek relief from drugs and/or alcohol. It's pretty clear that your added work hours are having an effect on you. The only advice I can give is try to reduce your workload if you can. Try doing something you enjoy if possible. Sorry, I don't have better advice. My inner voice is almost always active regardless of the stress level so I can only imagine when it's in hyperdrive.

APD_Guy wrote:Well for one thing be sure you DON'T seek relief from drugs and/or alcohol. It's pretty clear that your added work hours are having an effect on you. The only advice I can give is try to reduce your workload if you can. Try doing something you enjoy if possible. Sorry, I don't have better advice. My inner voice is almost always active regardless of the stress level so I can only imagine when it's in hyperdrive.

I won't seek drugs, at least not the illegal sort. I don't take anti-anxiety drugs or antidepressants, but I haven't ruled them out. My psychiatrist recommended I take them, but I balked. Stubborn side I suppose, but I've always disliked non-natural medication.

However, last year I was seriously considering taking up smoking marijuana. I get so filled with anxiety that I just need something to calm my nerves, otherwise I start acting out (wanting to ease the pain by seeking fantasy or porn) or acting in (withdrawing and isolating).

I have a CD that has EMDR sounds, and it calms me down if I relax and sit still long enough. So tonight (after spending all day forcing myself to interact with people even though I wanted to hibernate alone) I finally lay down, put the CD on and focussed on that for 15 minutes. My anxiety quelled quite a bit. I'm not sure why I always forget that it works. I guess I want things to go away right away... no patience, or fear that it (the anxiety) will never go away.

Thanks for the support!

I'm with you on trying to avoid non-natural medication. I usually refuse to take any medication unless I feel it's necessary. What are EMDR sounds?

EMDR is a form of therapy that uses left-to-right sound or motion to help process feelings. My therapist used a vibrating EMDR (nothing kinky lol) mechanism, you hold a small ball in each hand, the vibrating pans from left to right. You focus on the panning sensation while the therapist asks you questions and you talk through whatever is bothering you. There is more to it than that, but I found it really helpful.

Anyway, the EMDR sound is a track I bought that has a left-to-right panning sound. If I sit or lie still, focus on the sounds going left to right, I can think about upsetting feelings or experiences, and they no longer feel as upsetting. I can use it if I am feeling really anxious about meeting up with someone, and after 10 or 15 minutes the anxiety is usually down enough for me to carry on as normal.

I bought my CD from this site http://www.psychinnovations.com/products.html - the one called 'Up Level'. You can listen to samples there. You can also download a free mp3 of a "Loss Meditation" at http://www.psychinnovations.com/gmed.htm. But 'Up Level' is my favourite.

trence wrote:EMDR is a form of therapy that uses left-to-right sound or motion to help process feelings. My therapist used a vibrating EMDR (nothing kinky lol) mechanism, you hold a small ball in each hand, the vibrating pans from left to right. You focus on the panning sensation while the therapist asks you questions and you talk through whatever is bothering you. There is more to it than that, but I found it really helpful.

Anyway, the EMDR sound is a track I bought that has a left-to-right panning sound. If I sit or lie still, focus on the sounds going left to right, I can think about upsetting feelings or experiences, and they no longer feel as upsetting. I can use it if I am feeling really anxious about meeting up with someone, and after 10 or 15 minutes the anxiety is usually down enough for me to carry on as normal.

I bought my CD from this site http://www.psychinnovations.com/products.html - the one called 'Up Level'. You can listen to samples there. You can also download a free mp3 of a "Loss Meditation" at http://www.psychinnovations.com/gmed.htm. But 'Up Level' is my favourite.

So that's what it's called, EMDR. My speech therapist (a couple of years ago) used it and it really made me feel relaxed, but I did not know you could by CDs like that. Thanks for that trence. (I'll check the samples out at home.)

I also often forget what works for me and go on autopilot in wrong or short-term relief directions. I find doing puzzles (Sudokus) takes soo much of my thinking capacity, that my anxiety or negative talk is interrupted. Other times, physical relaxation like bathing or personal grooming helps.

P.S.: I also have an aversion against non-natural medication.