Am I Avoidant?

I'm only 16, but I think I am avoidant. I don't know if i have a personality disprder, because, even tjough i fear meeting new people, when i meet htem i am not shy. I just talk complete BS, which makes me embarassed and i hate myself afterwards, and cringe. I read somewhere that avoidants could be the opposite of shy- is this true? somebody please help

i have read somewhere that some avoidants do talk a lot of $#%^ like that, there was a reason, but i can't remember it. it was in my AvPD book... it definately doesn't apply to me though, i never talk to anyone because i'm too scared...

i found something about that on another site, it sounds kind of strange, though...

Speech ís may also be affected ín APD. Avoidants may be quite silent. As Jerome Kagan explains, “For a rabbit, freezing on a lawn ís a sign of fear. I believe that speechlessness ís a similar diagnostic sign for us… There’s a circuit ín the brain that controls our vocal cords & becoming quiet can be one sign of fear.” (Galvin, 1992). When they do speak, avoidants may use frequent pauses & speak slowly (Millon & Everly). This ís contrary to what we read regarding social phobia, where pauses ín speech tended to be avoided because they were thought to be a sign of lack of knowledge. Avoidants may also be overtalkative, possibly due to an adrenic discharge or a false belief, such as continuously talking will prevent death. For avoidants who try to put people off with their behavior, insults or social faux pas are commonly used as a way to assure rejection (Kantor). While this does essentially realize their worst fear, ít does again give avoidants some control over how others react to them.


don't know if that really helps, but anyway....

I don't think I talk shite because I'm afraid of death or because I think it will prevent death, and I certainly don't insult people. I want them to like me. I think I do it to seem interesting- if i stand there silent everybody will think I'm boring. I need to have a story to tell. I can't stop it. Could it be APD?

i don't know, i understand what you're saying, i worry about what everyone will think about me as well, but for me i'm incapable of actually doing anything about it eg. having a conversation. but i mean, people do things in different ways, i really don't know enough to say whether you are or not... there is a full description of all the symptoms of AvPD at - psychologynet.org/avpd.html

sorry i couldn't be more help to you, i'm really not that smart...

xx
(nina)

I'll tell you why I think I may be Avoidant:

intense fear of rejection
i hate meeting new people
i find reasons not to go places if i may not be liked
i never try anything new imcase i am laughed at
i feel that people will never be able to like me
i trust nobody, as i think im too inadequete to be truly liked


I just wondered if i was too young- but then i read that symptoms set in in adolescence? Im nearly 17, could i have APD? do you think


and thank you so much, its nice that somebody is listening and not laughing at me.

i don't think you can be too young, i remember being like this since i was 12, maybe even younger... you won't know for sure unless you're actually diagnosed though... it's ok, i would never laugh at you, especially not if you're going through as much $#%^ as i was when i was in school... it was horrible.... i have to go now though, good luck with everything....

i have read somewhere that some avoidants do talk a lot of $#%^ like that

Wow! I think even someone who didn't fear rejection and/or was worried about how they came across would be hurt by a statement like that.

if you actually read her first post she was asking why she talks complete bs all the time, all i was doing was explaining why that might be...and if you're so worried about people being hurt, then why are you attacking me for something i posted 3 weeks ago to someone else? i'm sorry, but i really feel that i have done nothing wrong and it was completely unnecessary to say that...i was only trrying to help and i don't see why you have to act like i'm a bad person for saying that...

if you actually read her first post she was asking why she talks complete bs all the time, all i was doing was explaining why that might be

Yep, she did say bs, it was you who said $#%^. $#%^ and bs are two separate things. bs is a polite term whereas $#%^ is personal. I say that because we are avoidants and avoidants don't like confrontation. I found the wording ie $#%^, to be confrontational.

and if you're so worried about people being hurt, then why are you attacking me for something i posted 3 weeks ago to someone else?

I'm new here and was orienting myself with the threads and wasn't aware I shouldn't be replying to 3 week old posts. I wasn't attacking you, merely stating that the tone of your reply was somewhat confrontational.

i'm sorry, but i really feel that i have done nothing wrong

You haven't done anything wrong, again I was merely stating that replying to someone's initial post where they have stated they talk bs (which is a negative statement in itself and goes some way to understanding why people view themselves in less than flattering ways) by using the word $#%^ could be construed as being unhelpful. You have every right to use that term and to say what you like, only that people of a sensitive nature might be offended by it.

and it was completely unnecessary to say that

I stated what I felt with regard to what you had said. My opinion is valid as is yours, I was merely expressing how it could appear.

...i was only trrying to help

I can see you were, again I was just stating that referring to someone talking bs as someone talking $#%^ is another thing entirely. Think about it, if you were saying to someone that you thought you talked bs and that person said "everyone talks $#%^ from time to time" wouldn't that be hurtful?

and i don't see why you have to act like i'm a bad person for saying that...

I don't see where in my post I stated you were a bad person. I don't know you so I can't say whether you are a bad person or not and even if I did (which I wouldn't because you're not - saying what I said was about what you said not the kind of person you are) that would be my opinion and may or may not be representative of what is. I will reiterate here, I was only saying that what you wrote could be seen to be hurtful. I'm not saying it was only that it could be seen that way.

I personally would not have been comfortable if you had replied that way to me. There is a vast difference between the term bs and the term $#%^, that is all I'm saying. Negative feelings breed negative words therefore breeding yet more negativity. I grew up in a house where I was constantly being told I talked rubbish and looking back on that time and those conversations, there was nothing that was rubbish, it was merely one person's negative view.

Now I can see that the person involved was/is unhappy and I let it wash over me but at the time their opinions mattered and I allowed what they said to go in and fester, which made me both wary of saying anything lest I talk 'rubbish' and more sensitive to when I was told I was doing so even when I wasn't.

By addressing what we say and how we say it, replacing those negative words and comments with positive ones we can begin to move away from negativity and self-doubt and harsh self-talk towards positivity, self-assurance and healthy affirmations. You are by no means a bad person nina, none of us here are, we've just gotten used to feeling bad about ourselves.