Any musicians, artists, or creative types here?

It's not the usual types, but I consider myself creative with making a CMS in programming. I've been working on them for the past 10 years and spend absurd amount of time thinking about ideas for it and coding, the last version I made I spent 14 months working on it solo.

But besides a few time periods, it's been the thing I enjoy most out of everything. It's not always fun, but I get a significant amount of enjoyment from it sometimes, so it would be hard not work on it and I feel like I am at my creative best working on it.

Plus, it's something I can do by myself.

Hi, i do Hip-Hop music, which usually boasts for some very high self-esteemed artists. but i feel myself falling behind or going no further than a certain point, especially doing the live shows (which i almost shun doing), because it's way too much stress for me too handle. I've done a handful and i've hated them all. even people coming up to me after saying i was great or whatever, i really get anxious. i just need to leave immediately. i could rehearse the lyrics for ages but when i'm there my mind just freezes. i don't understand how people can want to do them. i also have issues with perfectionism and feel i can't just show people something "ok".

the only way i do music is to record it, the creation process. but i can't really move past that. it's really been a hindrance on my possible path in music. i've been forced to keep it as a hobby cause of everything that makes my brain want to explode. it leads me on to drinking excessively and doing drugs just to be at ease around people who i think are judging me, but then i screw up the performance because i'm wasted... ugh. such is life i guess.

yes. but avpd destroys everything i create, to the point that i became stunted. found it hard to be in bands other than cover bands... i wanted to enjoy jamming and creating sounds but i held back so much that i brought little to nothing to the table... and when presenting an idea i would work on it so much to effectively 'complete' the piece, once released to the band i would feel very depressed about what i created, either that it was diseased, or showed my 'disease', or was just garbage, and got very embarrassed about it. and then i would attempt to create visual art but what came out was unsatisfactory as i never developed my skills, put off by my perceived inadequacy. vicious circle.

i would create what i loved musically, but had to deconstruct it so much so it ceased to be a 'song' or 'nice'... what i created embarrassed me the next day... and 'revealed' me... i didn't want to fulfill any cliches... but i look back and listen and feel bad for myself for giving me such a hard time... especially when you listen to a lot of the garbage out there... i had no desire to play for others... and couldn't handle the judgement anyhow...

i manage to hold down a 9-5 right now, and left that world behind. i really have no idea how i managed to operate in the face of so many people, and personalities, and all the judgement that naturally comes with that scene... with avpd.

i should change my username to 'frozen'... "lol".

i'm an artist, and a writer. sometimes i write to try and pour my feelings out but i have A LOT of trouble conveying my message through words-- i can't even talk coherently sometimes, let alone write. i don't know why I bother. everytime i do, i end up trying to explain my feelings more than the logic behind it.

as for my art, well i tend to paint faces a lot, but there is very little emotion conveyed in it (not that i'd like it otherwise) or so i thought until someone mentioned the faces i painted look like they have so much on their minds... that's when i realized i might have been unconsciously pouring my feelings out. i don't know if that was a good or bad thing, but i know i don't like being transparent...

I was allways related to arts in my childwood as a creative person , good at drawing, free hand drawing is one of my best talents, latter in my teenage days i started to becomed more insterested about music, specialy electronic music, wich i started to produce around 17, in that time i didnt had such AvPD symptoms, so i was a normal social person, i had peers to interact and do silly things, hang out, etc etc. latter as i becomed good in producing electronic music, and i started receiving invitations to perfom in partys and clubs, that time was perhaps the best i ever had, because it was kind of easy to meet new people and interact without any complexity or mental struggling behind the simple interactivity...

the years passed, i had made some releases wich allowed me to act at internacional level, but as much i becomed older, it becomed also aparent that i had something wrong with me, i started to feel awkward in public, and people also started to notice the same, i started to become more isolated, more and more, till a point where i basicly becomed forgotten by everyone, not having any real friend for about 5/6 years know, almost zero interaction... and all this due to social anxiety and avoidant disorder... that prevents me from stablish empathy and get new peers... today i keep releasing music at times, but i am completly off-stage and i tend to refuse and avoid social interaction...

started to learn programing languages 3 years ago, java, C/C#/c++, im interested in developing audio plugins, as i have a lot of free time to think and plan such things... also do some UI design for stuff, as my graphical skills are very strong...

but i also feel that my mental condition turns my life into a sandbox without much external feedback, so all things i do are mostly to entertain my self...

I draw and have recently begun painting. It definitely pushes my art towards a fantastical/psychedelic feel. There are a lot of faces