You know you're AvPD when...

When you try so hard to look normal in front of anyone that you fake everything even about what you're lacking of (like confidence) just because you don't wanna seem different/abnormal and don't want people asking you questions.

And then, you realize that you're a really good actor/actress and think it might be a good idea to start an acting carrier but then realized it involves being a center of attention, cameras, talking to lots of people, and way beyond the comfort zone that you just shake the thoughts off because it scares the sh*t out of you.

When you go to a party ( one of those rare "must" occasions ... ) and you always have your fake smile facade up just to please everyone. You yourself did not enjoy it at all and just feel drained completely afterwards...

You need help in class and you spend an hour trying to build up the courage to ask your teacher for help but you can't do it so you spend the next few hours hating yourself and beating yourself up over it and end up giving up completely, accepting the fact that you're going to fail the class because there's no hope for you.

You know you are AvPD when, so long as there exists the remotest chance of human interaction, you feel an unrelenting sense of impending doom.

You know you are AvPD when the idea of relocating to an ice-sheet in Alaska, surrounded on all sides by atleast 50 miles of uninhabited forest, sounds like heaven.

You know you are AvPD when you start to see people in close proximity as leeches, who's mere existence can threaten yours, and whose only purpose seems to be to keep you locked in your room and quiet.

You know you are AvPD/BDD when you spend an hour in front of the mirror, trying to look like a human being so you can go to the shops, only to give up and convince yourself you'd rather deal with the hunger/pain rather than go and get that food/ibuprofen.

When you see your phone ringing and it's a unfamiliar number so you leave it. You later call back blocking your number to see who it was.

You pretend your feeling sick to avoid taking your kids to the movies because you really can't deal with seeing people that day.

You avoid parking in a shopping car park incase you struggle to get out of it and everyone can see.

You avoid mirrors because you realise how you really look in real life.

Avoid going to hairdressers as you hate seeing yourself in the mirror. ( its been 6 years)

Ask your son to walk out to the car after school so you can avoid all other parents.

Would rather go down a different shopping isle than ask someone if they could move out the way please.

Focus so much on getting your child help for their issues and yet your more messed up than him. When asked if any previous history of mental illness you reply "nope"

Would rather suffer years than admit all this crazy stuff you do due to embarrassment to a psych.

When making a simple phone call is so hard, you practice or write down what your going to say before calling.

When you haven't allowed your partner of 13 years to see you naked due to the fear of being ridiculed.

When you turn every positive into a negative ( so I'm told) I like to be prepared for the worst.

When you go to remove everything you just wrote incase no one else has the same issues as above!!

I could write a book on this. So glad I'm not alone!

...you're TWELVE and some weirdo pervert starts touching your boobs while you're playing Ms. Pacman at the grocery store while your mom shops, and you ignore it like it isn't even happening because you don't want to make a scene. You "accidentally" die in the game and then make an excuse for why you have to leave so as not to hurt HIS feelings or embarrass him!!!!!!! Wtf??!!

...you have pretend conversations with a therapist because you can't bring yourself to go to one IRL.

...you say something stupid the first day of class so you drop the class even though it's required for graduation next spring and it's only offered during fall semester.

...you have a broken, infected tooth and still won't go to the dentist because they'll judge you.

...you buy antibiotics for FISH off the internet to treat the infected tooth, to avoid the dentist and his judgement.

...someone asks you what your weekend plans are (you have none because you have no friends) and you make a big deal about how you're going to rest "this weekend", as if last weekend was such a huge social scene for you.

...you don't go to your grandmother's funeral because you're afraid your relatives (who you haven't seen in 24 years) will judge you.

...you avoid applying for disability for 19 years because you can't bear to write down on paper all the trauma you've been through and how effed up you are from it

When you leave work at 4 PM, ride the train home, go to the gym and lift and run for 90 minutes, stop at the grocery store on the way home from the gym, ride the train back to work the next morning, and realize that the only person you've talked to was saying "thank you" to the checkout woman at the grocery store last night.

you have been asked "why are you so quiet?" hundreds of times.

when you are walking on the street and a car doesn't stop at the stop sign for you to pass, you think the driver had something against you personally.

You are always trying to prove you are not weird and you are not different.

you keep playing in your head interactions that you had with people over and over again and wish you had said/done things differently

You interpret everything against you. If someone makes eye contact with you and smiles, he has something against you. he thinks you are weird and he is making fun of you. if he doesn't make contact, again, he has something against you, he doesn't want to acknowledge you. If he does make eye contact but doesn't smile, again, he has something against you, he thinks you are unpleasant and wants you to go away.

shion13 wrote:When you try so hard to look normal in front of anyone that you fake everything even about what you're lacking of (like confidence) just because you don't wanna seem different/abnormal and don't want people asking you questions.

And then, you realize that you're a really good actor/actress and think it might be a good idea to start an acting carrier but then realized it involves being a center of attention, cameras, talking to lots of people, and way beyond the comfort zone that you just shake the thoughts off because it scares the sh*t out of you.

Damn, esoteric feels over here..