You know you're AvPD when...

I know I am avoidants when I fail to establish any intimate or close interpersonal relationships outside my family of origin after 35 years living in this planet.

You dont make friends b/c they'll just move and people only move because you're not good enough to keep them around or you've made them mad

Kuray wrote:when you see the last post in a thread was created 2 weeks ago and you debate for more than an hour if your post is really important enough to bump it.

literally me right now, ahaha.

When someone messages you on a social media website so you avoid said website for months, even when the message was friendly.

When it takes over an hour to write a post in a thread (and another half hour contemplating whether it's important enough to post)

When you see people talking to each other in a large group and desperately want to be apart of it, yet the thought of actually talking to them makes you feel sick to your stomach.

When you can't sleep at night even after taking sleeping pills because the thought of going to work and talking to people makes you more nervous than skydiving.

When you love writing/drawing but never post it publicly in fear people will hate it.

When you can go through this thread and say "exactly!" to almost every single reply here.

When you message a friend from college on FB trying to share your supposed mutual interest, get nothing but the old "seen at 00:00". Now you're self-cringing and wish you hadn't bothered...

When there are repairs needed in your home that you can't do yourself but you just live with it because that's preferable to having a bunch of workmen you don't know there all day.

..your hair is longer than your moms because getting a haircut is simply the most unbearable thing you can imagine.
..you stand outside a grocery story thinking about why you dont really need those things you thought about buying earlier and watching tv and drinking the rest of that weird juice your mom bought is just as good an option.
..you think about every single movement and noice you make, making you walk like a hipster-zombie.
..you answer every question with noices instead of words.
..you are basically a big whimpy b--ch who clings to a disorder and refuse to think of ways to change.
..you hate yourself so badly and look up to everyone else who isn't like you.
..you realize you will never be understood and people generally think you're a weirdo and they will never take the time to understand personally why you have become this way and why people develop disorders like this.
..you realize that in nature it has always been survival of the fittest and it's natural for normal people not to pay attention to those left behind because we are evolving, and you accept you fate and live your life through with what you got.

- when you email someone and then avoid checking your email for days
- when you answer a phonecall by calling back a week later (if at all)
- when you're too self-conscious to pick your nose even alone at home
- when you hear something nice and immediately think they're just being polite
- when you hear something rude and immediately think they're being truthful
- when you're worried what a bus driver thinks of you
- when you're afraid of getting positive feedback, because you know good things don't last
- when you think your cat only uses you for food
- when you think that all men woo you by telling lies just to get some sex (if you date at all)
- when you think that men see you as ugly but tolerate your uglyness for sex
- when you think that your boyfriend who says he couldn't sleep thinking of you during the night is lying to make you like him more
- when you cry after a random salesperson wasn't speaking nicely enough to you
- when you've got curtains permanently drawn on all your windows
- when you need to leave your home but get stuck waiting for 15 minutes till neighbors who're outside leave before you dare to open the door
- when you avoid riding a private bus because you need to call out when you want to exit the bus
- when you speak so quitely that you have to repeat twice for people to hear
- when you think that your psychotherapist is happy every time you're leaving
- when you think that your psychiatrist believes you to be a bothersome idiot with issues not worth her attention
- when someone tells you that you have beautiful eyes and you believe they want to manipulate you
- when someone looks at you and you think they're disgusted
- when someone looks in your direction and you worry that they were looking at you
- when you spend your time at home in dim light because this way you feel less visible to the world
- when you play a game online, someone chats you up, adds you as a friend, and you never play that game again
- when the emotion most familiar to you is fear
- when you reread your post for 20 times because you're afraid that you made a mistake and you're going to look stupid to everyone who reads it

... When a social interaction needs to go perfectly or you think you've "failed", and you'll be ruminating about the small blunder you made for days if not longer, and on top of this you fear others see you the same way.

FragranceOfLilac wrote:- when you've got curtains permanently drawn on all your windows

aaaaaand then you worry what the other neighbors are thinking badly of you for doing so; now you just keep them open for as long as possible as 'duck down' below the window if you see someone passing.

When it hits the fan, and you have the simultaneous relief that no one is pestering you and despair that no one is there for you...

Okay, I'll give a more specific example rather than my general post from 3 years ago.

In 2006 I was ripped off $4850 or thereabouts on eBay on an item that wasn't delivered. I am far from rich. 99+% of people would have gotten involved more than just a Paypal dispute. They would have phoned local police and gotten more actively involved. Because of this lovely thing called AvPD that I have, I took no further action than Paypal because I was too scared to. $5k just wasn't worth it to me. What amount of money would be worth it to me to get involved and get a police investigation going? $10k? Nope, better go higher. My AvPD knows no bounds. If that doesn't prove I am AvPD, I don't know what will.