I lost my dream job today :-(

I recently found this forum, after doing hours of research on my "condition".

I've always knew I had something misfiring upstairs, but excepted it and avoided situations that I knew would cause me problems.

I'm 37 yrs old physically fit, non-smoker.
I was hired into magagement at a new Company.
My first couple of months were fantastic, I developed an alliance of co-workers and things were going great. Recently I had to fire some employees and knew there was going to be annomositywith some of the other staffers. Things began to deteriorate for me, other managers would cease there conversation when I would come around, If I had to talk to my employees or repremand them I found they would go and vent to my bosses. I alays felt as if co-workers would be talking behind my back, to the point I would have nightmares of loosing this dream job, My performance has been top knotch and one of the owners always thanked me for the great job, and even on Friday after we closed down was thanked by one of the owners for my progress. Last night I recieved a phone call from one of the other owners telling me it's time we part ways, It felt as if my heart was ripped out of my chest, I've been in this position many times before, How did this occur, Why did this occur, I gave my heart and soul to this company and the owner tells me "it's sort of like report card day in school and the box is checked off, doesn't work well with others" WHAT??? How did I go from the most liked guy to the most hated guy in the matter of weeks???? I was even told that one of the managers who I thought was a friend, told the owner I speak down to everyone, and no one wants to work with me.

I'm at a loss for words, This job gave me 100% Paid PPO Medical and I was just in the process of setting appointments so I can finally seek the help I need.........................


I was trying so hard to find out what my condition is, and APD seems to hold most of the traits of what I experience

This is what I deal with.

Extreme difficulties functioning after a night of sleep, ( zombie, Brain cloud)

Hard to keep a conversation going

Moody

Stuttering when in a conversation

"Brain Farts" Complete loss of direction when talking to someone

Forget words

sarcastic

Talk to myself

very few close friends

Destructive in relastionships



Coffee seems to intensify my problems.



I know Imay be rambling, and This is my first post, I had to speak to someone and this seems to be helping me get it off my chest.

Financially I believe I'm going to be ruined after this blow. Me loosing this job was not expected.


I don't even know if APD is even what I'm dealing with.

I think i'll be sharing your pain withing the next few weeks. Althought this job i'm currently doing is far far far from my dream job, it pays extremely well. Its data entry and invoice processing for this big real estate company. I'm actually on contract, but they have extended it several times due to my effeciency. Problem is, i'm quiet and don't really talk with anyone. I've been here since September and I can't believe I haven't been canned yet. Sometimes I think people are talking about me behind my back though. And apperantly I have been making mistakes, but they never tell me specifically what I have done wrong. Things are starting to get weird....

I'm so sorry for the loss of your job. hang in there and don't be discouraged. This is the PERFECT opportunity to sit down and get a thorough explanation from management on what you could have done better and learn from this experience.


Sometimes life throws us a curveball -not just AvPDs but ALL people. I've learned its not the events that take place in our lives, but HOW we respond to these events and what lessons we can take away from it that measures true success. I know this may sound crazy but I hope one day you will look back and almost be glad this happened because you would have learned and grown from this.


I hope you stay encouraged and pray that you find fulfillment and happiness, not only on your (new) job, but throughout this arduous journey called life. Take care!

*hug*

Thanks babysnake,

I went in to pick up my last paycheck and met with the owners, it's funny one owner loved me said I he wishes he could clone me and have mulitple guys like myself running the place, But the main owner, made it sound like veryone hates working with me, and that He would have a mutiny on his hands if I were to return, funny thing is three of the staff members who supposably hated me, saw me in the office at different times and expressed there shock to my dismissal, I informed them not to blow smoke up my arse, that I was told that Ithey were ones that said they didn't like working with me and they looked shocked themselves that I would even say that including one who was in tears hearing I was gone.

So It was left off where one owner likes me and the other doesn't and they both asked for my cell # again and that this isn't over, I would of rather had closure then to be sitting here on a friday night when i should be at work wondering if maybe I will get my job back.


That alone is driving me insane. My head hurts, my chest hurts, I'm a mess.


I need to know WTF is wrong with me.

I'm sorry. I can't figure out why they wouldn't sit with you and at least let you know there are problems, to give you a chance to change. A warning or something, with some feedback on what needs to change or what you were doing wrong. It seems very unfair. But I guess you can't change what's already been done, huh. Would it be too hard to contact the boss that had the problem and ask him for some details on what you did wrong, so you can change for the future? That would probably be too humbling for me to bear, but it sounds like it might be helpful... though you probably just want to kick his ass.

Please don't despair. I've had earth-shattering experiences and in the end, they made me seek help, so in a way they were a gift - though I couldn't see that until long after working through all the pain. If things had stayed at status quo I may never have sought help to change. I found free therapy that has really helped get me out in contact with people. I've really been working hard on bettering myself after years of self-neglect. Maybe this is the pivotal point that propels you into a life-changing period. I don't know if you believe in a Higher Power but this sounds like a great time to ask for help from above. At least it helps me to believe there is a power greater than self that can bring everything to order.

Big hugs to you... hang in there. Wish I had some better advice for you. It sounds like any therapy you can get would be helpful. Even if its just checking out some books from the library for a start. I really wish there were some avoidant self-help support groups out there, like a 12-step program.

BTH, try not to put all the blame on yourself. From what you describe, it sounds like this is a very dysfunctional workplace. The entire way your dismissal is being handled is extremely unprofessional. If you had behavioral problems that were becoming an issue in the office, then why weren't they addressed beforehand so that you'd have an opportunity to change?

I've seen this kind of nonsense in my own workplace: contradictory messages from different managers, claims that co-workers have made complaints that they later deny making, etc.

It's possible you are simply caught in the middle of a power struggle between the two managers (the one who likes you, and the one who doesn't). It's not unusual for managers to put words in the mouths of your co-workers -- things they never really said -- in order to justify their actions. Most managers figure that you'll never double check.

I mean, it's possible that some of your Avoidant traits played a part in this, but it sure sounds like your employers are just as dysfunctional -- maybe MORE dysfunctional -- than you.

You should give yourself a break on this one.

I mean, it's possible that some of your Avoidant traits played a part in this, but it sure sounds like your employers are just as dysfunctional -- maybe MORE dysfunctional -- than you.

Good point. I just remembered a time after high school when I was working, and was asked by the owner to come to his office to chat. He proceeded to tell me that my supervisor said I wasn't pulling my weight. I was so ticked off because first of all, the supervisor never once complained to me directly, and secondly - most importantly - it was a dead lie. My supervisor was the one who gave me my duties each day and there just wasn't any work to give me, the place was in a slowdown period. So I explained this to the owner, who said that basically they had to let me go because there wasn't enough work. I left that day, angry and embarrassed. The fact is, they called me back a month or so later but I wouldn't go back to a place like that.

So, your boss could very well have been trying to put blame on you when he needed to downsize. That's pretty dysfunctional and dishonest, but it happens.

just wondering...what was their actual reason for firing you? I dont think its a legal dismissal if they simply dont like you. You should take it up with employee rights tribunal or whatever its called...unless you feel you deserved to be fired
Anyway, congrats on getting such a nice job in the first place. If you are avpd, your doing quite well
Lol, i bet what youre feeling now is how the employees you fired felt too, so dont feel too bad, your not the only whos lost a job.

Thanks for the replies everyone, it means a lot.

I'm still trying to pinpoint what exactly is wrong with me upstairs, I had full medical insurance with this company and I'm going to make an appointment before my issurance is canceled but don't know if I need to see a Psychologist or a Psychiatrist?

Some major things I deal with on a daily basis:

I tend to "space out" / "zone out"
Stutter or stammer when in conversation
forget words
sometimes even loose my train of thought.

I was at a bar with a buddy and his girlfriend last night and I found it very difficult to even look them in the eye when talking to them, maybe just out of embarresment and being depressed from loosing this job.

I've always known there was something misfiring upstairs, I guess loosing this job was a wakeup call to seek some help.

There is history of mental illnes in my family, my grandmother I was told is BiPolar, and I know my sister has some issues, not knowing what they are, we don't talk anymore, she's 39.

Thanks again everyone for allowing me to be able to tell my story.

[quote="FriedPiper"]just wondering...what was their actual reason for firing you? I dont think its a legal dismissal if they simply dont like you. You should take it up with employee rights tribunal or whatever its called...[quote]

The owner who fired me stated that "it's as if you're back in highschool and your report card came in, and I just checked off the box that states : Doesn't work well with others"

Basically, he had a few long time employess who have personal issues with me complaign to him, and his way of dealing with it is to let me go.
There issues with me is that I had to fire some of their friends ( Which by the way, I was instructed to do so by the owner that likes me)