How to let your family and friends know about your problems?

I've known I have some social issues for a long time now. Only recently, because of the problems ruining relationships I do have and preventing me from starting up new ones, have I begun to try and understand what is going on in my mind in an attempt to 'help' myself out so-to-speak.

I feel that with the social anxiety and fear/sensitivity to rejection we have, it is important to get the support from the family, friends and other loved ones that you actually have in your life. (Even if you can count all of these people on one hand, like myself )

Natually, I'm scared to bring this up to my parents or my girlfriend. I would talk to my gf, but she also suffers from some issues. She was once outgoing, friendly, extremely kind and accepting, which is what grabbed my attention in the first place. But now, I fear that after the years we have been together, my personality has taken its toll on her and she is experiencing the same problems and sometimes worse depression than myself.

I really want to bring this up with the people I love, but a decade of shutting myself in and living only in my own mind have seemingly erased the social knowledge that I once had. I dont know how to interact with people. I can't initiate or sustain a conversation. I don't want to be like this anymore! I am looking for change, looking for confidence, I want to be able to have a conversation with people more than once a month!
Argh!

It is possible that the ones closest to you already know; they may not know how to approach you. I've always been told that it was really obvious that I wear my feelings on my sleeve.

As far as I can tell, everyone is aware that I've got some problems with social environments. But I'd like to start some dialogue, hopefully to let them know specifics and to get support. Maybe if they know more about how I'm feeling in certain situations, they can help by adding that extra word of encouragement.

When i tried to tell my dad, I'd pick on the smallest thing he'd say, and try to head an excuse pointing along the lines of reaching out...like if he told me to get a job, I would say no, because I cant deal with being somewhere foreign completely alone. And hed ask me why...this kinda break the ice...have a go maybe

I never had that problem; my family has always confronted me with the issue. I wish I could be more helpful. I'm here if you want to talk.

Book-a-holic, in which way has your family confronted you with the issue? Have they offered help?

I personally could never tell my parents about my issues. You see, they "don't believe" in psychological issues...

This question has fascinated me for awhile. I have printed out some material on AvPD which caused me to recognize how much of the descriptions matched my feelings. I selected some of the pages and have a couple of extra sets residing in a desk drawer as I think about handing them to a couple of people whose friendship I have sought.

I can't imagine introducing the topic in a conversation with either one of them. I stopped initiating non-business conversations a few years ago and nobody is going to ask me what's wrong and provide an opportunity to describe my feelings.

I've thought about a way to give these 2 people the material anonymously, but identifying myself as the subject, so they would be free to do nothing if they chose. I've also thought of just telling them I like them and have been disappointed that I've been unable to develop friendships with them and handing the copies with a request that they read it. I try to imagine the reaction, but I'm not confortable with doing this, yet.

Years having gone by with no effort by my putative friends to find out what's wrong suggest that they will never ask. If I don't do something, nothing will get better. I'm just not convinced that giving this information to people will make things better, either. I've thought of just acting like everything's OK and interacting with people more, but that has never resulted in anyone else changing their behavior toward me or asking why I was withdrawn for an extended period. That just results in me being hurt again and no one caring when I withdraw.

FriedPiper wrote:When i tried to tell my dad, I'd pick on the smallest thing he'd say, and try to head an excuse pointing along the lines of reaching out...like if he told me to get a job, I would say no, because I cant deal with being somewhere foreign completely alone. And hed ask me why...this kinda break the ice...have a go maybe

It would never occur to me tell my family. I don't think I have this problem with them so I don't see any benefit to telling a family member. It's people who I wish were friends I think of telling. Have you tried to tell a non-family member? Or am I thinking wrong and family is who I should tell? I'd like to hear more of people's experiences in making disclosures to others.

Murby wrote:
Natually, I'm scared to bring this up to my parents or my girlfriend. I would talk to my gf, but she also suffers from some issues. She was once outgoing, friendly, extremely kind and accepting, which is what grabbed my attention in the first place. But now, I fear that after the years we have been together, my personality has taken its toll on her and she is experiencing the same problems and sometimes worse depression than myself.

I feel the same thing about my dh - I met him in school and liked him because he was always the clown, always talking, everyone liked him. When we started dating he said he liked me because I was "real", not a silly girl who flirted and just liked his looks. I truly liked him and wanted the real person.

I do think that my personality has changed my dh. He still has a sense of humor and once we married he stopped the going out all night lifestyle, but we have been called boring on more than one occasion because all we would do is go out for bowling or pizza instead of to the nightclubs.

If you do plan to stay with this girl, then you do need to talk to her. She may be feeling some of the same things that you are feeling. Maybe you can change and grow together.

As far as my family goes, I don't know if I will ever tell them anything. Maybe in a while, after I see the counselor I have an appointment with, I'll tell them what's going on, but until then I don't know that I ever will. I don't think they would understand.