The hospital psychiatrists think i have level 2-3 autism :(

Hi
Just feeling a bit spooked by the apparent severity of my autism as like i thought i managed thinigs pretty well and while i suspected i had autism for years, i figured it was just like level 1.

I don't know. All of my friends with autism have level 1 autism, and like it will be good to get the extra psychology funding and stuff but it's still scary. And i don't know the thought of potentially being high support needs due to my fine motor and sensory difficulties (i hit myself and cry if i get overwhelmed) makes me feel like super special needs (derogatory). My parents on learning this have also been telling me stories about stuff i just don't remember like having to eat the same amount of food all the time as a child which is something i just kind of implicitly do now.

Any advice or words of encouragement would be nice. It just feels like so much.

Hi PrimePossum

I was diagnosed last year with level 2. For 5 years or more before getting assessed it had been generally accepted between my healthcare providers that I did have autism, and it was probably level 1, but level 2 was a bit of a surprise to me.

For me it gave me a lot of answers and reassurance. I've been told a lot all my life that I just needed to "try harder", but that always left me- what I can now recognise, as being in total overwhelm and autistic burnout. Because it didn't matter how hard I pushed myself, it always ended with me hitting a wall.

Something with the levels too- I was given level 2 based on two areas- I think social and communication and repetitive behaviours. Some of the other areas, I didn't score so highly on. Autism is on a spectrum, so there may well be things you can deal with that I can't and vice versa. When I get overwhelmed I tend to just shut down- yours comes out in a different way and that's ok. Just because it comes out in a visible way for you, I don't think that's a bad thing, and I don't think you need to call yourself super special needs. Sometimes I wish mine came out in a more visible way, because I get stuck and can't explain what's going on or get the emotions out either- it's like winding a jack-in-box up but keeping your hand on the lid to stop it opening.

When I was diagnosed I was given some book recommendations by the psychologist who assessed me- I went searching for ones specific to women with autism and it was really helpful to read other adult's experiences and perspectives, especially people who have also been late-diagnosed. Discussion in those books was less about what level you are and more about telling their experiences- there was a lot of "oh is that why I..." going on. A lot of other books are aimed at parents with young children with autism, and we're well past that point.

PrimePossum wrote:My parents on learning this have also been telling me stories about stuff i just don't remember like having to eat the same amount of food all the time as a child which is something i just kind of implicitly do now.

I didn't realise how many of my food habits were influenced by my autism. Where discussing it in the assessement I went "no, I'm not a picky eater". Actually, yeah, I am. It's the same thing for breakfast every day, except Sunday where I do something different, but the something different is the exact same thing every Sunday... I'm finding out I'm really bothered by texture in food- probably part of why there were so many issues with finishing vegetables as a child- if they were cooked in a way I was ok with, they were fine. If they were cooked until mushy, as my mother always did, there were arguments.

Please don't beat yourself up because yours presents differently to someone else's. It is all a lot to get your head around and you'll probably still be learning about how it affects you for some time to come- I still am.